Believer, I feel that my M is over. I feel so hopeless and helpless.

lost,
How long have you been in Plan A ?
I'm praying for you, giving you strength to feel better today, stronger, not so sad.

lostnhurt -
No your marriage is not over. Your WH will be back, you just have to give it time. You are still too new in this. He is addicted, that is all. It will be awhile before he gets out of the fog.

lostnhurt -

As a follower of Jesus, if you have obeyed, trust in Him, and asked for help, He is already working for your good. Just keep up your relationship with Him. Quit worrying about the outcome, let Him arrange the circumstances that need to happen. He has promised that He will answer your prayers and it will be for your good.

Thank you friends. I admit that I am so weak. I will really have to look up to Jesus.

Just came back from church. It is my turn to teach S. school for the kids now. I didn't have cahnce to listen to the message which I need so much now.

Please keep banging me on my head.

L&H,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Please keep banging me on my head.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, here's the deal. You sound a lot like me sometimes (though not nearly as psychotic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). It is your responsibility to get out the MB 2x4 and whack me up side head when I'm being silly and need it, and I'll try and do the same for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang in there. I am hurting really bad, too. I do know now you feel. I'd like to just go beg my WH right now to come home and hold me, even if it is the wrong thing to do. But I'm not going to do it.

I just got back from church, and our sermon series all this month is about how to have better relationships (mainly focused on marriage here), so it's really tough for me to listen to because of my lack of a marriage right now. I'm trying to apply it to other relationships, like those with my kids.

LL

<small>[ March 14, 2004, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

LL, I know what you mean by beg your H to come home and hug you. I think that is all we want. But we won't do it. I won't do it. At least I pretend to be strong in front of him.

When I prayed, I asked for peace, patience and strength. I also prayed that i will accept whatever outcome it is, because HE knows what is the best for me. I know that it takes time, it is this time the worst and hard to past.

lostnhurt -

Lately I have been at peace. I do believe that the Lord is working for my good. I have not seen WH for about 10 days, or heard from him. But I still have the feeling that He is working on a plan.

Believer, I want to have peace. Maybe I am trying too hard. I know that I will feel better in the evenings. Maybe b/c a day is about to past.

I want to call sis, but she is out to be with her BF, they didn't see each other for 2 weeks. I don't want to spoil her time even she said it is ok to call. I called cousin, she is not home. Sometimes I feel that i am alone in this whole world. I know it is not true, it is just my feeling. It is so hard to fight with your own feeling.

As everyone knows all too well, I've really blown the no-contact part of Plan B by way of phone calls and text messages since I tried to implement it, but I haven't physically laid eyes on my WH since the night I gave him the letter. It's been almost three weeks since I've seen him.

It is hard. I'm not patient. And time sure feels like it drags right now.

LL

LL, you are doing fine. I wonder how you take care of kids without H? How did you kids react? Mine are upset today and kept asking where dad is.

L&H,

As far as kids go, I may be in better shape than others. My WH has never been all that involved in child-rearing. It's been a sore spot off and on, but I've always been the primary parent.

Also, mine are teens, so unlike younger kids, it's easier to explain why dad isn't here. They know. The hard part is that they're really bitter right now toward their dad, so if he and I do get a chance to try and rebuild our marriage, I am worried that the kids might stick a knife right in the center of our plans.

My biggest challenge right now is that my DD has a LOT of behavior problems. They were a part of what, I believe, stressed my WH out and made him more vulnerable to the A, and of course now that we're in the situation we're in, she's REALLY acting out badly. This is very difficult for me to deal with as a single parent with no support. There are days when I'd do about anything to have someone else helping me out.

But my heart goes out to everyone with young children, because they don't (and shouldn't in most cases) understand what is going on. All they know is Daddy or Mommy is not home and they miss them.

LL

LL, my kids are 8 and 12. S is 8, he did care about much his dad. But D has some emotinal problem. She has aniety disorder and been on Zoloft for almost 2 years. She was better already by Dec. But now this whole thing triggers it again. She is very hard to deal with.

