BF,

I'm not giving up! I do love my wife with all the passion a man can give. Thanks for the encouragement, it does help knowing someone out there understands our predicament.

I do need some advice however. I am in a bind right now and don't really know what to do.

I am doing the best plan A on earth. At least I THINK I am but I am at a crossroads right now. I know there has been NC between the wife and OM for about a month.

There are small signs that wife is starting to get better...

Kiss before work,
Kiss before bed,
Occasional hugs,
conversation (not about A or us)
friendliness,

But, I just don't know what to do now. I am continuing on my road to self-improvement and self-discovery. I just don't know if it is having any effect at all.

I guess I should be happy we are still in the same house, same bed, after her announcing she "wasn't in love with me and moving out March 1st".

I think I should keep up Plan A but, I am getting a little impatient considering I am anxious to get on with recovery. I think she has read some of the stuff I have written her and printed off this website but what to do?

I am doing the best I can to meet her needs but it is so excruciating because I can't meet the BIG 5 right now. I am doing my best with conversation, domestic support, attractive spouse but I cannot or she won't let me meet her needs in the affection or sex department.

And she is definately not meeting any of mine except for my need for an attractive spouse.

It is just getting very frustrating and if things don't turn around soon, I believe I am going to have to go to the DR.'s office and get some AD's. I want my humerous personality back, I can't seem to find it. I have always been the jokester, the happy funny guy and it has just disapeared.

What to do?

I need fun, I need funny back. I need my sense of humor to return.

Enough of that, anybody have any words of wisdom? Words of encouragement? Any Old-Timers have something that may help?

Please?

BrokenHubby

BH,

Please read Awed's response to my posting...like you i was impatient at the result.

So don't be like me...right now i'm tired so i'll catch up with you later.

Take heart and keep awed's feedback to memory.
BF

BH, How did the date go?

But, I just don't know what to do now. I am continuing on my road to self-improvement and self-discovery. I just don't know if it is having any effect at all.

self-improvment is for YOU. It was the best part of plan A for me. You have to remember your W does not believe the changes are for real. You have to keep showing her. Don`t tell her "SHOW" her. She don`t believe a word you say yet. Actions are all she hears.

I think I should keep up Plan A but, I am getting a little impatient considering I am anxious to get on with recovery. I think she has read some of the stuff I have written her and printed off this website but what to do?

I had to do 4 months of plan A for it to be effective. It takes time, it does not happen overnight.it happens in little baby steps. Two forward one back. After a while it starts to be fun. You start plan A`ing everyone you know. I started to be able to tell what people needed.how they were feeling. What words to say after paying such close attention to my W for so long. It started to scare me..lol..

I am doing the best I can to meet her needs but it is so excruciating because I can't meet the BIG 5 right now. I am doing my best with conversation, domestic support, attractive spouse but I cannot or she won't let me meet her needs in the affection or sex department.

Don`t rush it. Back off and meet the ones she wants met. Not the ones you want to meet. It will happen on her timetable not yours. Relax, enjoy this.

And she is definately not meeting any of mine except for my need for an attractive spouse.

This is hard to say but you have to understand this. She won`t meet any of your needs yet. She is not back in love with you yet. Thats why you must continue in plan A. Its only been a month since no contact.

It is just getting very frustrating and if things don't turn around soon, I believe I am going to have to go to the DR.'s office and get some AD's. I want my humerous personality back, I can't seem to find it. I have always been the jokester, the happy funny guy and it has just disapeared.

You are in control of you.It is your choice to be sad. If you want it just do it. I know that sounds harsh but that is the way it is for the BS. You can`t afford to feel sorry for your self. This is the fight of your life. It will change you in ways you can`t even percieve now.

Enough of that, anybody have any words of wisdom? Words of encouragement? Any Old-Timers have something that may help?

Yeah, get back to work, never give up.

she "wasn't in love with me and moving out March 1st".

See how it works? What have you got to be depressed about? you ARE winning. I know you don`t believe it and I didn`t either when I was where you are at now. But you are.

