I thought I would share a couple letters that I wrote to my WW.

Hope they read well, I meant every word.

Darling *********,



You wonder how I can still Love you, or why the Sun still rises in your eyes. How can I feel this way when all hope seems lost? ***, if you could only see the woman I do, you’d understand why my faith is still strong.



Your strength in carrying our financial burden has been a blessing to us all.

Your warm voice eases my fears.

The beauty you radiate makes my heart stutter every night.

Your gentle touch leaves my skin tingling for more.

Those eyes, those wondrous blue eyes, leave me breathless, and pierce my soul.

When you hug our children they feel safe, protected and warm.

You took a boy like me and made him into a good man, a man that thanks God everyday for having you in his life.

You showed me the virtue of honesty, commitment, self-sacrifice and selfless love. Without those I would be the broken soul on self-destruct you molded into what I am today.

You brought me children, all four, that make my life a wonder. Bless you for trusting and loving me enough to give those precious gifts.

You are my support, my conscience, my best friend, my respite from the worries of the world, my comfort, and wife.



Those are a few of the things I see. The woman you are is a glorious thing to be, if you could just lift the vale from your eyes, and look closer into your soul.



I’ve felt the love, the passion, that most never dream of receiving.



I’ve felt the power of a woman’s faith, love and goodness.



I’ve felt the blessings of a great wife.



And it all came from you, ******.



A good woman.





Your Loving Husband,



+++++





p.s.- I’m here when you are ready

________________________________________

Dear ******,



I can’t promise you the Sun will shine tomorrow,

Or that we will never struggle.



I can’t promise I’ll be perfect,

Or never disappoint you.



I’m flawed and weak,

Strong and secure,

Charitable, Kind,

Just like you.



I can promise you something,

Some things,

To ease your mind,

Calm your fears.

lighten your load.



I promise to

Cherish you

And Love You

Protect and defend you.

Stick be your side

And be your comfort.



I promise to

Be your strength

In times of need.

Wipe the tears

From your eyes.

Maintain a home

That is safe and warm.



I promise to

Be your best friend

Your safe place

From the world

To share your joy,

Sorrow and pain.

To be your hope

All hope is lost.



I promise to

Respect you

Honor you

Hold you

Romance you

Dream with you

And

Caress you



I promise these things because I Love You

Because I want to be your greatest source of Joy.

To meet your needs and desires,

To bathe in your warmth.



Come back my Wife,

Let me in.

Allow your husband

To fill you up with,

My overflowing source of love.



I have plenty to spare, Don’t worry,

It fills my heart each morning,

I have patience and time

Compassion and understanding



Open up and come back to me my wife



When the fog lifts and the sky seems clear.

You will know I never left





Your loving Husband



*******



Be with us darling, be with us all

_______________________________

This is why I am still trying to get my WW back, I love her deeply and forever.

BrokenHubby

<small>[ March 10, 2004, 06:19 AM: Message edited by: BrokenHubby ]</small>

Brokenhubby,

My God, where do they make Husbands like you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Do you have a brother or a clone? Please I'm very very touched by your letters and if your W was not I could imaging the thickness of that fog. Joking aside, you're a beautiful human being and it pains me more to see why this is happening to all of us here whose only fault is to love our partners unconditionally. It is so sad and yet it is amazing to see the strength that you have. If only I have yours to carry me through this plan A I probably would be singing praises right now. But we are here to learn from each other and it is so inspiring to read someone's pure love and eternal hope.
Stay in Plan A BH because I can see you making it through. If she doesn't then you know in your heart what the next move will be.
Thanks for sharing that very beautiful poem! Wish someone can write something like that for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> oh well that's life, got to appreciate what you have.
Carry on my friend,
BF

BH, Amazing I could be you and my W could be you W. The actions and behavor are almost identical. I`m almost 8 months past DDay now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For instance, WW is very enthusiastic today about re-doing the living room. I spent the day patching and sanding and she is picking up the paint right now.