L&H,

I as a person who has anxiety disorders and who has a DD with serious behavior problems have sympathy for you and your DD.

And as for the zoloft, though I'm not a believer in having kids on meds if you don't have to, if it works, that's great. My DD took it back in 6th grade for about six months for what the Dr. thought was mild depression stemming from her ADHD and it really did make a difference. She even said to me toward the end of her time on it that she felt the difference.

Now she's so stubborn and off in her own world that she refuses to take meds. No zoloft, no strattera for the ADHD, no anything. I know she's REALLY hurting and REALLY angry and she needs help, but she's also REALLY stubborn (no idea where she might get that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) and wants help from no one.

Keep praying. Let us know how you're doing.

LL

Ok, I have a long one today. I couldn't help loughing.

H disappeared, still not home till 6:30pm. So i called MIL in CA. I told her who the OW is, what I found in the receipt etc. Of course, she lectured me a long time, telling me I should be a good wife. If I am a good wife, OW would not come in. I agreed 100%. Then she said her S's in fog(how smart!), he lost himself. I have to be nice to him to get him back. She will back me up. SHe said she will talk to him about it. She didn't want to see our family to break up. She believed me will change. Given the relation between us, i praised her action and encouragement. I do think that I love her now. Our conversation last for about 1.5 hours untill WH walked in. Then we stopped(not because he was here, it was about time to stop). When he saw mehung up the phone, looked at me very strangely.

I adjusted my mood adn act happily. I asked him whether he had dinner yet, he said no. He is caughing really bad, I told him to see a DR. I also asked him whehter he wanted to eat something, he said no. But I made rice soup anyway. He went to the computer again without interacting with the kids. About 9pm, kids were getting ready to bed. It took me almost ano hour to settle them down. Wh went to his room. So I called the other friend to talk about how he should approach WH and talk to him. And he walked in, I told him to call later. I looked suspecious again with these mysterious phone calls. Then S walked in, he said he couldn't sleep, I took him back, spent 10 minutes with him in bed. When I came back to my bedroom, Wh was there. He said I need to talk to you. I smiled at him and said ok calmly.

WH: You are very happy today.

Me: I know, because i need to be happy and you want me to be happy too.

WH: Yeh. But you are happy because you seemed to know many things. You succesfully controlled me.

Me: What do you mean?

WH: Don't pretend. You know where I went, what I did. You spied on me. You checked on my wallet, my phone bill. You are so deep and you pretend to be innocent.

Me: I asked you where you went, what you did, whom you were with, but you didn't tell me. I have to find out by myself. It is my right.

WH: Why should I report everything to you? Well, you have your right, you are still my wife. But you tricks are so dirty.

Me: (I was angry, but I controlled it) What do you mean I am dirty? I just found out the fact. I prefer you tell me, if you don't, I find out myself.

WH: You are not being honest. It is over between us. I can not trust you.

ME: (I almost chucled) Who is being not honest? What did you do these days? Where did you go last night? What did you buy the other day?

WH: I just need a place to think about things. I want to be alone. I don't want to see you.

Me: So you think about things in a King bed(guess this was LB). Who did you go with to buy those stuff? You missed S's boy scout meeting to buy these stuff with whom?

Wh: Well, I did not have enough money, I borrowed friends credit card.

Me: you have credit card. When you bought two packs of underwears, you need to borrow credit card too?

WH: You are so cold tonight. You became very strange now. I feel like I am talking to a stranger now. There is no more between us. We are going to D. Let me go.

ME: I don't want a D. It is not good to the children.

Wh: You are not happy, I am not happy. D will make both us happier and we can be friends(what kind?).

Me: We can be friends now. Just be open and honest.

WH: No, if we are couples, we can't be friends. You are very mean. You want to destroy me. It is like if you can not have me, you can not have someone else to have me.