There were set backs and she tested me MANY times to see if the changes were real. She would walk up and out of the blue try and start a fight over something that ment nothing. I would expect you have the same thing ahead of you. Only after that did I start to feel her love me again. So be prepared.

alright RG, I deserved and needed that.

I see what your saying and I do understand. Thanks for that.

The date? didn't happen, we went out saturday to listen to some music. It sucked, the date sucked and I don't want to do it again. I tried to engage her in conversation and it worked for the first hour and then it turned into her staring off into space. So we left early and came home.

One good thing came of it though, my oldest(15) babysat the little ones and all went well. A big milestone for him.

It is what it is they say. I'll keep going but my heart is aching to burst.

Thanks again RG, it does help to hear good things

BrokenHubby

BH,

How are you doing my friend? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Ok I think this is what's missing now right? Your sense of humor? Yup it's hard when you're on the rollercoaster with someone who only wants out of it. Hey, if it makes you feel better am back to square one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but why am I not sad?

Well, for one my dear friend Awed wrote me a very long post that my head almost hurt <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (just kidding) but please please please I beg of you to read it...it's in response to my post "he's falling in love with me again" ok maybe I should link it...hang on.... he'sfallinginlovewithmeagain

In it she tells me to learn how to control me and my reactions and not to set a timetable for their recovery...in short don't expect a miracle in a month. Oh it's great reading so enjoy and learn from it!

She's simply great, worked on herself first and then her M so it flowed very well.

Hey, cmon you are doing great...there are days when you feel like you are with the Zombie right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> but a beautiful one but don't worry they'll snap out of it. Try the emotional detachment link to here it goes:
emotionaldetachment

Tomorrow is another day, remember that so down today up tomorrow just like the stock market kiddo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Smile now,
BF

btw, this is the first page where she had the long post:

awed'sresponse

take it easy and stop obsessing about her for awhile you have great kids, give them your attention first.

Thanks BF,

You really know how to pick someone up (shaking off dust)

You know, I think it was really just one of those days, bad? Oh yes, very bad.

I feel much better today thanks to you and RG. Working out didn't hurt either, worked off alot of aggression (GRRRRRR).

I actually wrote the wife a letter yesterday and I hope it wasn't a giant LB. I basically told her she was a big girl and I can't stop her from doing whatever she is going to do anyway.

It was a big relief for me to say "Read the books, we’ll talk. Give it a few weeks and see. If you’re still in the same state of mind then go. Don’t ask me how I am going to react, I don’t know. Could be by that point I won’t give a cr** and you will be free to do as you please without any interference or guilt. Could be that I am still madly in love with you and will do anything to make it right. I just don’t know."

"You are a big girl ******, I can’t stop you from doing anything. You already know what you will miss if you leave. That isn’t a big mystery, You will miss everything, the kids growing up, everyday life, a husband that cherishes you. The thing is after awhile will they miss you? Everything will be missed, you can’t be a long-distance mother any more than my Dad could or yours could."

"You say you can't see tomorrow? I can see tomorrow and far into the future if things don't turn around. If you divorce me, how comfortable are you going to be when I find and marry someone else and they are raising your kids? It will happen, I won’t spend the rest of my life alone pining for you. How will that make you feel knowing the family that should be yours is someone else’s? Just some things to think about *****, just some things that will be if you continue this way."

That was just some excerpts but I think you get the idea. I just hope it isn't the big LB. It didn't seem to be because she was much more cordial and we even snuggled this morning for a bit. Maybe she needed to hear I would let her go? That I wasn't going to hold her back?

I just don't know but it felt good to tell her to leave. Took a giant burden off of me, almost a peaceful feeling in a sick wierd way. Does that make sense?

Oh well, off to the daily grind.

thanks again

BrokenHubby

BH,

Glad to know you're feeling more at peace and honest with yourself and her.