It's going to take 3-4 days to finish the job because we are doing some interesting painting techniques. WW planning something that far ahead is amazing right now </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My W did the exact same thing about a month after DDay. I think this is when she decided to stay and started to rebuild her nest so to speak.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All the changes I have made in my life since D-Day, following MBers, getting myself in shape again, doing the housework, taking care of our children(always took care of the children anyway), starting my own Consulting Company (already have made some good money with it), the cooking(I've always done the cooking around here), Signed up for school to get my BS(only have AA now), and on and on....the only thing the WW has to do is come home...period.

What have I gotten for it so far?

WW says "It may be too little too late" </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did the same thing. Lost 45lbs, started lifting weights again after 20 years of not touching them. Started doing most of the domestic chores. Did more with the kids. And i got " I don`t know what i want and i don`t know when i`ll know what i want"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I asked if she would rather me not try to improve myself? I told her not to be so self-centered, that maybe I was doing this because I had a huge wake-up call not because I thought it would please her. If it did please her then fantastic if not WW needed to consider that these are the things I need to do if she leaves and I have 4 kids to care for all by myself.

I said "I'll need to take care of the housework, nobody will be here to share in those duties, I'll need to finish school to make more money because there won't be 2 incomes anymore, I need to exercise and get back into good shape because I'm 40 and if I don't do it now I;ll regret it later, I needed to quit smoking because it's slowly killing me, I needed to become more responsive to my families needs and that is why I do more with the kids, your welcome to join me and I want you to join me but right now I have to protect the kids and myself during while your in this state of mind"

Stunned silence was my answer. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did get an answer on this one. I got "I never said I wanted you to change"

You might want to tone down the love letters a little. Guilt is probably really starting to get to your W right now. The ones I wrote were about as intense. In hind sight I think all they did was generate enough guilt in my wife to make her suicidal. In my snooping I found a suicide note she had writen to me and the kids.Before I found this I didn`t think she had any remose at all. This is part of what she wrote.

Dear H, I don`t deserve to even know you. Much less to be loved by you. I can`t stand being the reason you are so sad. I really really do love you. You will always be in my heart. Don`t worry about me I will be with ( names loved ones that have died) go and be happy, we will see eachother again.

Thats when I knew I had to do a perfect plan A. And i think its has worked perfectly but i don`t know and thats what i really want is to know for sure.

But enough about me.

You should be in plan A right now. Keep it light and fun. Bring up all the good times from your past. Then go do them again. Court you wife like you just met her. Figure out what her EN`s are and meet them all. Never LB ever. Be prepared not to get anything back from you W for a while. It gets easier the longer you do it. After a while it`s effortless.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart BF.

It means alot to me to know there are others rooting for me.

I do have many brothers.....lol...no clone though.

The only answer I got about the 1st letter was "It's very beautiful, I just don't knoww how you can feel that way".

I know she felt more than tha because she showed it to her cousin. Her cousin (female) called me and told me that WW read it to her and they cried for awhile and the WW told her WW is deathly afraid of making a terrible mistake. That if she moves or leaves that 1, 2, 3, months from now she will regret it and would be too ashamed to come back.

Cousin told her " Your willing to throw THIS(relatonship) away. Most people search their entire lives for this kind of love and never get it, and you want to throw it out for someone you've known for 5 weeks?"

Oh well, thanks again for your support BF, it means alot to me.

If I could box some of what I have and send it to you I would but I guess I'll just say...

Stay Strong, your a good person

BrokenHubby

<small>[ March 10, 2004, 06:20 AM: Message edited by: BrokenHubby ]</small>

RG, I am so happy to hear there is hope.

It's good to know this is working out for someone, I will tone down the letters and take your advice.

However, these are the kinds of strong emotional letters I wrote to her when we first met. If it doesn't seem helpful I guess I shouldn't do it.

I'll try to keep things lighter.

RG, what does your home feel like now? Is the WW back to being loving and considerate? I need details, not because I am nosey but because I am curious and hopeful about what 8 months from now will look like.

