</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Yes my WH has a Harley, 2 in fact, a 73 Shovelhead, and a new 2003 </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well now ladies something we have in common..WS has a Roadking and I an 883 Sportster... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

WS is still pulling my chain ...still seeing OW but throwing little tidbits out there to keep reeling me in...latest...I wanted rent out our Florida property for next winter as we have had an inquiry to rent for the winter months..WS's response "I am reluctant to committ to rent property this far in advance as I had hoped that there may a possiblity of "us" spending the winter there next year"...now how does he see that happening when he is still seeing OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...what is this all about...man this guy is good... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ April 14, 2004, 06:59 AM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

Lostnhurt,
You have so much grace in dealing with this situation that it brings tears to my eyes.

The MB weekend is a "line in the sand" and it is clear that some people do not make the decision to break contact with their WSs. In that case, Dr. Harley recommends Plan B. Your 9 days of hanging on gives the line in the sand as definitely the MB weekend.

My H and I are on to Lesson 3 of HN/HN, Affection. I am realizing that he gave to OW what he denied me ever since the birth of our first child in March 1994 when he said it was too hard to be affectionate without having sex. Well, now there is no sex. I am completely repulsed. Unlike many others, I gained weight instead of losing weight -- 40 pounds in two years. I think it has to do with a revulsion that I was the one who had been a whore all these years, participating in sex without the emotional attachment formed by affection.

Anyway, steel yourself for the probability that the MBW will not result in the end of the A. I think Dr. Harley has said that only 15% of affairs die by one party ending it and 85% die a natural death, usually within 6 months of being exposed. Whatever you can do to expose it -- like your MIL knowing and the OW's family knowing -- is all you can do, and then you need to let the rest go.

From my perspective, you may want to think about being all ready for Plan B if there is contact with OW after the MBW. Someday he may return, after the natural death of the affair, and be ready to go through the MB follow up, but that follow up is really tough and you'll need to have the emotional reserve to deal with it.

One interesting thing my H said to me the other day, something that for some reason I think may help you, was that he wouldn't be willing to reconcile if, say, we divorced and three years later I would want to give our M another try like what happened with one woman who lives down the street from us. I said that that wouldn't be a problem for me because I would never want to attempt a reconciliation if this program doesn't work. We're on the last try and that's it.

The reason why I am telling you this is I can see your H saying that he just needs some time and that he will want a D if you go to Plan B. Again, I'm trying to learn from Dr. Harley and my own experiences here, but I think it will be important for you to call his bluff and say that that is fine with you -- you're willing to accept a D rather than have him continue to see OW while trying to reconcile with you. Dr. Harley has said that the OP always looks better than the BS, and I can appreciate why -- the OP is happy and getting lots of needs met, and the BS is very unhappy. You need to be with him only if he is willing to work on meeting your needs!

Good luck.

thinking of you and sending prayers to you.

Friends, thank you for your prayer and thoughts.

My H even didn't want to reconcile. It is out of question. He always wanted a D, but with no action. I don't know what it is. I wished he just file and the whole thing done. Now his action one day gave me a glimse of hope, other day dumped me to the deep valley. I am sick and tired of it. I gave the MB weekend as deadline for Plan B. meanwhile, I should lo up GOD, put my trust on HIM, instead of WH's action.

I really want to call H to tell him how hurtful his action was to me. What do you think?

I am by no means an expert here hon but I would advise no...he knows how much this is hurting you and your family and chooses to ignore it...I have found the less I see of WS and have contact the better I cope...I am taking my example from Believer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ...I know it hurts...Ws moved out in October and I hurt everyday but have learned to try to keep busy...try not to feel needy in front of WS...try to do things for yourself if possible...I guess that is all I can offer you right now...just know I am thinking of you and feel your pain

I called him. I ended up crying. I told him that he has to make a decision.

Ahhh hon...pressuring him will get you nowhere...see Lost Bird's post on no contact and space...WS tells me he appreciates me giving him his space and not reacting in anger...see how bad you feel now...just try a few days of no contact...you will feel better

Yeh, you are right. I still feel so bad. But what was doen was done. I will just pray that GOD will handle the rest.

LNH,

Don't beat yourself up about calling and telling him to make a choice. It's in the past, probably not the best thing to do, but you can't change it. I've done the same thing, over and over. I know it doesn't work. I know it pushes WH further away. But sometimes in our pain, we don't always think things through clearly.

I hurt like you. My WH gave notice on his apt and has to move by 4/30. I was hopeful he would move home (and give up OW) because that was the original talk. Now it doesn't appear that's happening. He had originally wanted to drive me home from FL on his Harley in May. Now it doesn't look like that's happening either. Lot's of hopes dashed.

I, like you, will eventually probably have to do a real Plan B if things don't change, and I'm just as fearful as you are, because I just keep thinking "what if he forgets me?"

For the other Harley owners...

My WH has a 1999 Heritage Springer. At one time he was looking at a Sportster for me, but I'd have to learn how to drive one. I only ride at this point.

LL

LL, thanks. I know how much we are a like. I just feel sooooooooo bad now. I feel like the world is going to colapse. Actually, if it is true, that would be better for me now.

I don't know anything about Harley, I just have their stocks.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know anything about Harley, I just have their stocks.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Well if you have stock in HOG hon you have something to smile about today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

((((((((HUGS)))))))))

N. O., thanks for the big hug.

I feel that you are like Believer who can bring sun shine to everyone. You are so blessed to have grandchildren. I don't understand why those WS want to avoid all these good women.

Just think how he feels when you call him and threaten him as compared with how he feels when he talks with OW... What I concluded was I was going to let Harley's program either work on him or not but it was beyond me...and that helped calm me down.

Hang on to 9 days of this hell and then the program and, if the deicision isn't made for NC, then Plan B...BUT NEVER AGAIN what you are going through...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel that you are like Believer who can bring sun shine to everyone. You are so blessed to have grandchildren. I don't understand why those WS want to avoid all these good women.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You and me both hon..when folks see WS with OW they almost puke (where is that pesky puke smily when you want it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ...she is dowdy short and dumpy...must be because she can hang from the chandeliers and spin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You can see my Pic on this thread...I am the last poster...

http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?p=2043164#post2043164

M.O., you look great.

Cherished, I feel so stupid. I don't know whether i want to talk yo him tonight.

Actually, I was not talking about OW. I forgot about her. I meant that he is half way between moving out and stay, not coming home without telling me. I told him he either stay or move out, period. He has to make the decision.

At this point, it is only 9 days until you are on your cruise. Can you just plan that he can come and go as he pleases -- totally let off the pressure on him -- and then allow the program itself to force him to decide what he wants to do?

Remember that you are making things unpleasant for him by asking him to move out or stay. Count the hours, if need be. Can you get through tonight simply not being concerned where he is and whether he'll be home or not? Try that. It's not your decision. It's his. Your decision is whether to go to Plan B, and at this point it may be best to wait until MBW.

Harley is well aware that some of the people who attend are in the midst of an affair. It's not like he has to have made a no contact commitment in order to attend.

My bad feeling is coming back to haunt me now. Oh, how I wish I am in deep sleep now.