However, after reading your letter I can't help but feel that there were indeed some LBs into IMHO especially am no expert in this matter but it came across to me as sort of threatening a bit especially when you mentioned :

==================================================
It was a big relief for me to say "Read the books, we’ll talk. Give it a few weeks and see. If you’re still in the same state of mind then go.
==================================================

To met you were setting a deadling which again is control as I've learned from Awed. If she doesn't come out in a few weeks it's like you were kicking her out, correct?

And then you laid on the big guilt trip which is of course the reality as I'm sure she knows it and so does my SO but see reading from Awed's post you can't let do the things they're not ready to do yet. They will when they get to that point and you just have to present a loving alternative to her.

Last night talked to my SO and apologized to him how badly I have beaten him up with constant teasing and ridicule of the OW when a face or buxom figure on TV would come up and she'd resemble her. We talked and for the first time I didn't LB just told him too that if ever things don't go the way I'd like them too that I will not be sorry because I've tried my best and it's really up to him to make the best choice...(hope that's me) So BH, please don't push her yet, no control, no LBs, no timelines and no guilt trips either just happy times so that she'd feel comfortable around you and not be with you because she feels guilty.

Did you get the chance to read on Awed's inspiring posts? I'm taking them to heart my friend and just last night we had great SF...so there's one reward. Ok i know the rollercoaster ride is around the corner but will cherish the ups and learn from the downs.

Take care and just enjoy the times you're spending together
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> BF

BF,

It is so hard to change long term habits but like the book said, they were only habits after you did them over and over.

Time for new habits hun! I think realizing the problem is half the battle and you already figured it out so your halfway there!

Stay strong and focused, my Mom always says "this too shall pass". Right now you and I are probably thinking more like "whatever and when"!

Things have calmed down dramatically here, what that means I have no idea. Still no "lets work on our marriage" talk. More plans for redecorating and we are doing them so I guess I should be happy there isn't any "I'm leaving" talk.

I guess sometimes no news is good news.

BF, I just want to let you know the detachment link you posted was a godsend! Between sending her my "Letting Go" letter and the detachment I have a feeling of peace coming over me more often than the frantic "Oh Crap, whats next" feeling.

Even though I am madly in love with my wife, I can see how the BS can become the WS in these situations. Especially since before this I always had other women hitting on me. It is hard because I want some affection so bad from my wife that it is getting harder to turn down the "let's go get a drink" offers.

The worst one was yesterday, nobody at work or my friends know about what is going on at home. One particularly beautiful young woman at work (she's 20 and I am 40) asked me if I wanted to meet her for drinks after work this Friday night, I told her I couldn't because I needed to be home with the family. She looked me right in the eyes and said "Why?". WOW!, that was a hard one to counter for a second. I mean evil thoughts seeped into my mind for a second and then I told her "because I love my wife and would never do anything to hurt her". She siad "if you change your mind let me know".

I know it seems stupid but it was like, is God testing me? Did I need this to make up my mind about what I really want? Anyway, I feel like this situation really cemented in my mind what I want and where I want to be.

I don't want any more tests, I am lonely beyond belief, not so weak anymore but very lonely.

Wife looked completely ravishing this morning, great outfit that just made my heart ache to look at her.

Da**, I love that woman.

BrokenHubby

Hey BF, awed and everyone.....

Well it has been 6 days since my last update here and I thought I would write a few things down, get some advice, maybe a little pep talk?

I am still doing the best Plan BrokenHubby(A) on earth. No breakthroughs yet, but then again no talk of leaving.

No talk about anything.

I am actually OK with that now.

We have talked plenty about things we are doing to our house ie. redecorating, planting and that sort of thing. I don't know if I should but I am taking that as good signs that there is a future.

I am working on me like a bandit, I have lost 11 inches off my waist, gained 5 inches in my chest and 4-5 inches on my biceps. I am within 5 pounds of my weight when I was in the Army. Although I am not really concerned about my weight, I am more interested in my musculature. All in 7 weeks....wow it is hard to believe its only been that long since I started!

I caught the wife staring at me out of the corner of my eye last night when I was getting undressed. I have purposely been staying fully clothed at all times since I started working out a week before D-Day. Changing in the bathroom when she is in our bedroom, sleeping in jammies(something I never did before) the whole works. I wanted her to see a dramatic change, but last night I was so tired I just took my clothes off and climbed in bed before I realized what I was doing(old habits).

