I'm so tired of living like this. so tired.....<P>Everyone here has been wonderful and I want to thank all of you. I wish I had words of wisdom but I don't.

{{{{{devastated2}}}}}<P>Are you ok?<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

Devistated2<BR> Are you ok??????? What is going on? YOu are in my prayers!<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

Prayers to you devasted2<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{devestated2}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

Devastated2,<BR>Please don't give up. God doesn't want you to give up. I don't have any real words of wisdom for you. I to struggle with weakness and I always turn to God and he shows me reason to go on. I will pray for you. I'm new here and the people have been wonderful. Trust in them and in God. God will never leave you. I just read Psalms 29. maybe that might help. Just keep your faith in God.<BR>He preforms miracles.

devastated2,<P>We're not to tired to carry you... emotionally. When you're praying to God and you think there is no answer... turn around... He sent <B>us</B> to <B>you</B> as His answer!<P>Let us help! <P>Jim

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dev2}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Come back and talk to us. We're waiting and worrying.<P>Lori

Hey D2,<P>You don't say something like that and go away! What's going on upstairs? You sound very depressed. I was there too a few months ago.<P>I just got my FMD to increase my dosage of Wellbutrin. He was very concerned about prescribing a higher dose because I did have suicidal ideations earlier. He didn't want me to take myself out with an overdose. I had to convince him that I feeling better and those thoughts are gone. He still wants to see me this month to do a pysch profile. <P>You have the best sounding board right here. Did you see all of us that are worried about you?<P>It does get better.<P>Tim

hi devastated,<BR>You have mail. <BR>Come on back, we all want to listen; to be the shoulder, or to help. Whatever you need, there are lots of people here that care deeply for you. There is an incredible amount of love here and all are willing to give it to you. You started to reach out, now keep on reaching.<BR>(((hugs))) cl

Dev2,<P>What's going on? <P>Talk to us!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Hello everyone. I am sorry if I caused you to worry. At the time I posted I just couldn't see any light anymore. I felt like I could actually go through with not being around anymore to feel anymore. No more pain, sadness, disappointment, etc....<P>But I couldn't because of my D. If she wasn't in my life, I would. But I do feel I have failed her and what good am I to her or anyone else. All I wanted was the best for her and because of me I have made her life less than expected. I know I'm not making much sense probably. I'm tired and a hole so dark that I can't see the way out. I don't want to cause her more pain so I must find a way out of this. But I honestly thought that if I were here no more everyone's life would be better. Like I said, I'm invisible anyway so what would it matter.<P>Yeah, I'm feeling extremely down. Haven't been there since my grandfather took his life. It was wrong for him to do this, I know, but I can understand how he got to that point...............I miss him.

Devastated,<BR>Please, please, go to counseling!!! I'm really worried about you. You are stronger than you think and no, the world would not be a better place without you. Just think about MB. Everyone here would miss you so much!!!<BR>Keep talking to us, it will help!!<BR>(((((hugs)))))

I <B>know</B> where you are coming from, and have also had a family member take his life. Very scary, and some days seem like "hey, this mental illness is obviously in my blood, so I'm not really responsible..."<P>How well I know that place. Thank God for your daughter... she will help you see the light when you're ready...<P>Hugs and best wishes (and prayers too!)<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

D2,<P>I have come to value you opinions, and I need you in my life. Don't leave.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

devastated,<BR>The worse thing about suicide is that it is contagious - my son had a friend in second grade whose great-grandfather and uncle on his mother's side, and his father had all committed suicide - he was far too "worldly" for a little child - I worry about his being able to cope as he grows up.

sorry double post.<p>[This message has been edited by hw (edited January 02, 2000).]

Devastated,<P>I hear your pain. I have been there as most of us have been. I like to think of it as a tunnel rather than a hole. A tunnel is something we go through rather than something we sit it. Sometimes when you're in the middle of the tunnel it doesn't feel that way because you can't see the light yet, but keep walking it is there.I will pray that you see light soon. I will pray for us all.

hi devastated, Glad you came back. <BR>Listen to what people are saying here. Lots of us have been in the dark places, and thank goodness we have each other to help us find the path again. You just got sidetracked.<BR>Trying all the time gets so hard, so old. Take a break, take some time off from this job!! It really is a lot of work, very demanding and tiring. Sometimes, just imagining a day away from our pain lifts the burden a bit. Let some of the others help you carry the burden.Peek out of the tunnel and force yourself to look at the daylight. <BR>Your daughter is so precious and she really needs you to show her the way in life, to teach her!<BR>Hang in there devastated. You really are going to be fine again. Time will show you that. (((hugs))) cl<BR>

I can't tell you all how much I appreciate all of you and need you.<P>H insisted on reading this post. I didn't want him to and he knew this. But he insisted and read it. Now he is lying on the bed sulking and making me feel like I am horrible for being honest. He just can't seem to see anything but his feelings and how things affect him. What about me? He says he gets nervous everytime he comes home and sometimes doesn't feel like he wants to come home. So I asked him why does he. He didn't know was his answer. <P>Made me feel worse. Then he got upset about that. I asked him why he felt this way about coming home. He said because he doesn't know what to expect. I'm nice then I get upset. I told him I get upset because of his moods. They change without warning. I have been called unkind names and gotten unreasonable reactions from him over trivial things, like the computer not functioning right. <P>He is on Serzone but keeps forgetting to take it. And I do remind him but he still forgets anyway. So what am I suppose to do about this. He wants me to keep being there for him but says nothing if I feel things are not right. In other words, just be happy he is supporting us and not expect anything more or put any pressure on him. Make his life pleasant. OKay, I have but where did it get me. Right where I am now. In that tunnel. <P>And if I did not have all of you right now and saying the things you are to me, I would drive that car of ours as fast as it would go and close my eyes. Speeding right into the other side. Depression and anger is not a good mix.<P>Why does it have to be so hard damn it? I have to fight I know and find my own happiness and comfort. I feel God led me here and I must remember that. I am leaning yes, and I'm fighting right now to keep from falling all the way down.....................................<p>[This message has been edited by devastated2 (edited January 02, 2000).]

Dev,<P>I know how you feel in the pit - I was there last couple weeks and it is awful! <P>Why do you feel you are letting your D down? You are a great Mom who wants the very best for her girl. Now, how can that be letting her down???????? It isn't. It shows us all what a great Mom you are. <P>Everything you are feeling is justified. You have been through alot and now youfeel your tamk is on empty and you need some support back form your H. Unfrotuantley, sounds like he is unable to give you the support you ned right now.<P>Stay with us and as NSR/Jim says - let US be your support!! Don't let the depression suck youdown and keep you down. You can get over it - keep trying! Do it in 15 minute increments. Try to make yourself feel better for 15 minutes and if that works, try for another 15 minutes and so on. Just keep trying!!!!!<P>We need you here, as Bill said!<P>Roll Me Away<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>