Yesterday on my way home from work I called FWH to see how things went during the day (he was on way to work - night shift). We had a nice converstation nothing rude just being concerened. When I got home from work I noticed his stuff was gone. He had moved out during the day without telling me or leaving a note. He didn't even say anything on the phone.

My mother keeps our baby while I'm at work. I asked her if FWH had come over to see the baby before leaving for work. She said yes, he looked in on him because baby was asleep. The she asked why, I said because FWH has taken his stuff, he has moved out. Then I said I'll just go pack the rest of it. I left her house to go home. Baby still asleep.

My mother called my FWH to see what was going on and why he left without saying anything. (My mother is like a mother to FWH) FWH said that I was asking to many questions this morning when he got in from work and he decided to leave.

I don't know what to do now. I have not called him. I don't want him to think I'm being pushy. Terrible timing - my father left my mother 2/12/90. Our wedding anniversary 3/18/04 (11years). Any suggestions????????
j

p.s. I hope this is in the right forum.

r&j-

You must be devastated. Your H is deeply in the fog and can't even be decent enough to let you know what is going on.

Have you done Plan A at all? If you have, might be time for Plan B. Take care of yourself and your little one.

I tried really hard to do plan A but it didn't work when he first moved home. I became angry but I got pasted that a few weeks ago. This past week, I have stuck to plan A. I don't know what is going on. I haven't heard from him since Thursday.

I don't know much about plan B. I will have to read up on it. Thanks.
j

A good Plan A needs to last several months if possible. Try to Plan A him when you see him.
In the meantime, keep reading here until you get comfortable with the whole concept.

It will not be pleasant, but the only thing you can do right now is work on yourself.

WH finally called Sunday while we were at church. He called back that evening wanting to know how the baby was. He said he had been to a lawyer to have papers drawn up for a divorce.

I said okay. I was very nice and not asking questions on the phone. He was shocked about my attitude. How I know this is he went to my moms today to see the baby. My mom said he told her a few times that during our conversation I was happy.

I think that is so funny. Especially since he was seen shopping with OW yesterday in our local wal-mart.

Hey, that's where my WH and OW always go shopping. Maybe we have a trend here - WalMart.

Update: Very long---------
Monday evening: WH left message on machine said papers would be ready on Tuesday, he didn't want to both me at work because he has bother me for the past 10 years of marriage.

Monday night: WH called to see if I got his message. I said yes I was going to call lawyers office on Tuesday.

Tuesday: I called lawyer's office said papers not ready but WH would have to give permission to fax over the papers. I called WH to let him know. No answer on cell. He called back. I told him about lawyer office. He said he would check on it. Then he asked about where we shoot pool at tonight. I told him where then asked are you going he said he was because he was not going to work. I asked about us going together. (OW is a pool player) He said yes he would come by to pick me up.

((I know I shouldn't have asked about a ride but the place we were to shoot at was far off and I didn't want to ride by myself.))

When WH got there, I met him outside got in his truck. He gave me a bag from JCpenny's & said Happy Valentine's day. I thanked him for the gift but I got a shocker. Inside the bag was a card. He signed it "I thought my feelings had changed for you but they didn't now. I think now they are stronger than ever. I Love You."

On the way home from playing pool. I asked what did he expect me to say about the card. He said he didn't know but he meant it. I said you just told me two weeks ago that you wanted the OW. He said he did but not anymore that he wanted his family. The family he didn't give a chance to because he was talking to OW.

Okay so now I am not sure what to do. The things he said is stuff I wanted/needed to hear in Sept. when he first moved home. I know plenty of lies have been told. I am suppose to call about the papers being ready this afternoon. My mind is saying keep my guard up but my heart wants to believe what he is saying.

I don't know if OW dumped him or if he is really being honest. I do know that he will have to show me and not just talk.

Is this on the right board. I may post in recovery.
j

Stay on this board. Are you in Plan A or Plan B? Have you done a good Plan A?

He may go back and forth, but don't be discouraged. Ask for NC letter with OW.

Okay this morning my co-worker rode by where I think WH moved. Guess what was found. My WH's and OW vehicle parked. I guess he has been pulling my strings.

