Ive been coming to this site for a few weeks now and it's been a lot of help. I'd like to thank you guys a lot. My story...
On Xmas day my wife of 9 years suggested we seperate. She was totally unreceptive to any suggestions of working things out. We seperated but stayed in the same house due to finances. The first weekend of our seperation she didn't come home one night and I found out she was having a PA with a friend of my best friend.
I confronted her about her drinking, depression,
and staying out all night and told her for the sake of our 6 year old son she need to break off all contact with OM and stop partying so much. To my suprise she agreed. The next week she became increasingly distant, she was angry with me for "backing her into a corner". I think she was seeing OM during the day.
I took her to see the doctor for her depression and we seemed to be making progress. (sleeping in the same bed, no "i love you's" but hugs and little kisses if I iniated them.) After we exchanged valentines she went with one of her friends who just broke up with her boyfriend for a few drinks. They "ran into" OM at the bar and ended up at his party. WW didn't come home until 4:30 am. She was crying and for the first time actually said she wanted to work things out. Things have been a lot better since then, (I found this awesome site after valentines day) with steady improvement. I got my first "I love you" with out saying it first on the phone yesterday and it made me feel so good. I'm a little down today cause she was a little distant and didn't return my "I love you" this morning but i guess beggars can't be choosers.
You guys have been a lot of help so far and if any of you have any suggestions for me I would gladly listen.

djake,
That is wonderful. It has been less than two weeks and you have taken action and she is responding. Keep up the good work and try to keep a positive attitude. Also, I would maybe back off a little with the Iloveyou's. They force her into a position and she may still be confused and resent it. Also, when she doesn't respond positively back to you, then it can be depressing so maybe tone it down a little!
God Bless!

Yea I quite saying it a couple of weeks ago and only said it this morning cause she said it yesterday. Im trying to give her space, but it's hard.

Hi djake,

Welcome to MB.

So,do you both have a PLAN? What steps are you taking to restore your marriage? Have you discussed counseling and perhaps AA for your WW? I'm glad to see she has seen a doctor for her depression.That's a step in the right direction.

At this point my suggestions would be first,get a profile,then get the books, 'Surviving an Affair' and 'His Needs, Her Needs' if you have not already and try to get into some counseling.If you want to have a better marriage,you need to have a plan,stan.Hehe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But also,be prepared to ride that rollercoaster.It would be too easy if your WW just stopped communication with OM cold turkey.She needs to have some plans in place herself to go through the withdrawal phase and she also needs a support system like IC/MC,family and friends,etc.She should consider writing that NC letter to OM too,read up on it.

Furthermore,don't get too disheartened when WW doesn't say "I love you" back.As was mentioned previously,it should be something she feels and she just got out of her A and most likely still has confusing emotions right now.

Last but not least,make sure you don't forget your precious son in all this mess.Make sure he is well cared for,loved and talk to him about his feelings.I don't know if he has any idea what is going on or to what extent but he needs your support the most.

Keep us posted on how things are progressing and good luck!

O

WW initially agreed on counseling and she has since changed her mind. She said she would consider it which I suppose means put it off untill I quit bringing it up.
I think what she is trying to do is just wait for things to get back to normal and pretend this never happened. I kind of thought I would continue to apply the principles I have learned on this site until our relationship was stronger and when I felt more secure in it than maybe I would show the site to her and let her see what she thinks.
That sounds kind of stupid I guess, but I don't want to push her. Should I show her the site sooner? If she doesn't want counseling will she be unreceptive to this site? things are getting better and I don't want any setbacks.
My son was with grandparents the week we were seperated and we started sleeping in the same bed the day before he came home. I can tell he senses the problems and it is breaking my heart. My dad left us when I was a baby and I swore I would never do that to my son. I have been concentrating on my WW so much I know I have been neglecting my son a little and that makes me feel even worse. I hope I'm not screwing all of this up.

by the way I'm 28, my wife is 28, we got married on the one year anniversery of out first date. Our son is 6.

You and your wife should get tested for STDs especially if she has had sexual encounters with other man. Meanwhile you should use condoms until the tests show it is safe.

We've had sex twice since the A and Seperation and we have used condoms.

When ever we talk about our M ww always talks of nothing but feeling trapped and maybe "real" seperation. I say that I love her and want to work to repair our family she talks of just being happy not really thinking that could be with me.
Then 2 or 3 weeks go by and her actions are totally different. We go out on dates a lot alone and with our son and have good times. We make plans for the house and summer camping trips. And then we have a nother talk like the one we had last night.

WW wanted to talk to me last night while we were having friends over and having some drinks. She wants me to stop blaming her friend and my former best friend for the affair. OM was a coworker/friend of our good freind. WW started the conversation out with this comment: "I don't think we have said this yet. I @#$ked someone else, I had an affair, it's no one elses fault but mine."

She tells me that she loves me but last night she said if it was up to her she would not be there. that just kills me to hear her say this stuff. She was drinking and I don't know if that is the alcohol or if it just gives her the courage to say what she really feels. She feels "trapped" and I assume she is still here for the sake of our son.

I hope this is just a dip in the rollercoaster of recovery but I just don't know. Please help with some advise.