I just do want to talk about this guy. He made me feel sick too.

I know i need to detach from my H. I will pray for that. Meanwhile, i need to find a place to let my feeling out.

I don't feel well again, physically. I have diahrea again, and feel extremely tired. So after sending D to school, I went back to bed. Just got up, WH even didn't look at me or ask me anything. But that is ok. My emotion is still low, but not as bad as yesterday. I will stand up, and be strong.

Last night, I called MIL. She said that Wh didn't call her for a while and she couldn't reach him. I told her that he was home. She said i will call him right away. They talked about an hour, I didn't know what it is. Wh seemed very distant to me this morning. But I need to learn to detach, detach. Not to think about him. Take care of myself.

I'm glad you are doing a little better. I had a good morning. I went to the hospital and saw my new grandson. He is absolutely perfect. So I was very relieved.

Believer, I am so happy about your new grandson. He is blessed to have a grandma like you. How is everything wlse? It was so nice to talk to you. After i fell asleep till 4am. it was good. Thanks a lot.

I am still very sick, but I managed to get up. I just made Sushi, which kids love. It is raining outside. I could'nt go walking, i also need a bathroom nearby <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . So I called H telling him to come home to take care of the kids. He said ok. Otherwise he will be out again. I didn't mean to use this trick to get him, but I am just too weak.

Believer,

I am very happy for you and relieved that your grandson is okay except for the kidney problem. I assume at some point they'll remove it? My cousin has only had one kidney since she was about 9 years old, and she has had two babies in her late 30's with no problems.

LNH,

As for your WH taking care of the kids--remember, they are HIS kids, too. He should take care of them if he needs to. I am concerned for you, that you have been ill so much lately. Have you seen a doctor? I worry that you're getting very run down. I wish I had answers--of course I don't, but I can tell you I do completely understand your pain and your stress (except that since my WH doesn't live with me, I am able to sleep a bit easier since I'm not expecting him to come home and then waiting if he doesn't show). I do still miss him if he doesn't call.

He did call this morning (and I had my cell shut off which scared him) to check on DD and if there was any more news about what she's doing to her arms. I told him, no, that she's okay right now but that it very much scares me and makes me ill to look at. He said again he thinks he's going to give notice on his apartment tomorrow.

Time will tell. And even if he does, what will he do then? I just keep telling him that I love him, that I want our marriage back, but that I will not force him to do something if it's not what he wants.

I'm trying to detach, too. I'm trying to do everything I can to not think about him. Last night I was so miserable with my sinus problem that I took a Benedryl and went to sleep before 11pm--very early for me. I actually slept about 9 hours and do feel better today. But I'm still thinking about him way too much.

Take care of yourself. Make sure even if you don't feel like eating, that you eat anyway once you get over your stomach thing. (I'm jealous of your kids...I love sushi!) And if you can't eat (which I couldn't for about a month), go get yourself some Ensure or one of the other nutritional drinks and drink them. They're probably all that kept me going for a while. I could force myself to drink a can very quickly, when I couldn't stand to actually chew food and swallow it. If you get too run down and lose too much weight, you'll feel that much more miserable. I've learned this the hard way during several anxiety-induced weight loss periods during my life.

I'm praying for you.

LL

LL, Thank you so much. Your writing is so caring and warm. I can't eat anything today except drinking some tea. I tried to eat a little bit, I almost throw up and my stomach aches so much. I am curling now to type. I don't know how much Dr. can help except telling me to rest and drink water, which is what I am doing now.

D has 5 friends over in the house, it is good that I don't feel lonely. They are together to do Battle of Books. I wish I am in that age, don't need to worry about M. My most important lesson to learn now is to detach.

lostnhurt -

Hang in there, things will get better. You have to believe that. You must be strong. You must take care of yourself. Have some soup. If you are not eating well, you will have to see a doctor.

Thank you friends.

H came back to cook dinner. After dinner, he is gone again. But I don't care. i feel peace now. Feeling is very strange. I actually feel good. When I saw him, I had nothing to say to him.