BrokenHubby

BrokenHubby -

There is still lots of hope. Read Luke's thread on the divorcing forum. He started posting here in that forum because his wife left him and filed for divorce and wanted nothing to do with him. She didn't contact or talk to him, nothing.

He did the 180's and came here for support. Now they are reconciling. So you know there is lots of hope for you. Don't give up and don't despair.

BrokenHubby,
I read your posts and its encouraging to see that you are receiving a lot of responses.

I have posted several times and I am at a dead end with keeping the responses back and forth.

Therefore, I thought maybe I could share a little of my situation with you and see if I can help you and you can share your thoughs with me.
Guess that didn't make much sense.

Here I go; WH married 20 years; 2 Sons, age 14 and 15; first marriage for both of us.

OW married 19 years, 1 D 17 years old, 1 S 15 years old; second marriage for OW and her H.

OW H and I have been in contact; and he is hurt, discouraged and turning in the towel.

WH and OW began A in July 2003; they were on the class reunion planning committee; although they didn't remember eachother from high school.

OW filed for D in December 2003; WH asked for D in October 2003; I filed in December 2003.

WH will not move out of the house; in WI there is no law that you have to until the D is final. This is very difficult; because I know he is talking with OW while he is in our home.

I could go on and on....but do you have a words of wisdom for me...I read the SAA, Love Busters, and attempted Plan A (but not every successful because of the OW); now I'm working on the 180 degrees of Divorce Busting.

Thanks you letting me contact you on your thread.

PVan,

I'm no expert, especially considering it's been only almost 4 weeks since D-Day, and only 2 and a half since I read "SAA", but maybe some encouragement would help.

You just simply have to keep trying to meet whatever needs he will allow you to. Be congenial and comforting, it is tough but nothing worth having is easy.

Try some of the 180's but be kind and no LBing at all.

Most importantly, if you don't do those things you won't recover well if worse comes to worse, as long as he is living under the same roof you have to work Plan A as hard as you can.

If you are getting to the point where you feel like your love is about gone, find a way to get him out of the house and you into plan B.

Stay Strong PVan, you are wise, self sufficiant, full of life, and someone that deserves to be loved. Don't forget that. Don't let this mess eat away at your self-esteem and drag you down. Find something you like to do and do it today. Whether it is a new hairdo, massage, suntan booth, dinner out, or whatever, just do it to keep yourself sane.

Good Luck and thanks for coming into my thread.

BrokenHubby

BH, My home feels like I have been transported back in time 20 years. Back to the begining of the M. W is very loving and considerate.

We do everything together now. Go shopping, the domestic chores are done together. I`m starting to enjoy going shopping don`t ask me why i can`t explain it. Go out for a dinner or a movie about twice a week. Talk for hours on end about just about anything. An artical in news paper, a TV show, what happened at work today. We take short weekend outings on the spur of the moment to some place we think might be fun. Laughter is an everyday event. Sex is great and frequent.

I`m having a problem with repressed anger over the A coming to the surface now. I read its normal and will go away in a few months.

My experince is plan A is powerful if done right. Listening to WW and not LB is the most important part. You have to pay close attention to what your WW says to identify her most important EN. The thing you were not meeting that caused her to be unhappy in the M. She won`t have a deep talk with you about what it is. It will be like 3 or 4 words and she probably will only say it once or twice.

With my W there were two. she said "we never talk anymore" And "when was the last time we really laughed together" She only told me this after about 500 "I don`t know what i want"s.

After I started meeting those two EN`s I could see her hard heart toward me start to melt. After this i realised that all those love letters I wrote were not her EN`s they were mine. They were what i needed to hear, what i needed to say.

Listen to your WW. What has she told you?

Cheer up, you are through the worst part. You found this web site real early after DDay. You are starting to arm yourself with some very powerful knowledge, concepts, and tools that will save your M . It`s almost not fair, your WW won`t know what hit her.

RG,

Man, am I glad to hear that!

Very encouraging and uplifting to see that it can work. I've been doing the MBers thing because I had no idea what to do after I found out.

The scary thing has been...Does it really work?

I love your advice about listening because I believe I have the key now.

WW and I were talking Friday Night and I said that I felt one of the problems was me focusing on the kids and slowly using sex as affection, or in place of affection.

Which really hurt to think it because I am a very affectionate person, I love holding hands, kissing, snuggling, spooning in the morning before we get up.

Somewhere along the last year or so we or I just slowly stopped for some reason. Probably in a rut of some sort but the point is we'd have sex 4-5 times a week and nothing seemed wrong.

But it was.

The fact is that when I said that WW just shook her head and said yes.

This morning about 5:30 a.m. she was stirring so I asked if she minded if I came over and snuggled. WW said come on over and we laid like that for about an hour and a half. Then we spent the day painting our living room.

Tonight before WW fell asleep I thanked her for helping me today and that I really enjoyed working with her again. She said it was a great distraction and it was good to do it with me.

Gotta be happy for the high points or the lows get too low.

Hope tomorrow is better or at least as good.

Thanks again RG.

BrokenHubby

BH, I`m glad to hear my story helped you. It really does work. There really is a love bank. It`s already working for you.

You are only 4 weeks out from DDay and you WW is already showing signs of coming out of withdrawl. Your WW is already showing signs of warming up to you.

Was it fun painting the living room? Did she smile? Did you make her laugh?

I read alot of WS posts here. There is one common theme that runs through almost all of them. They had fun with the OP. That was the main attraction , the fun.

When you boil it all down and get to the roots of an A. It is an escape from reality. An escape from the stress and pressure and responsibility of everyday life. A fantacy escape. Or in other words it was a blast.

Now if I`m not mistaken your WW said she wanted to DATE you. What is a date? It`s time set aside where two people go have fun together. I know you only heard she wanted to move out,that was just her guilt talking. She is serious about the date part.

Time to start dating her. 50 first dates is a hilarious movie.

Thanks for the focus RG,

I'm going to see If I can get a sitter for tomorrow night and take her for some dinner and "First 50 Dates".

We could both use some laughs about now. We used to laugh all the time.

I need to listen more carefully, your insight into dating really is helpful. Sometimes you need to hear an outside opinion on things.

Thanks again...

If this is warming up, why does it feel like a glacier....lol

I'm ready for a heatwave in my house.

BrokenHubby

BH,

RG was right...Talking about having fun, my parnter told me yesterday that I am now his affair so he's having a lot of fun now with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Get it? You have to pretend that you and her are having an affair (of course if she lets you in) and just have pure unadulterated fun. i just went back to my usual loving and sweet self and forgot about the A or the OW for a day and looked what it got me. Some good ole loving! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
So be cool, act like you're on your first few dates and be happy and nice and fun! G'luck! let us know how the movie fares...if you would ever notice....lol...
BF

Hey Folks,

I took the ENQ yesterday and the WW is going to take it tonight and then we'll exchange them.

At least I hope so....

Let you all know where that leads.

BrokenHubby

I was just reading over my posts since this nightmare started and realized a couple things I'm not happy about.

The way my postings read are like I am some paragon of virtue and have been the perfect hubby all these years when in fact I haven't been close.

I've been lazy, demanding, inconsiderate, and a host of other things that haven't helped my marriage.

My WW was the one that financially supported the family while I stayed at home with the kids. That is a huge burden on her that has taken it's toll.

I hardly ever helped around the house i.e. cleaning and laundry. It's no wonder she would come home and go balistic every once in awhile. I know how hard it is now, I had no idea. It was a thoughtless and inconsiderate thing to do to the person I love.

At some point in the laast 18 months I stopped showing her how thankful I was for her sacrifices to make our family work. She is a very good woman and person, always put us first and I stopped putting her first somewhere along the way. I am so very ashamed for it, she deserves all the love, support, help, attention and, affection that I have.

