I'm sorry--brain is slow today. What event?

LL

I meant D-day. I can read from your sig line. But my Wh asked for a D on Jan. 6. He started acting up.

While I was teking a walk today, I ried so hard to reflect what was going on in our M. I tried very hard to think about what I did to make the M to this stage.

When I looked at the trees in our yard, they are bigger and stronger than our neighboors. These trees were palnted when we moved in as a new nieghboorhood. H always bought ferterlizer for the trees, I kept telling him why a tree needs ferterlizer. He just said that you alway want to go opposite with me. Now I thought about it, why couldn't I show my appreciation and admiration to him for what he did? Even though I don't agree, but these are not big things, but showing my appreciation would have helped so much I love this man.

He's been mowing the lawn all the time, I never did. He kept telling me neighboor's wives are doing it. I just shrugg my shoulder and did not say a word. Why couldn't I just say something and did something to show my appreciation? That way, I maybe able to deposit something to the love bank. The more I thought of, the more I felt I was stupid. I did not use all my chances to deposit in the love bank, now it is in red.

At this moment, I really miss him. It is not the painful way. I really wish him to be happy. I want to do everything to make him happy. Of course, his way is to let him go. If letting him go can make him happy, I may have to. I love and care about him. I wish we can be happy together, how do I show him I love him?

L&H

Do you have diarrhea everyday? Or just since this started? If it is every day you should go to your Dr. and see if you have irritable bowel syndrome or colitis or something like that. I take a medicine everyday for IBS it is called Lotronex and very expensive. If it is just stress you can take immodium AD. Whatever it is take care of yourself. I also got very sick from the IBS, I thought I was dying it was so terrible. Lotronex has saved my life. It is truly a miracle drug. Also some of the other drugs you are taking can cause Dia.... Some anti-Ds can cause it. Check your symtoms list for your meds. I hope you feel better.

NY

LNH,

MY D-day--when I found out that WH was emotionally involved with OW was October. Then in November, he went to a P/A and I found out about that right away, my 2nd D-day.

However, now it's been out in the open with everyone for nearly 6 months and that's what worries me. Dr. Harley's book says A's rarely survive in the light more than 6 months. He seems proud of his OW, carting her to meet the parents, etc.

I look at this as a very bad sign.

As for you and your health issues, this just makes it all that much more important to make sure you are getting enough nutrients. Are you able to eat healthy foods yet, or are you drinking any supplements?

LL

Ladies - Let's get back on a postive note. I am cooking Lostnhurts fried rice right now. It sure does smell good.

My diahrea started lately, like about 3 weeks ago. I have stomach ache too. But I am setermined to take care of myself, so i can take care of the kids and Wh if he comes home.

Tonight I finally got some business, couple people called about the mortgage. That got me occupied a little.

I praise GOD, I survive another day. Kids are ok. I also pray for everyone here. I pray for my H for his happiness, and OW's family, hope their family reuintes.

I will come back to talk when I put the kids in bed.

Believer, you are increditble woman, you always keep us up.

NY, LL, my friends, let's keep our chin up.

One thing I like to ask you ladies, my right breast always feel sore, not sharp pain, but sore and dull pain. Last mammagram and ultra sound showed nothing serious about a month ago, I was told to go back in 6 months. Should I go back to the Dr. now?

LNH,

If it stays sore for a long time, I'd go back, but I'm actually experiencing the same thing with my left one right now. I wear underwire bras only (because they give me the illusion that I'm actually bigger than a AA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

It's sore and tender along the outside, and the wires are really bothering me. It's done this two or three times before, and will stay this way sometimes for months. In the past, it's cleared up on it's own. I've been told that I have fibrocystic breasts which can cause it (was told to cut down the caffiene---yeah, like telling a drug addict to give up their drugs!). I have also been told that if you ovulate, sometimes a small cyst can form and until it goes away, it can cause breast pain. I'm not on the pill, so this seems the most likely scenario for me.

At any rate, hope that calms you. Normally breast cancer doesn't come with pain, though I did know one woman at my company who had a very rare type and that was her first sign. I'd say if your mammogram was clear, you're fine.

Believer,

As for you, you are one of the most positive people on here. Keep posting. I think this is one of your spiritual gifts...to lift others' spirits. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just got home from Al-Anon--my 3rd meeting now--see, I really did mean it when I said I'd go. They are a nice group, although small. Even though I don't share a lot in common with any of them other than a loved one who is an alcoholic, it's nice to just have an hour where we can share and take my mind off other things.

One more thing, LNH,

I love Asian food, but don't know how to cook it. If I give you my email address or something, when you're worrying about things, how about you email me some really great recipes?? Do you cook fairly mild dishes, or do you like some of them spicy? I like spicy things...really spicy.

LL

LNH

I hate to steal your thread, but I just have to tell you the latest late breaking news......MIL just called me and we had a great chat. Better than ever. Okay dig this stuff.....WH is annoyed with OW kid, doesn't care for him, he bugs him in general. That can't be good. Also, he took her to a store that we usually go to Lowe's a hardware store, and he said it didn't feel right taking her instead of me. Then she said that he used to talk about her all the time, and now he doesn't say anything about her at all, nothing. MIL doesn't think he is very happy with her anymore. She says she is hoping he will be done with A soon. She also said that they have told him that she is not going to be accepted into the family with open arms.