Now any ideas what I should do? I was thinking maybe I could get some evidence to prove the affair or just catch them but I really don't know what to do.

I am sure he will call today just to talk. Part of me thinks maybe he is seeing me and OW. Part of me thinks he just wants me to pay for divorce. Part of me thinks he is confused.
j

That doesn't surprise me. He is confused. Stay in Plan A.

r & j - believer has it right, stay in Plan A. I know it's hard, believe me I KNOW it's hard, but stay there. Your husband is in fogland, but little areas of clarity are beginning to break through. It's a long process, so take it one day at a time. He KNOWS that he has to make a choice, and you and the baby have history with him that the OW does not and cannot. She can only meet some "needs", but you and the family are the complete package.

Don't be surprised if the choice he has to make (losing the OW forever) to retain you and the marriage is tough on him, especially while the fog is still thick. But the card and picking you up indicate strongly that he is facing the hard truth. So be patient, don't give up. Many of us, including me, have been where you are.

We also know it hurts, so post here for support while you wait, especially on the days when you feel the world closing in on you.

One thing you have to make clear though, if he begins talking about wanting to come home and rebuild the marriage, you have to have the boundary of No Contact, not ever - for the rest of his life, with the OW. Marriage is NOT a threesome. He does have to choose.

God bless.

I'm new here and don't have any advice, just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this.

My husband has been reading the MB site (as I have) since October, and he was in Plan A with me up until a week ago when he caught me with OM.

Since that time I found out OM was lying about a something really important and dumped him a week ago. Natural death to that A.....big time.

But now H says he's afraid to stay with me, he doesn't trust me and he thinks because of the ending of my A (the circumstances were so weird I HAD to leave him, it wasn't because I chose my H over the OM under "normal" circumstances)....I have rented a new house which I'm supposed to move into a week from today and I've begged H to let me stay and try to work this out, but he seems to have given up on me.

He's coming home tonight from a biz trip and says we can talk this weekend....I am so nervous I could die.

Sorry to go on, I just wanted to say that I with you luck with your H, my heart is with you.

Dagnamit -

Welcome to MB. Post a new post and let us help you. I would answer on this one but it will get confusing. And I'm already confused enough - hehe.

Dag Nab It - Tell your husband that I know what he is thinking and what he is feeling. Tell him to feel free to post if he'd like some support and advice from another BS who has endured the same questions and many contacts with the OM by m wife during our recovery the past 20 months.

God bless.

I caught up with my WH and his girlfriend. The short of the story he chose her. Therefore I will be moving to the divorce board.
j

Well that was quick. I've been going through this for almost a year now, and still haven't completely decided. But I'm leaning toward divorce. Are you sure you are ready to quit?

"Are you sure you are ready to quit? "

I am not sure. I do know I am ready to quit with the man my WH has become. I am not ready to quit with the man my WH was. In the past two days my WH conversations have not mention our son but have mentioned our future of saving money to fix up an old home or to build a new home (we currently live in a two bedroom trailer).

WH has said the OW is staying at his rent trailer, she does his cooking, cleaning and laundry. He did mention that he has enjoyed talking to me in the past few days. I don't know how to take him because he will talk about our future with the family he never gave a chance but go to his new home with OW.

I know this is probably normal for a WH in fog but how do you deal with this kind of talk and no actions?

Well I'm not the one to ask. I have been going through this for almost a year. My H still has contact with OW. But I am feeling better and better about the whole thing.

Believer, thanks for your thoughts.

I wonder if it is time to move to Plan B. My WH has moved out since 2/12/04, his EA/PA started in July 03 and this is the second time he has left. I don't like where I stand at the moment. I am just waiting around to see what is next.

I would like to know what are some suggestions to work on myself. I have started going to church again. I have rearranged the living room and son's room. Also I am starting to be happy without him (I don't know if that is a good thing.) Will he ever notice that I am not bothering him or how long does it take for the WS to notice the BS is not a pest anymore? My friends are always telling me I am here if you need me, what do I need from them. I don't know what I should say or do. Is that crazy?

j

Anyway, what are some things that should be done to start a recovery? I know the first is to get rid of OW. What other things need to be done? I'll will also post this on the recovery board.
j