I have many posts. I thought we were doing so well. we have six children all together one between the both of us. The pain I felt in September was the worse I ever felt in my life. All those women no condoms. But we were making a commmitment and doing so well I thought. then a month ago we were driving down the street and he tells me about this married women that has been e-mailing him. He said she read his profile. He said he wanted to show me these mails so when we got home I read them She sounded very lonely. I asked him if he wrote her back and he said no way I would never do that so we were searching through his e-mail and and I found a reply to one of her e-mails. {no I am not half dead or gay wife likes to read so keep low profile I will talk back at ya later} I was devastated I ran up stairs vomiting and crying When I came down he was angry at me believe that ME! He said to take him off the computer he was never getting back on again. I was amazed how inconsiderate he was He acted like it was no big thing and that he sorrys should be enough. I have been trying to work through all this trying so hard. On his birthday Feb 1, 2004 I made our love making romantic and spiced it up in alot of ways it was wonderful. It was great. then the next day we had to visit my son at the hospital where he stays in Cambridge a 2 hour drive. He called and said he was cleaning out the truck and he would be here soon. Well 2 hours went by and no H. When he finally got here I was infuriated. I kept my mouth shut scared to say the wrong thing. Then out of the blue while we were driving he said okay come on let me have it. Then I looked down and saw a HIGHS cup it is a convience store where the last OW use to work. A block and a half away and I should not even write other women she was only 20 years old. But just seeing those cups brought back so many memories and pain that i vented that pain. I did not say anything hurtfull towards him but boy did I want to. I know we need a MC but our insurance will not cover it. Messed up huh!! He keeps telling me that he loves me and that I am the only women that he wants. I will not even call it pain anymore I am beyond pain after the e-mail. Now he is talking about going over the road again. he is a tractor trailer driver. When he said that to me it was like taking a knife and shoving it even deeper in my back. Then I started thinking that maybe it would be best for now I could try to find out who I am I have been dealing with his pain for years upon years we have been married for 10 years by the way. He has always been like a child wanting an dwanting an d needing. And changing all the time his appearence to the type of music he listens to. Like a teenager would. He saw a C before and the doc said he had a Personallity disorder. I was thinking to myself Imagine that. But I stood by him through everything. Now I am 34 years old and don't know who I am anymore. Where is that fun loving energetic person that loved life so much. The face is there but if you were to look in my eyes all you would see is emptiness. Does any one else think that letting him go over the road would be a good idea. Or would it be the end of my M?

The only thing you can change is yourself. You cannot change him. He still does not seem to "get it". Have you done a good Plan A? If so it might be time for Plan B.