I was very happy to hear all of this news, although I dont know why, as when he was here yesterday I didn't have any feelings towards him at all one way or the other. Just numb. MIL also said she has noticed his grooming habits have gotten quite disgusting and she agrees with me finally on the depression. She never agreed when the DR. put him on meds before. Said she couldn't see it. I told her if he could get the meds he would come around and see life again.

I will keep you all posted. LNH get those recipes rolling me and DD love oriental food and spicy stuff.

NY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

NY,

I won't post much right now except to say that you are really strong and I look up to you for your strength. I wish I'd have done as good a Plan B as you did. Maybe I wouldn't still be here in this shape had I done it.

You are doing well. Keep it up. If he comes back (and it's sounding like things aren't all that warm and fuzzy in paradise anymore), you can thank your plan. And if he doesn't, you have become a stronger and more independent woman through all this.

LL

LL, thanks for your opinion. Guess I don't need to worry for a while.

NY, I am glad for your news. Please don't put too much hope in it, but keep yout hope and faith in GOD.

My e-mail adress is kzmath@hotmail.com, you are always welcome to e-mail me. I will post some recipes here peiodically. I don't cook spicy food, but if you like it to be spicy, just add some hot pepper or hot sauce to it.
Another thing about my recipes, I don't measure anythign when i cook, so it may not be exact. I will do my best to estimate. When you use the recipe, you can adjust it a little. Well, my habit may not be good, becasue I did the same when I made cookies. So my cookies turned out to be different every time.

Wh came home about 10pm. We did not talk much. I just asked him whether he can talk to SH today. He said yes, then he said maybe. I will pray that he will.

last night's sleep wasn't good either. Lots of nightmares and dreams. My nightmare went back to a building I lived about almost 30 years ago. I saw a huge fire in a 6 story building across. Some people went to the roof top, I think 5 girls. I called 911(that was in China, but I called 911, isn't it funny?) An airplane(not helicopter) came to rescue them, it tried to land twice on the flat roof. But 2 girls jump off before the airplane arrives, I was yelling to tell them to hold on, but they didn't listen and just jumped. One jumped into a lady, this lady broke her leg, and the girl died. It was a very sad dreadm. I was crying and kept saying why don't you hold on for couple more minutes. It was very emotion tense.

As I was awake, I reflected to myself. In a crisis, if we hold on a little bit longer, we can survive. That is what we need to do now.

Whoa that was awful. I know about bad dreams. I hate them.

Well the fried rice came out great and my kids and I gobbled it down. But it was not like chinese fried rice, more heavy and wet. So I think I did something wrong. I cooked rice in a rice cooker. Maybe I put in too much water. It was still very good.

It was nice to have something different. I'm tired of my own cooking.

Hope you have a good day and are taking good care of yourself. I have to go back to work after a week off. It will be hard, because I have been staying up late, and sleeping in the day.

Oh, believer, I forgot to mention that you need to cook your rice a little bit dry. Well, you can keep trying untill you get it.

Going back to work is good. It gives you something to hang on. I hope you have a good day too.

Yes, I love my job and it gives me a lot of satisfaction. I work in a Navy hospital as a project manager. We also take care of 10 clinics. It is very busy, and the day flies by.

The only thing I don't like about it is that I work with all men. I long for female company.

There are good side of working with males too. You are outstanding among them!

Please pray that my Wh will talk to SH and have good talks.

Yes there are good sides - I will try to think of them. I work with 16 men. Then I come home and spend time with my 2 boys. Too may men!

I will pray for you, husband and family today.

NY -

That is very encouraging news to me. I think it could be the beginning of the end for his A. Of course, who knows how long he will hang onto it, but be the lighthouse - and not for him - for you and your kids.

Please don't totally give up hope. When I was in my modified Plan B (true Plan B, but insisted upon by WH, not me), I withdrew myself emotionally from him as well. For my own protection. Don't be so sure that those feelings are not in there, if he ever comes to his senses.

Be open to the possibility that he truly has been abducted by aliens, and that the H you know and love might come back to you. Be open that your feelings could be different than they feel right now.

One thing I have learned on this journey is to stay away from absolutes, NOTHING is as it seems, and love is more powerful than I ever imagined.

Lots of love and support and HUGS!

And a shout out to my girlfriends LL and L&H! You gals are doing awesome. LL, come visit my thread every now and again. I miss you.

SS

SS, miss you. How are you doing in your recovering? Hope things are going well.

Can you point me out where your thread is about your modified Plan B? I need to learn, learn and learn.

H is home tonight. He cooked dinner. Now he took D out to buy a B-day gift for her friend. He is really a good father, and a good man. How I want to be close to him. But he is so distant to me. I love this man, but i don't know what to do. I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I want him to be happy.