But what worries me is D. I think she had anxiety attack again. She is so whinie, sad, mad and crying for no reason. Few days ago, H mentioned that the news said the Zoloft is one of the anti-D with side affects and addiction. She quit it right away. Now all her symptoms come back. i told her to take Zoloft, she refused to. She is stomping the floor, yelling and crying and is soooo unreasonable. She kept saying that a dog will help. She just cried. H was mad at her. I tried to help her, she kept telling me that I am helping. I told her to see conselor, she refuse. She said she doesn't want to talk to strangers. The one she saw before was not helping. I told her to see a differnet one, she refused too. i don't know what to do.

I actually can see myself through her. She just wanted a dog, which she thought she can not have. I just want my H, which i thought I am hopeless. I looked at her, she has so much around her, all she has don't make her happy, she just want a DOG! Myself too, I have so much, kids, parents, sis and brother, friends, but I just want my H. How stupid I am. I really learn to be strong, and let go. My sis kept telling me, you need to trust GOD, he will give you the best. If H comes back, he will be a better H. Otherwise, GOD will prepare someone better for me. I praise GOD. Coming to this site is my main support.

Your H will come back. I am quite sure of that. But I am very worried about your daughter. All of this that she is going through is too much for her. She does not have the coping skills that adults have.

Maybe you can look into some support groups for teens. Often they feel alienated, but can get help from each other.

Also I think I would come along side her and let her know that you care how she feels. I might even get her a dog. Yes, your WH will be furious, but he has not really taken his part as part of the family.

Yes, I will give D a dog, in the summer. I told her to work hard. But she thought she won't get one, becasue she got 2 B's this marking period. I don't want to conflict with WH that she doesn't have to earn A's to get the dog. I know she will get one, as long as she put her effort in, even with not straight A's.

I see myself in this situation too. GOD will give me the best, as long as I put my best effort. I can't see it now, just like D. But GOD has his plan.

LNH,

I am NOT big on medications myself, and hate that I have to take an A/D to get by sometimes, but my Dr. has explained that some people have brain chemical imbalances and they need that to help them be able to function well.

I have heard that drugs like Zoloft and Paxil have had side effects in teens and younger children, but my DD took Zoloft about 4 years ago and it made a HUGE difference for the positive in her behavior. I'd like to have her back on it now, but she won't take it. If your daughter quit taking them without gradually working down, it could have an effect on her personality. I'd try to get her back on them if at all possible, at least until your family situation settles down.

I know, easier said than done.

I'm actually relatively calm right now, too. I've worked HARD to focus on everything BUT WH tonight. I'm actually still working, but am leaving very soon and will probably take kids to McDonalds (yuck!!) for a quick bite to eat since it's too late for me to cook.

I'm scared for tomorrow. Will my WH give notice on his place? If so, what happens next? I'm praying that God gives me strength and helps me to leave my WH in His hands.

LL

LL, I will pray for you. Trust GOD, no matter what happen tomorrow, it is in GOD's hand.

I know about the side effect quiting Zoloft like that. Shes been on it for more than a year. But she is so stuburn, she refused to take it anymore. I can see that she behaves so well while on it. Now she if off with it, things change right away. I understand the chemical inbalance stuff. I think that is her case, it is WH's cae too.

LNH,

I totally understand how stubborn our DD's can be. Like I said--I have one that SHOULD be taking Zoloft but won't. Unfortunately, mine gets her chemical imbalance from ME!

I'm trying to do everything I can not to think about my WH tonight. I've prayed--for me, for you, and for all the others on this forum trying to save our M's.

I worked late--it kept me occupied. No one wants to go get a bite to eat with me, so I'm going to find some leftovers and eat them and then take my Xanax (and maybe another Benedryl even though I don't need it, just because it'll help me sleep more soundly), and I'm going to bed.