Even though we agreed that one of us would stay home to keep our kids out of daycare (that would be me because she earns so much more than I can right now or then) I should have said something a long time ago about how depressing it was to be a man and not earn any money.

I thought it wouldn't matter, I had the love of a good wife, 4 wonderful kids and that should be enough for me. There are millions of people that never get those 2 simple things and I had them in abundance.

But the income thing and standing still depressed me to the point of getting 100 and some pounds overweight, lose it, gain it back, lose it, gain back more, all the while getting so depressed I started to feel like I couldn't live with myself anymore.

All the while never letting on how I was feeling because I was afraid my wife would think it was her fault. She had enough to worry about with working, taking care of domestic duties and trying to make us happy.

In the meantime she is drifting farther away from us because of my problems. Problems I should have aired out years ago were left bottled up and affected everything about our relationship. She bottled up as well and the problems compounded till the A occured.

I wish I would have known about complete honesty and a host of other things I have learned sonce D-Day. God, just to have told her what I was thinking would have made all the difference in the world.

I wish I would gone to see a counselar about my depression. Maybe if I had told my wife how I was feeling I wouldn't have needed to see one, I'll never know now but it kills me a little bit everyday to think it could have been avoided with some simple little words.

A simple discussion of how I felt and then listened to my wife about how she felt. I know I didn't have the tools to do it then, I do now but God only knows if I learned them to late.

I want to talk to my wife so badly about the things I have realized, the things I have learned about myself, the ways I want to change my life to make hers better. I just don't know if at this point she would even believe me or care to believe me.

And that hurts even more than the A. I always thought I was honest with her, and I was on daily living, everyday family stuff. On the other hand, I was completely dishonest when it came to my deep down hurt I was experiencing. She was the ONE person I should have shared this with and I couldn't because I thought it would hurt her and make me look so weak.

I know now that mental problems don't make you weak, not fixing them does.

It is amazing though that now the only thing that makes me sad now is my wifes distance and threats of divorce or leaving. This kick to the groin, unfortunately, made me do a serious soul search on myself and I really didn't like what I saw.

All I want to do now is to make her life the best it can be. I always did but got caught up in my own issues and took her for granted.

Never again. By making her life wonderful I'll make mine wonderful and she can finally have a husband she can be proud of rather than put up with. By loving each other better everyday, our kids will be the beneficiaries of a stable and loving home where anything is possible for them.


God help me, I hope it isn't too little too late. I pray she gives me a chance. I want a new relationship with her that will make us so happy we never again take each other for granted.

Thanks for reading, It feels like a 10 ton weight has been lifted off my chest. I only hope I can tell my wife this or she gives me a chance to tell her.

BrokenHubby

BH,

Sorry this is going to be short as I am at work. I think you need to send her this letter or print it out so she knows exactly how you feel. I know we all feel that there's no hope but always remember that God works in mysterious ways that we will never be able to comprehend. So send her the letter, do your best loving her and the family and let go and let GOD!
They say " If you love somebody set them free, if they come back it was really yours if it doesn't then it was never meant to be!"

My partner up to now is still in limbo undecided whether he would leave or stay because accdg to him he wants to experience again the great love he's had for me before so I told him hey you are welcome to find yourself. If in the process of finding you discover that you can't live without me then you're free to come back if my love for you is still here (which of course we know it will be there but then again I don't know..maybe God has other plans for me out there...) but if it doesn't then we are never meant to be together and life will go on.
Take care and we're praying for u,
BF

BF,

I printed out the letter but I don't know whether I can give it to her.

I don't want her to feel like I am piling on.

There are moments when I feel like I can relax and be myself and others when I am on pins and needles because I don't know what she is feeling or thinking.

I am so very afraid because I left my heart open to her again since a week after D-Day. I worry about being kicked in the groin and having my heart crushed again.

I just want to throw my arms around her and comfort her.

