It's just amazing, but in the program, I am getting to the point where I realize that making a commitment for life no matter what is just an invitation for abuse. There needs to be a mutual commitment to care no matter what.

That gives me the willingness to let Tom go if he thinks that is in his best interest. I cannot sacrfice my self-respect and self-interest to keep him here and besides it just plain didn't work when that's what I did.

Lostnhurt, you've made it another day. Congratulations! I think you are far better prepared for this program than I was two months ago when I went into it.
Cherished

Hi, friends. Thank you for your encouragement.

But the WH showing up really throw me off. I have work to do, but I don't want to do oit. I am going to walk agian to make me feel better, so I can do my work.

There are 4 stories in the book I was reading, one women was reconciled with WH, but the other did not. I still have two to read. I have to keep my mind open, I can not just think about one solution. Like Cherished said, if he really wants to go, just let go.

Focus on your own dignity as a child of God. It is very difficult. I am realizing as I write to you that we are in a much more similar situation than I had first thought. My H seems to be trying to decide if I'm worth the effort. That is very difficult to face. It is easier to face if you know that it is up to your H, not to you.

well hello lost, it took me awhile to get caught up w/your posts but wanted you to know i'm still thinking about you and praying for you. as far as the getting a dog thing, go to a shelter or an animal welfare society and adopt a dog, not a puppy. help yourself by helping a dog who was "thrown" away for whatever reason and give them some happiness. You could also do some volunteer work like at a soup kitchen, women's shelter, or the humane society. i know you know there are people out there worse off then us and by giving to them it can help you heal as well. maybe your kids would want to volunteer at an animal shelter as well.

just some ideas to consider. you only have a few days left before the cruise so hang in there. remember you're in marathon not a sprint. we are all human and if something happens that you don't want or didn't expect just pick yourself up and start fresh the next day. prayers to you.

Just walked for another hour. I kept praying while walking. I feel safe to talk to GOD.

Cherished, I realized now that the whole thing is not up to me, not to Wh either, it is totally up to GOD. GOD will handle the whole thing. I will accept anything HE give me with joy, joy from heart. It was amzing that last night before bed time, kids and I were ready to pray, WH came over, I invited him to pray with us. He did. He is not a believer, his heart is very hard. But he did hold our hands, we took turn praying. He only said one sentence, wish all of us health and happy. I said Haleluja. This morning, he asked me when we are going to MB weekend, he is going to take a day off. I praise GOD for everhthing, but I still look upon GOD. I will not let human's action to rule my mind now.

RR, thank you for all your suggestion. I am going to looking into some volunteer oppotunity after the MB weekend, or get involved in more church work.

Well my WH showed up last night and spent the night here. He is still very mixed up. He said he loves me and wants to be married, but also loves his OW. I was nice to him. So now I will go back to Plan B, or whatever plan I am in. Oh, he did pay the rent, so I won't get thrown out.

Hang in there, yours will come around. They are just very addicted.

Believer, good for you. You are so strong. The story I read about lastnight, was a lady went through this for 3 years. Like you, she was just being nice to her WH, he was going back and forth between her and OW. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't give up OW. They have 4 daughters. Finally, one day WH was in an airplane and an Priest sat next to him. He told the priest about the struggle, the priest told him to go back to his wife now. So he went back to his wife instead of OW right off the plane. But it was 3 years since D-day.

She was devestated. She drove a car try to run over OW, she tried to cut OW hair b/c she though maybe her long hair attractec her WH. I was laughing on her acts. She was arrested and stayed overnight in the police. Her pastor bailed her out and got a lawyer for her so she didn't have to be thrown to the jail. But she had the court order to saty away from OW at aleast 100 ft. There were other stupid acts too, that took her a year. Finally she repend to GOD and calm her self down.

But you are so nice, I think that it will save you at least a year. Orchid told me hers went through 3 years.

My WH also admitted he spent $100. on a tatoo for OW last week. Her BH called me today and told me he was very upset that she would get a tatoo, but never spends any money for food or clothes for her 12 year old daughter.

He said all his friends and family told him not to let her be around his daughter. I told him I thought a 12 year old girl needs her mom. She learned good values from her dad, so I think contact with mom is important.

By the way, the tatoo is a heart with barbed wire around it. OW told her H that is was to protect her heart from being broken.

So what is OW's H attitude? Is he in this board? Does he want a D? how did he survive?

He is very sad, but getting on with his life. He takes care of his daughter and works, so he doesn't have a lot of time. He is a good man, and a great father.

I think he would take his wife back, although he says he won't. I told him about this site, but so far he has not come here.

But he has become a good friend, and we support each other. The weird thing is that OW tells my WH that her daughter is the most important thing in the world to her. That makes her husband laugh. I told my WH if that is true, why doesn't she spend some time with her daughter?

OW tells my H that she does spend time with her daughter, and my H believes her. But she spends less that an hour a week with her.

<small>[ April 19, 2004, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

Well, they all say the same things. B/c tehy follow the WS handbook.

Just come back from D's conseling session. It was long.

But my bad feeling is haunting me now. I have to do something to get rid of it. Oh, how I wish to get off the rollercoaster ride.

Hang in there, girl. It will get better some day. Just keep walking or keeping busy. Sooner or later, you will start feeling good again.