Me: Who wants you? You are my H now. Someone else wants you, is that right?

WH: Don't do anything to harm OP.

Me: Who is OP?

WH: You know what I mean.Youc hecked on the phone bill. You don't like me to call. I don't call now.

ME: That is someone else's wife. It is not appropriate to talk to her like this. You call her midnight, early morning, so many time a day.

WH: Why not, we just talking. She called me too.

Me: That is inappropriate.

WH: There is nothing between us. I went out to bars, movies with some Indian friends, some are men, some women. But all together.

Me: It is not right for you to go out so late, not home for dinner. Kids missed you.

Wh: I spent time with them.

Me: You know D's mood is not stable. S starts acting up. Because of this situation.

WH: Because I want a D. When do you want me to move out?

Me: I don't want you to move out. But if you do, I can not controll you. I can't use a rope to tie you up.

WH: You are so cold(he mean i didn't beg hime to stay).

Wh: Let's get a D.

Me: Why?

WH: We are not compatible, house is mess. I told you to quit piano lesson, to take decoration class. But you didn't listen. Look at the kids room, they are so messy. They all learn it from you. You don't like to eat meat, the kids learn from you too.

Me: Tell me where the mess is. I will do it. I will not clean the kids room, they can do whatever they want in their rooms.

Wh: Look at our bedroom.

Me: Anything wrong with this? There is not much funiture here.

Wh: Look at that lamp. It is so old, you never thought of change it.

Me: I thought it is an antique. If you think that can cause you to have a D. I will change it tomorrow.(I almost laughed)

Wh: You are so distant to me, you pretent nothing when I went out and came home. You just pretent. You don't care.

Me: But you just said you didn't want me to ask. so i stop asking. Anything wrong with that?

Wh: I am tired. Your H's heart is dead. Let's talk tomorrow.

Me: Ok. I don't think your heart is dead. It is somewhere else. Good night.

I hugged him.

What do you think? He is so contradicted to himself. I couldn't help laughing.

These guys are unbelievable. But you did excellent - only one LB about the bed. You said all the right things - now let him think about it. And congratulations for not laughing out loud.

L&H

Sounds to me like fogese. I had many of these conversations with my WH. We did everything from I didn't feel needed to we are heading two different directions in life. I got every excuse in the world for him to be with her. And even though I broke Plan B yesterday with my letter, he is still with OW as far as I know. I do not check ever. Eventually their passion will burn out and I know it, but I have an unfortunate feeling that I won't be here for him anymore when that time comes. I love him and always will, but I love the man that he was before all this happened and I don't know if I can ever see him in that way again. I am in IC and I go again today. I pine for my H from before and my life from before. I don't really want him now, I just have to get over him. Withdrawals.....and then move on. When I think of them together it makes me sick, and she is so beneath me I don't understand it. I have many hard feelings which makes Plan B good for me because I would probably take a baseball bat to him if he came somedays, esp for hurting my kids so much. We will get through this. With or without them, just remember that. I divorced once from an alcoholic know it all, and I can D from a cheater also. I seem to be a bum magnet, always have. I thought I had it right this time, but I guess not. I will work on me now and then in my next relationship whether it be H or someone else I will be a better partner.

Hugs.

NY

Thank you Believer. I knew the bed thing was a LB, I couldn't control it. It was so hard not to laugh out loud. I told cousin this morning about our conversation, she was laughing too.

NY, I know how you feel. We always have our ups and downs. Go to IC, this old relationship is over, you will build a new one with your H. That day will come.

I am feeling good today. Even he said those mean things to me. I woke up 3am and couldn't fall back to sleep. But I am ok now. I am reading something in this website: www.dearpeggy.com, also check on www.thirdopyion.com. It is very helpful.

Just for fun, I would store that lamp away, and buy a brand new expensive one in its place.

I will go to Tuesday Morning tomorrow to buy a lamp. Haaaaaa.