Hello, everyone. I am new here and I have a severe problem. I am engaged to be married and I think my fiance is cheating on me. Recently we have been having problems and he has expressed a desire to hang out with his friends more often (to have time to himself). However, included in his friends are two females from work. He claims they are both just friends, but I've found out by looking at his cell phone and cell phone bill that she calls him frequently and he calls her quite frequently. He says they are just friends and nothing is going on. He goes to her apartment and says the other girl is there and they go to the movies. Also, he has recently starting working out and improving his wardrobe. Am I right to be suspicious?

If you've read the articles on this site, you will have realized that, in a marriage, an affair can be defined as a relationship (generally with a member of the opposite sex, but not always) which takes time or energy away from the marital relationship. Sex does NOT have to be involved for it to be an affair.<P>If your fiance is spending time with his female friend that he should be spending with you, you might want to rethink the idea of being engaged to be married to him. You will find that in the case of married couples, Dr. Harley advocates staying together and solving the relationship problems, when there hasn't been a marriage committment as yet, he seems to be less inclined to advocate staying together.<P>However, that's up to you. You can try to use the principles and techniques on this site and over on the <A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com" TARGET=_blank>Divorce Busting site</A> to save your relationship, or you can tell your fiance "so long - don't need someone who doesn't value me highly enough to understand how much your so-called 'friendship' is hurting our relationship."<P>The call is yours. But do something - if he is cheating on you now, <B>before you are even married</B>, don't think he will be faithful once those vows are said. Not a pleasant thought, but a realistic one.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

Do a little detective work PRONTO!<P><BR>Better to find out now than once you are married!!!<P>P

angelab,<BR> I didn't catch your age,but here is some age-old wisdom for you.If you're not best friends,and have trust and respect for each other before you're married,it certainly won't be there after you're married.Don't jump into something you might regret later.Take care. --Murph

angelab,<P>I agree with terri here, You have to think long and hard before you make any decisions. If his realtionship with these women make you uncomfortable you need to let him know. <BR>Find out from him where he is in your relationship. Is he ready to fully commit to a marriage to you. Will he give up a relationship that makes you so uncomfortable?<BR>Don't invest years in a marriage that you aren't sure about. If you are having doubts about his abiltiy to remain faithful now it won't get better after the rings are there. <BR>I don't want to be the barer of bad news but it is better not to invest the time and energy into something that he may be indicating he isn't ready to do yet.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I have told him before that I didn't mind him hanging out with the two girls as long as it was with BOTH of them. I told him I was uncomfortable with him being with the one woman by herself. He says he doesn't understand why a man can't have a female friend.

this is exactly what my husband told me, and they were for a while, she just wanted more and my husband was flattered. It was a "afternoon delight" in my book, while I was out of town, she is very persuing, her marriage was failing. The weird thing is she is exact opposite, he still does not know what made him do this , I say he was stupid and had a fantasy, our marriage was going well, we have been together for almost 20 yrs. WE are working on this he has blocked it out, he answers all my questions and has been up front about all of it. If we were only engaged I would reconsider I know some men get cold feet but....... I agree do some detective work, I wish I had maybe if I had not been so trusting I could have stopped this from ever happening. Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers.