As I have said in my previous posts itis Mardi Gras season here in New Orleans and my husband has been so wrapped up in being with the OW during this time that he hasnt contact the kids in over a week.

He is so adament that he loves her and that he started being friends with her and when he realized that he was falling in love with her he tried not to have those feelings for her but he just couldnt help them (yea right). She has worked with him for 2 years and supposedly he has had these feelings for her for about 6 mos. He says we married too young and he never got to live and that if it wasnt her it would have been someone else. Now I have no contact with him. He doesnt talk to his family, our kids, nothing. I ran into a co-worker at a Mardi Gras Ball last night and talked with her a little while because she is friends with the OW and she told me that she thinks they are making a mistake and she had no idea how far they were going, when I told her they were moving in together next week. My husband hasnt even told his grandparents that he lives with now that he is moving out next week.

He says that nobody cares what makes him happy and he is tired of talking to anyone about it and he is NOT going to talk about it anymore. He says he loves her and that is it. So.....again, I wonder if I am doing the right thing by even trying to Plan A him. I dont know if I should just let him live his life and go ahead and file for divorce or not.

Oh God, I would love to have the man I love back from whereever the Aliens took him!

Resaann

Stay in Plan A. Yep the aliens have abducted him. The best thing is for them to live together. That will put the fantasy to an end.

I am just very confused about Plan Aing when he wants nothing to do with me, he is now ignoring his kid and everything. I found out today from his grandmother who he is living with that he has been in the French Quarter since Sunday with FRIENDS staying at a Hotel. I have left him several text messages about the kids and he has not responded.

Oh God, I am losing love for him, I just noticed that over the last week I am really having doubts about whether I even want to work on this or not. He has been so blatantly disrespectful. He wasnt like this when he first left he was so kind and apologetic and telling me over and over again how sorry he was and he never meant to hurt me, and now he just acts like I dont exist....please someone help me that has been through this and has had success with their WH waking up and coming home. Right now I really feel like there is no chance. Most everyone that is here on the board still has their WS out there in fog land.

Having a VERY BAD DAY.....please someone with success talk to me.

Resaann, here is what I wrote to you the other day in another post, you need to belive what others on the board are telling you. I am not in recovery yet, but I seem to be having some success reconnecting with my wife. Keep on the path. If nothing else, it will make you a better person, and you will exit your marriage knowing you did everything you could have.

Back off from your Husband and work on YOU right now. Giving him space is probably a good thing right now, even though it seems like exactly the wrong thing to do.

You can't MAKE your husband come back. He is not listening to you right now. His ears are broken:) Do not pursue him, it won't help. You are talking to a rock in the fog right now. Rocks don't talk, and what they might say probably isn't very interesting

Soooo.....

Let's focus on YOU, not THEM.

Take time to take care of yourself. It really will help. If you have extra money available, be a little selfish, and go out and "responsibly" spoil yourself a bit. You deserve it. I traded my own old car for a new one. I joined a fitness club, (excercise is the best thing you can do right now). I got a pass to a tanning bed. Taught my kids to ski. Got my first massage at a spa, I am learning Yoga. I read a lot. Here is a link to a book that I am reading that has been very useful, you can print it out.

http://www.meridianmagazine.com/books/020821bondsend.html

Do things that make you feel better about yourself. Your husband is the child here. Be firm and loving with him, just like you would be with your children. Develop a strong, confident quiet attitude. You are a Plan A warrior !!! (great saying, I swiped it from someone else on the board)

Since you have kids, schedule a baby sitter sometimes and go out and have some adult fun with friends, or explore something new by yourself. Tell the kids that mom has a plan. This will comfort them a lot.

Send the sitter bill to your husband. If he won't pay the bill, then schedule time with him via e-mail for him to watch the kids so YOU can go do something FUN. If he doesn't show up then document it, and save it for court. Don't bug him or get mad at him if he doesn't show up or make time to watch the kids. No LB's.

Talk to other people. Make sure that anyone who could POSITIVELY influence your husband knows about what is happening. Don't just blab about it to everyone in town. The more light you shine on this affair the better. Telling others will empower you. You might even help your friends save their own marriages. I have had some of my friends tell me that because of what is happening to me, they are taking a hard look at their own marriages. This makes ME feel really good!!

Be patient. This will probably take months. I am three months into this now.

No, NO, NO!!! LOVE BUSTERS....I learned this the hard way, and it cost me a month of bridge building with my WS. Put a smile on your face and be the best person you can be. Do what is right no matter what. You are a wonderful person, and taking the higher moral road will help you through this. Your husband may not show it, but this is hurting him also.

Keep the faith, he will probably come back. Either way the time and commitment on your part will be a positive thing.

Treasure each day.....

BBQ,

It is nice to read this again. It gives me a lot more confidence.

BBQ

I hate to butt in but that was nice. I am in the exact same situation as L&H. Kids and all. It is nice to have some support from someone a little further ahead of the game. I feel like giving up every night when I lay in bed and think about what is going on. When I get up I sign on read posts and feel better about everything.