LNH,

I'm convinced that getting lots of exercise is really helpful. I felt better yesterday, and now today as I sit at my desk all day, my mind starts to wander and I start worrying that WH will rent a different apartment at the end of the month, move OW in with him, and never be able to break free.

I have to keep reminding myself that I can't make his decisions for him. I have to just trust God.

Believer,

At least your WH didn't get a matching tattoo with his OW, did he? Did I mention on here that my WH got his second matching one with OW a couple weeks ago. It's a stupid purple 4-leaf clover on his chest. So no matter which side I see of him, the back side or the front side, if he ever comes back to me I'll see a reminder of her. They have matching symbols for "affection" or "love" tattooed on the back of their necks.

I'm glad to hear your housing situation is solved for a while longer. I was concerned for you. It's difficult enough going through what you're going through, without having to lose your house.

I think I'm going to leave work a little early today and go home and fix dinner, and then maybe try and start that stenciled leaf border I've been wanting to do forever in my master bath.

LNH, you're such a good decorator, maybe someday I'll email you a couple pictures of my house and you can tell me what you think it needs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LL

Hey everyone, I had a good day today. OW's H called me 3 times wanting to know what is going on. OW stayed with her BH every night last week, then on Saturday, moved out all of her things. BH thinks she moved in with my WH. I dropped him off at his house this AM and didn't see any sign of her, but you all know how sneaky they can be.

LL - If I get a tatoo, it will be my WH's name - and I'll put it on my #ss.

LNH,

How are you doing? Only 4 more days until your cruise! Is it just you and your sister going? I'm envious--I've never been on a cruise.

I've been trying to keep busy to keep myself calm and my mind off things. Tonight I forgot to mail my parents' bills and one needed to go out immediately, so had run back downtown to the main post office where I knew they'd be processed tonight. I asked DD if she'd like to go with me and then out to eat. She actually agreed, so I was nice and took her out for steak, even though it was a bit more expensive than I'd planned.

We had a good meal and good conversation. She seems more pleasant. I'm not sure if it was the night she spent in the psychiatric unit, if the Zoloft is starting to work, or if things are just going her way, but whatever it is, it's working right now. She still gets moody and cranky but hasn't been so consistently moody as before.

I hope your DD is able with prayer and counseling and your support to get through this difficult time and cheer up, too. It's tough on us, but even more so when we have kids who are struggling and we don't know how to help them.

I am praying for you, that you have strength to hang tough this week and that you have a good cruise and time to relax and get ready for the MBW.

Hopefully I can catch up with you again by phone before you go. In the mean time, post here (and always feel free to email me) and keep us updated on how things are going up in Michigan.

Believer,

Great idea for a tattoo!!

LL

Just keep taking one day at a time. Then believe that the Lord is working on this. In the story of Daniel in the lion's den, he prays for help, but his prayer is not answered right away. But his prayer was heard, and the Lord was working on it. We have to know that the Lord is taking care of this problem for us, even though we can't see it.

Good morning friends, I am here. Believer's tatoo idea is great, it makes me laugh too.

Wh was home and using the computer whole night. There is another one next to him, but I don't want to post just next to him. But I spent the whole evening helping S to do his home work, not necessaraly helping, I mean pushing. They didn't settle down till almost 10:30pm. I was so tired from walking, going back and forth diferent thing, i fell asleep right away.

But then someone pushed me at night, I woke up, it was S. It was 1am. he was crying and complaining a stuffy and bleeding nose. So I got up to help him, when I went downstairs, I saw WH was still infront of the computer. I told him that if he couldn't sleep, please take care of S, I will sleep. Then he shut off the computer right away and went straight to bed. It took me almost 2 hours to calm S down. I massaged him, gave him steam for his nose, took care of the blood, went up and down countless times, finally I gave him Benerdryl, and put to sleep. I am so exauhsted.

This morming, I got up 6am to take care of D. When I came back from dropping D to school, WH was already up and watching TV. But he told me to get S up. So I got him up, he had bleeding nose again. After, everything, I was so tired. On the way to work, I almost felt asleep and drive into the car in front of me. But I like it to be so tired, so my mind won't wonder. I kept praising GOD for everything.

LL, you did well. I wish I know how to decorate. I saw some spots of walls in my house with dirty finger prints, so I may paint them in the summer.

yes, 3 more days for the cruise, I am excited, nut also feel sad, because I have to leave the kids behind. I will miss them. Cruise was fun, I went to one in 2001, that was after 9/11, there was a crazy sale, a 5day 4 night cruise was $99 per person. That was a family fun time during Christmas. I wish there will be more time like that again.

It will be great for you to go on a cruise. Sometimes a little distance helps you look at things differently.

Also it will be good for H to have to watch the kids. He needs to get more involved with them. Tell your kids if they have problems to call WH's mother for advice.

You need to start worrying about YOU. Your WH will come back, let's be sure to keep you well until then. Don't fall asleep at the wheel.

Believer, thank you for your concern. I am taking care of myself now. I can eat and sleep when I was tired. At least my wieght didn't keep going down. It is stable. Reading a lot, especially the Bible helps me a lot. Calling friends helps me too.

How is everything on you now, it is like that your WH is turning around. I am so happy for you. I hope your financial situation gets better. Yesterday, WH wrote me a check for $3000. But haven't given me anything since January. He should have given me this amount every month.