Good morning to my friends. Let's remember this day Crist dies for our sins.

Last night I went to bed, fell in sleep right a way, but S came over to wake me up. He said he couldn't sleep. I had to get up and put him back to bed. After that I couldn't sleep.

So I called sis,we talked about an hour. Then called MIL, talked for another hour. MIL said H didn't call her for a while again didn't know what he was up to. I reported everything. I told her that he is not happy. She said that you have to do everything to make him happy(???). But I didn't disagree. Eventually I lead the topic to that he is not happy, he is very empty, he has no religiou, no hobbies, no friends, no anything. His life is just empty, nothing he can enjoy. MIL finally agreed with me. I didn't want to force her to agree with me, I am just concern about her son. She said that he might have mental health problem and need to see a pyschaitrist. But anyway, I don't know the solution. I just prayed for him. I said that in order for him to be happy, he has to be WILLING to be happy, open himself up and let go his own pride, NO ONE can MAKE him happy.

I still couldn't sleep after that, so I took half a pill of Xenax. But I got up early this morning. I prayed and read the Bible.

He is still not here and I don;t know where is is about. Are we going to Toronto, I don't know. But I don't feel sad or anxious. Just let it be.

It 11am here now. He is is still no trace to be found. Kids are whining to go, nephews called to ask to come soon. If he didn't say he would come, I would just left bu myself.

What is going on? Why did he do this to me and the kids?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lostnhurt:
<strong>What is going on? Why did he do this to me and the kids? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A bring the worst trait of all ... selfishness. In it WS is not capable to care anything else but the source of his addiction.

Treat him like an insane person that you loved dearly. All his actions, past, present and future are forgiven.

Hang in there & vent in here.

-rh-

RH, I am still hanging in here. But this moment I am hurt really bad. I read Bible and prayed. The kids are whining. Oh, how I want this whole thing to end soon. Even MIL said the same thing. But she couldn't so anything.

I tried to take a nap, but couldn't sleep. I read read and read. I read SAA, I read the Bible, I read the book called GOD is calling. I couldn't sleep. I am feeling so anxious now.

I am shaking and feeling so hurt. My heart aches.

{{{Lostandhurt}}}

Breathe in, breathe out...

I am praying for you. Even though you can't see it right now, God is at work in your husband this very minute.

If he calls you are liable to Lb, the way you are feeling. You need to rest your mind. Try to sleep a bit.

Its going to be okay.

Shul

LNH,

I've experienced what you are feeling, being so anxious that you can't get your mind off the situation even by reading, and you just feel worse and worse.

If you can, try getting up and walking around. If you can't actually go on a walk (which would probably help the most, because you can focus on the things around you), I've even been known to just pace my floor in my house. The exercise eventually relaxes me a bit. Just sitting around makes you think more and more on it.

You are in my prayers. I hope you are still able to go to Toronto. I'm sort of undecided on what to do this weekend myself. I've been invited to my sis's for Easter dinner on Sunday, but my family will all be there and then I have to deal with questions about WH and myself. I don't like doing that, because it makes me think about us. But if I don't go, it'll just be the kids and I at home for Easter, and that will feel strange, too, because I've always celebrated with WH.

LL

Shul and LL, Thank you for your prayer. I really need toconcertrate on myslef. Like what you said, I will go take a walk and hope that will help. I don't know when he will be here or even will be here. But I don't want to disappoint myself buy this. I got to be strong.

Please keep praying for me. I am going to respond to MOMto3boys.

Lost, could you go to toronto without your H? or do you need for him to go to help w/driving? how long of a drive is it from where you live to toronto? prayers to you sweetheart.

RR, I can go to Toronto by myself. But since he said that he will go, I don't want to go leaving him behind. Even though he broke his promise, but I don't want to act selfish. If he doesn't come back tonight, I will go there by myself.

I think I would just go. It is not fair to the kids, especially since he has not even called you. He is definitely back in the fog. The OW may have been angry that he was going.

Hang in there. Mine is continuing to lie to me.

I will give him till tonight. I will definitely go tomorrow morning. I am to tired to drive now. It will take about 5 hours.

I just went to a walk. I feel a little better. I just want to talk to some one . Talking make me feel better. But sis is driving now. I talked to her this morning. I called the pastor in Canada. I called MIL last night. I don't know who to talk to now.

Kids are watching a movie. Hearing their laughter make me feel good and sad too. How innocent they are. But how did their father treat them? I want to cry.

He just came in and telling us we will go now. I asked him why he didn't answer my calls. He said I didn't know it.(????)

You are dealing with an addict. The Economist recently published a study that showed that romantic love affects the brain the way crack cocaine does.

No sane man would do to his family what this man is doing. Take pity on the guy, realize it has nothing to do with you, and at least you will be the one with him in Toronto.

<small>[ April 09, 2004, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

just let it roll off on your shoulders, you can't let him see that it bothers you because like what was said above you are dealing w/an addict. SH has said this to me that i have to remain guarded and prepared and not let what my H says or does deter me because he is acting on his emotions and he is an addict. now of course, this is easier said then done sometimes.

How often are you counseling w/SH? or is that kind of on hold until the MB weekend? if you can afford it i would still do some counseling w/SH because he will help keep you focused and keep you motivated. like he told me in our session yesterday (i was telling him that i was starting to have doubts about my ability to see this through) he said that my energy has been sapped that i'm in a race but it's an endurance race. anyone that starts off in a race of course does it w/the intention of running the best race they can and of finishing the race. but what often happens is that at some point those in a race may start to have doubts about whether they can finish the race or may even consider giving up. so he told me if i'm feeling this way that i need to pull back and save some of my energy because i have to FINISH the race. i'm not out to set a record but to finish.

hope that helps much prayers to you.

Hi, friends. I am finally in Toronto now. After having dinner with brother, we are in his home.

It really bothered me with this guy(WH) sitting by me while driving. How could he do all those awful things to me and now he saw my brother. I felt so disgusted. But I hold it to myself and prentend nothing happen. SH told me at lest hold till MB weekend. I will update everything to you myfriends. Thanks for your prayer.

You're doing very well. Please try to enjoy this time with your family. You need to relax and have some fun for a change. We will all be thinking about you.

My WH asked me to go to Easter sunrise service at the beach with him Sunday morning. I was quite surprised and agreed to go.

Is there any way you two could be together out of town until the MBW? There may be a cost saving in terms of your health bills and avoidance of divorce costs if you are able to do this.

Hi girls. I am now painting my bathroom, making it a lighter color. I went to the garage sales today, and got some good deals - some playstation2 games, Matrix and Veronica something, for my boys. Also I got a real Fossil purse for $5.00 that the lady paid $80.00 for at the exchange.

The downside is my WH is still lying to me. I asked him for $385. yesterday. He gave me $300. and said he could not scrape up the extra $85. He does not know I have access to his bank account online. Well last night he withdrew $200. to blow on OW. So I am bummed.

I have been good to him lately, encouraging him to retire, telling him I want the best for him, and that I will not file for D. I thought maybe he would be straight with me. But I guess not.