My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years and we have a 3 year old son. I have an 11 year old daughter from first marriage to an alcoholic. I found out in Oct. that H was cheating on me since July with girl at work. I tried plan A, didn't work. He lived here and saw her after work at night. Says he has love for her, and me also. We are now on Plan B. He comes to get son twice a week. Not really sure how to get through this alone or how I am supposed to feel about everything. I never, ever would have thought he would do this me. He loves his son more than anything. I thought me also. How long does Plan B have to go on before they see the light? How am I supposed to act when he comes? I am definitely a better person than the OW, better looking, thinner the whole nine yards. Any suggestions on how to act and how to be a nicer person when he comes? How do you know if you really want this type of person back or not? And why would I still love him so much after all the lies? Please help.

HopelessinNY

I am also new to this forum; I probably can't add much to help you; but since I didn't see any replys to your question; I just wanted to let you know that there are alot of people here at this forum with excellent advice; don't know what will happen with my WH; he still is at home and continues with OW; it's very difficult to be nice to him when he comes home; so at least I know how you feel about that. I will try to help you even if it is just responding with a hello; it's a shame so many people are in pain this way.

Thank you for the reply. Pain isn't even the word. I couldn't do it anymore. The pain of having him with someone else every night was killing me inside and out. Atleast now I don't know what he is doing and it feels better somehow. Not sure if I did the right thing or not. Not sure if we will ever be able to work this out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopelessinNY:
My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years and we have a 3 year old son. I have an 11 year old daughter from first marriage to an alcoholic. I found out in Oct. that H was cheating on me since July with girl at work. I tried plan A, didn't work. He lived here and saw her after work at night. Says he has love for her, and me also. We are now on Plan B. He comes to get son twice a week. Not really sure how to get through this alone or how I am supposed to feel about everything. I never, ever would have thought he would do this me. He loves his son more than anything. I thought me also. How long does Plan B have to go on before they see the light? How am I supposed to act when he comes? I am definitely a better person than the OW, better looking, thinner the whole nine yards. Any suggestions on how to act and how to be a nicer person when he comes? How do you know if you really want this type of person back or not? And why would I still love him so much after all the lies? Please help. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hello...

Do you have a copy of your Plan B letter, and can you post it here so we can get a look at it.... this might help us help you.

Pep

I couldn't get him to look at anything. I have printed out everything I can on this for him and he read it all. Said he can't work it out with me because of the strong feelings he has for her. He left with the notion that they are going to have a great life together and that I am out of the picture forever as well as my daughter and our son. I wish I could have gotten him to agree on something before he left. Now he only comes and gets the boy and leaves. Drops him off and leaves again. We really don't say anything at all to each other. It is like I don't even know who he is anymore. This is so out of character for him to do any of this. We have been working on our house since 1997 so hard and we have so much and he just packed everything up and walked away from it. He left for three weeks in Nov. then came in the middle of the night and said he wanted to work it out, but he never tried. Then he left again. Is there anything that I can do to help this situation or am I just holding on to a thread? He doesn't seem to want to come home and work things out. He seems content living in nowhere land at this time. Is it too late to do anything? I have written him tons of letters and told him how I felt and that I saw the problems that we had in our marriage. He is not a communicator, so instead he went to her. More than likely the same thing will happen with her eventually. I think he is in the lust fog stage at this time. He has to be considering what the OW looks like. (Not trying to be mean just realistic). I didn't keep any of the letters that I wrote to him wish I had. Thanks.

Did you write a Plan B letter?

Do you know what a Plan B letter is?

The WS does not "agree" to a Plan B letter.

I suspect you don't understand how MB works... how about you go to the "Just Found Out" section of the MB forums, and start a new thread asking for help from Cerri .... she's a coach for MB.

Cerri's site

Have you contacted the MB therapy people?
Pep

Plan B is no contact with your H. So you must be in Plan A still, or no plan.

You start Plan A, no LBing, no angry outbursts, no disrespectful judgments. Do Plan A for at least 3 months, then Plan B.

Your H is acting like they all do, so try not to take it personally.