I'm afraid to touch her in case I am rejected.

I want to tell her how fantastic she looks, how her presence still stirs my soul.

I see her undress every night and wonder when we will ever be intimate again. When I can caress her soft skin, when I can give her the pleasure she has always given me.

I want to hold her hand and walk,

and talk.

The things I want seem so far away right now, because I can't provide what she needs without being let in the door.

God, I hope I can find the keys to the door.

Great, now I am officially as down as I can be. I'm going to work and forgetting about this for a couple hours.

Thanks for listening.

BrokenHubby

BH,
Like you I felt all the fears everytime he closes the door and won't let me in but I can't remember what I did that changed it. With me I have to release the anger and tell him how I feel otherwise I would repress my feelings and be angry later so after yelling and fighting (u guys can call it LB, in our R it's our healthy way of freeing us of our emotions)we calmed down and talked about our feelings honestly and without fear. The good thing though is that after that we would be closer again and make up and I will not hold back my sweet loving ways and he's the same way. So I believe, when we are nurturing all these fears and anger and resentment that it prevents us from expressing our love and emotions freely so be honest and open to her and let God do the work.
I said God because just this morning by partner woke up saying he had a weird dream and I asked what's it all about? He said that I was having an affair and left him for the OM and he felt the pain so bad and he woke up with such a heavy heart and he was apologizing and telling me how sorry he was that he put me through so much pain. I was in shock and still am because this is a testimony to God's mysterious wonders and miracles. He made him experience even in the dream what it's like to be betrayed and it was amazing!
So don't lose hope give it all to God the control, the fears, the resentments and be yourself...if that means opening up to her by all means be open to her, if it means hugging her, hug her just don't expect too much yet as far as the intimacy goes, I know it was my partners needs that I failed to meet last year due to health reasons so when the timing is right I seduce him and he's been pretty responsive lately especially when we're both feeling good.
Hope this helps and we'll continue to pray for you! Be your true sweet and loving self to your W.
Take care,
BF

Thanks BF, a kind word is always welcome by me. We can all use some kind words here.

I hope everything is going OK on your end. We all deserve spouses that love us the way we love them.

What is happening here? I don't know, still too cloudy in the house to see the future.

I've truly changed in so many ways these last weeks are a blur. Good changes I think but, time is the only thing that can prove it is true, and time is what I feel I don't have.

It always seemed like time was plentiful, we'll do that tomorrow, take care of that next week, go there this summer but, time is a slippery thing. Unless you grab it tight, it squirms through your fingers and betrays the best of plans, the best of intentions.

The future is always now, not tomorrow.

The past can't be changed.

I guess what I mean is live for today, be the best man I can....today, not tomorrow.

Daily living, responsibilities, running errands, work, there all excuses for living without thinking. Living without life, living with what is given rather than getting the things you want.

That is what I have learned from this, that is the new strength I have been given.

I will never be a passenger again, I'm driving this bus called life from now on.

Better Get out of the way! I don't have a whole lot of experience driving this yet!

Hope the wife wants to come along. As always, I love her dearly and hope for a return to better days, better than we ever had before.

BF, thanks again your a good person, hang in there.

And to think I love rollercoasters, I may have to rethink that one....lol

BrokenHubby

BH,

Just because life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs, failures and victories, joys and pains that we have to like it...It is a matter of riding it and being able to manage the highs and lows. This is a tough situation for all of us. I have been told by my SO that he is falling in love with me again but that was Sunday. Today could be another day. I know it sucks but they too are in the same rollercoaster, faster and bigger and dizzier (is there such a word?) than ours. So you've got to learn some emotional detachment here which is a link I've saved before that will help you be more objective about your wife...oops sorry it's in my home pc but will send it to you once i found it.
Again, hang in there and be prepared for anything from her but stick to your good plan A. Hey if it doesn't work there's still another plan so life has a lot of possibilities. NEVER say NEVER!!!
FIGHT my friend!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> C'mon no giving up!!!
BF