<small>[ February 13, 2004, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: nid ]</small>

Dear Nid - I think it is very well written and expresses what you are feeling - I think you should send a copy to the OW - so she knows how much you love your husband - best of luck

Letter sounds good, go for it- what do you have to loose? Remember to stick to what it says, and whenever you feel like you can't go on anymore because you feel so much anxiety and pain from what is going on, give it to the Lord, make him a part of everything you are going thru. I know for me, I was the pursuer and the more I pursued my H to come home, the more he distanced himself from me. The only time he truly started to move towards me was when I really could feel that I would be OK without him, when I no longer felt so devastated by the A, and felt I couldn't go on without holding tight to something that I had lost. When I did give it all over to the Lord, and sincerely directed my efforts to changing myself, which meant backing off and leaving him alone, beginning to feel secure in my own world without him, then he started to like what he say and started to move closer to me. At this time the OW started to look less interesting, more demanding that me, and more of a bother. An A is almost always based on dishonesty from both parties and is a fantasy world they choose to exist in. They do not last when the realities and pressures of the world set in. As the smoke started to diminish and my H started to make the changes needed as well as myself, truth be told, he was not in love with the OW, only was getting his needs met by her since I was not meeting them. He thought he loved her, and for 5 years he thought he loved "both of us", but after the ending of it and several months later, he knows now that he didn't love her, only needed her. He has and truly does love me, and I thank the Lord that I have the opportunity to be able to show him how much I do love him after 29 years of abusive behaviors. Trust in the Lord, he is good and will give you the desires of your heart. One more note, I read an exeptional eye opening book by Dr. Laura Schleslinger called the "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." At one point in this book, I was crying and after really realizing what damage I had been doing to my husband for years, I was actually happy that he had been able to feel love from someone for the last 5 years, because he certainly hadn't received any from me. Just a realization that an A is the result of and the need to ask yourself- How did your lovebucket get so empty the the S had to look elsewhere. Until you both can take responsibility for the A, I feel you cannot begin to restore. Good Luck and I will be praying for you.

nid

In my opinion this is way too long. WS's have a short attention span. The Plan B letter needs to say that you love and want to stay married, you are sorry for your part in what led to him feeling bad about the marriage, but to protect your love for him, there has to be NC between you.

Then you go on to say that if the time ever comes where OW is out of the picture, you would like very much to discuss a plan for reconciliation.

Hopefully someone else will give another opinion.

THis is so moved. I had tears in my eyes while reading it. But Believer maybe right, your H doesn't care. He may not read it at all. They don't think normally.

Believer, are you there? I meant to call you last night, but I was so tired. I will try some time in the weekend.

Yes, I'm still around. We'll talk soon.

Anyone else have any input?

Thanks for all your replies.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> give it to the Lord, make him a part of everything you are going thru </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">dpu, this is exactly what I am doing, and it is the only thing that brings me peace. Please read my post in gen. ques. II, especially on pp. 4 and 5.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> THis is so moved. I had tears in my eyes while reading it. But Believer maybe right, your H doesn't care. He may not read it at all. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lostnhurt, I think he does care. Check out my post as I asked dpu to do. It will give you a better understanding.