After coming back from a funeral today of a friend of mine 43, who died from Bcancer, my H called me and I had the convo that I never thought I would have. (H has had multiple A's and is currently "slowly backing out of another") I have been waiting years for him to be A-free!

I was sooo sad and upset because my F's H was unfaithful to her too. so when my H called, I burst into tears and said that I really wanted to work on our M but that we had to have a plan like the POJA where we are both in agreement in everything we do. We should do everything to make each other happy and promise not to do things to hurt one another. I said that we should make lists... I told him that I just couldn't take living like we have been. ( I pretend to be happy wtih him while knowing about the A's) This doesn't work for me. I said that we needed Rad. honesty and even if he is attracted to someone, he should tell me and we both can tackle it.


He is against all formal plans and feels if we are just good to one another, things will get better. I then said loudly that we had tried this before with no success. Even though I have
within the last 10 years tried to focus more on him, care about my dress, improve our S life and all that, he is stell attracted to young women and gets involved.

My point is that I said I WOULD RATHER BE DIVORCED THAN CONTINUE TO LIVE LIKE THIS. Or to even trust that things will 'just work out".

I love him and our priest today during the eulogy said that my F's last request was that we forgive one another. This rings in my ears but if my H denies involvement or minimizes its effect on me, he doesn't even admit there is anything to forgive.

Any thought? Am I in for trouble by not holding him to accountability that he believes is my method of control?

To me it sounds like your H knows that you won't follow through with anything because you haven't in the past. And from what you have said you have been doing all the "fixing" of yourself but he hasn't. Part of radical honesty is that he has to know how you feel when he hurts you. You said yourself you let him think its o.k. when its not. Figure out what you can live with and what you can't, tell it to him and then go live your life, when he sees you going on doing what you need to do for you he might say she's serious this time and she's moving on without me I better jump on the bandwagon too.
just my opinion.