Please do me a favor though, because I worry about you (because you remind me of me). You're doing a good thing eating soup and drinking liquids because at least you're staying hydrated, but if you're not eating in a couple more days, please go visit your loca WalMart or Walgreens and pick up a few 6-packs of the nutritional supplements and drink 2 or 3 a day, just for the vitamins, protein and calories. You can't afford to let yourself get too run down or you'll end up in the hospital. Your kids need you to be strong.

LL

LL, thank you so much for your concern. I drink a lot of liquid. I will eat tomorrow, I promise. I willpray for you especially for tomorrow. I will pray for every one here too. GOod night.

Let's all start taking care of ourselves and thinking good thoughts. We'll get through this together.

Ok, here is some new development, every body please pitch it to help.

This morning, D acted the same, whining and complaining. After sending her to school, I told H that I need to talk to him about D. BTW, he didn't come home till 3am. He put a movie ticket Passion of Christ, time 10:50pm in the kitchen. I said that we need to put D back to Zoloft, he agreed. Then silence.

All the sudden,
he said, I broke up with OW. No more contact, I am going to call her H today to appologize. But you and me are over too, I am going to move out, let's seperate.

I just couldn't swallow all of these in one. I took a deep breath and said, I appreciate your honest, it is not easy to do that, it takes a lot of courage.

Then again he said it is over between us.

Me: why?

H: you are becoming stranger and stranger to me. You prentend nothing happened in front of me, in my back, you did so much. You are so deep in your mind, i even don't know what you are thinking.

Me: Can you be more specific by this?

H: How many phone calls and e-mails did you have to him(OW's H)? What did you do? What did you tell my mom? You said I went out with the Indian girl, I never did.

Me: I asked you many times, but you did tell me.

He: I just don't want to hurt her(OW).

Me: What is the relationship between you two.

He: Just like what you said, it was inapproriate. But it is no more.

Me: We can work it out.

He: You are very deep. She is a very good-hearted person. We have a lot in common. We just started as friends, but it got deeper.

Me: I appreciate you told me.

He: I rented an apartment already. I will not come home T, Th, you can take care of the kids.

Me: Where is your apartment?

He: You don't have to know. (Do I believe that? he will still have contact with OW)

Me: You don't have to move if you don't want to. This is your home. But if you are happier that way, you can move.

He: Look, you are so cold and calm. Why didn't you scream, yell, and whine? You have that right.

Me: I don't want to fight with you. That is not the right way to solve our problem.

He: You didn't care about me for the last 14 years, why do you care now?

Me: I did care about you.

He: Maybe. You didn't care in the way I like. That is why we are incompatible. We have nothing in common. OW is so nice, she is right for me, but...

Me: She is your friend's wife. Compatibility is something we work out. It doesn't come in with no effort. Should we rent a car in CA? (I mean the MB weekend)

He: Ok, go ahead. It is getting late. You get S up.

Me: Ok.


Please help with me what to do next. I don't believe the relationship is over. He doesn't want to work on M.

Pat yourself on the back, girl, you are doing great.

Often, right before a break through, things seem to get worse. But look at all of the progress you have made. When you first came here, you had no idea what was going on, OW's H was in denial, and your WH was not being truthful to you.

You have calmly and lovingly stuck to the program here. You have shown him what a good wife you can be. Obviously OW's H has confronted her. Your H is not happy about that. The A has been exposed to the light of day.

Don't take personally anything he says right now. He will either move out and try to keep up the affair, or stay home. He realizes now that you will let OW's H know what is going on if he stays home.

If he moves out, time for Plan B. Prepare yourself now for it. Please stick with the MB program. It is working for you, and will save your marriage.

Believer, thank you. He said that I pretend to be sick yesterday. I sent my posting to him in e-mail and sent the link of this one to him too. He said he is not going to read it. Who knows.

A student just called. It was just found out last night that his fiance has a brain tumor. He was crying on the phone. I prayed with him on the phone and told him not to worry about the class. If he does come this afternoon, I will not lecture, we will all be supportive to him, talk to him and pray with him. Finally he calm down.

I really don't know why there are so much suffering in the world. Probably we sin too much.