My H is back home after a weeks absence I asked him to leave so I could think things through...came to no resolution.

He has tried to be nice to me but although he is, I am not always receptive to it because he still feels that it is ok to talk to the 22 yr.old OW whenever he wants...claims she is just a friend.

Our latest battle was yesterday, am, when I said that I do want to work on our relationship and that I will not file for D. (I previously had said that I would rather file than continue living with him going in and out of the house and not being accountable.). He said that he does too however, he still wants me to understand that he still will talk to OW when he wants because otherwise he feels that I am trying to put a noose around his neck. He has told me that it is not a PA, but he will also not admit to a PA with her even though he took her to MIAMI...

Boy what I will believe just to keep him...

What do I do now?

H is back home.

I am not sleeping with him, he is really angry about that.

I have told him that I would like a counselor.
He says they are not worthwhile(we have been to two) He knows they will hold him accountable.

He refuses to give in to my request of NC with OW because HE SAYS THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS AND SHE REALLY DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM.

I have suggested that the three of us get together
and I can get to know her better. (I confronted her last year and she denied everything except being friends with my H.) My H said NO WAY, he thinks I am sick for even suggesting this.

He now says that he will wait for me to serve him the papers. That he doesn't care at all about my feelings.

UNFORTUNATELY, HE DOES THE BOOKS FOR THE BUISINESS THAT I OWN ALTHOUGH HE WOULD PROABABLY STOP THIS IF HE FELT SERIOUSLY THREATENED BY D.
So I see him every day whether I want to or not.

He has gotten me so nervous and frightened with his threats to leave me before that I think I shocked him when I asked him to leave for a week.

NOthing was accomplished because he came home to see the kids and would have dinner, then he'd leave and probably meet up with OW or other women who he is friends with. He claims that he has more friends who are female than male and that I should accept this because HE is a social being.

He must think I am not.

When we met, I was very independant. Now, I am a sniveling idiot and can't even figure out what to do or how to fix this.

I have always believed that I was an effective problem solver...not so now.

Have I mentioned before that he is a serial cake eater however I found out about this only recently. This is the 5th woman that I have known about.

I keep asking and asking for suggestions.

I want to contact his former OW because she is now engaged. I wonder if she can add insight into this very complex human H of mine. She may say that I am such a lay down that I was never an issue with him...

Thoughts please.

Okay, let me get this right. What Plan are you in?

I am in no plan that I know of other than the plan of total confusion.

I have as yet read any threads having to do with multiple affairs other than by an American living in Europe who actually was the WS. He confessed to his BS and she was angered perhaps by being deceived. He asked for me to have empathy for my H and try to understand where he was coming from. Hense, my attempt to contact the OW of the previous A for a littly clarity.


When I talked to S. Harley, he said that I had to make my H understand the only way to recovery was to get prof. help. I agreeed. Unfortunately, H is so AFRAID of becoming his hen-pecked father that he refuses to cut me any slack or to go for counceling again. Any attempt I make at a suggestion is, in his opinion, my attempt to control him. (H says continuously that I want him deaf, dumb and blind.) S.H. said that his is a case of believing that he ,H, is ENTITLED to his behavior. A very characteristically European trait.

I also have not read any threads that specifically deal with European men who do this continuously. H falls into this catagory.

About one month ago, I told him that I had had enough of living like this. Two weeks ago I spoke with S. Harley who encouraged me to seek help because neither of us were on the same page. He said that I was to be firm and not to back down, but I don't think S.H. knows that my H is more afraid of being controlled by me than in having a good marriage. H must be in control at all times.

How do I implement plan B if, #1, H doesn't even admit that OW is a threat(he says that I am exaggerating the sit), and #2, he will not leave the house again?

Each time I find out that H has deceived me, and I say that I can't take the lies and deception any more, I find that I can and do. It seems to me that just the fact that I I am able to find out something more about the situation than he beleives I know, makes me feel more in control of this painful experience.

Do I implement the TOUGH LOVE technique here or what? Is there anyone here who has had a WS with multiple A's? How have they been dealt with?

First we have to get you out of being a sniveling idiot. That is not going to help you at all.

Start reading about Plan A here. It is the place to begin. In this plan you show him what a good marriage he could have. Read about the lovebusters (LB's), and disrespectful judgements (DJ's), and avoid them.

You cannot change H right now, only yourself. Once you start making changes, things will get better. You will get stronger and be able to deal with his poor behavior.

There are lots of people here who have dealt with serial cheaters.

Keep reading and posting here. There will be lots of ups and downs, but you will get support and advice here.