Anyway, she was definately curious and turned her head real quick when I turned around(I have bought a whole new wardrobe over the last 2 weeks because nothing fits anymore). I know she has noticed there are NO clothes older than 2 weeks on my side of the closet. Not a word from her though.....oh well, I want her to like it but I am doing it for me.

I threw out all my old briefs and bought a couple dozen bikini undies, Hey I am feeling good and I want to look good. I know it gave her something to think about because she had suddenly went out and bought all kinds of sexy underwear when she had the A.

Wonder what she was thinking? I am not going to say anything, let her ask me.

I hope that doesn't sound bad but I shouldn't have to toot my own horn. I get plenty of remarks from everyone else so I guess that will have to do until the wife starts appreciating the things I am doing.

I guess the best way to describe the situation is hot and cold, or better yet room temp and cold...lol. I am doing my best to protect our kids, be as pleasant as humanly possible, No LBing, be her friend and not push it.

I haven't written her a letter in 6 days. I am still getting ILY's even though I told her I don't need a reply if she doesn't feel it. I am saying it because I mean it and I don't want her to feel obligated. She is still kissing and hugging goodbye and occasionally returning kisses at night when we say goodnight(whether it is a LBer or not I don't know but I have always needed a goodnight kiss, so most nights I just lean over and give her a peck on the cheek or neck).

The sex part is just KILLING me. it has been 6 weeks and I see no end in sight. That is the one thing I don't know how long I can stand. I have a very high drive and so does the wife and to top it off she is HOT, I mean red hot.

One thing I learned this week that I think is important...

I can only control me

I can only change me

I can only improve me

Everything else is out of my hands, I just have to be the best BrokenHubby I can be and let the cards fall where they may.

For anyone still reading, thanks for taking the time.

Hang in there folks, I'll try to as well.

BrokenHubby

BH, are you taking her out on dates yet? If not WHY not. Don`t let her stand you up man.
Make the date and stick to it. Just do it. Get away from the kids, and EVERYONE.

Ohh and one other thing. When you two first met. Did she have sex with you BEFORE you dated her or was it AFTER you dated her?

RG,

Thanks for asking and replying...

I have taken her out a couple times, out to dinner and some music and out to some clubs.

They went OK, but not great. It's been a couple weeks so maybe she'll be more receptive this time.

We are going out tomorrow night, gotta make new plans as our weather has turned to crap here. I was taking her to a park and have a gourmet picnic for dinner but i have to come up with a change quick.

For your second question.....

We were in love with each othr BEFORE our first date. We worked together and were ready for each other long before we went out, like 5 months of buildup. We were inseperable from the moment we walked out of work together the first time.

So maybe, technically, yes. We did have sex before we started dating....lol

We never dated at all, within days of leaving work together, we were living together, a short time later we were married, a short time later....4 kids.

I guess we did all the usual dating stuff at work.

Interesting when I think about it.

I got your point though, I was just being facetious...lol

Ther is progress however slow and small it is. She asked me what our plans are this weekend. At first I thought "Aw Sheeit, here we go again" and she says "lets go get a new bathing suit and then go to my dads to fix his computer, stop on the way home and get a movie for the kids while we go out, then Sunday morning we can all go bowling and get some lunch and then come home and work on oldest sons room"

WOW!!!

After I wiped the look of surprise off my face I said "That sounds great!" And it does...

Gotta get excited over the little stuff, it's all I have

Thanks RG

BrokenHubby

Hey folks,

Had a long talk with the wife Sunday night(april 4th), It didn't go as well as I had hoped but then again, she is still here so whatever that means.

I think a few VERY important issues accidentlly came out of her mouth. Let me bounce them off you all and see.

She thinks maybe I am just doing this (changing, tempting her back in marriage) to get revenge! That I'll "lure" her back in and then I'll kick her A$$ out! Or as soon as I get promoted(however long that will take) and we are more financially settled, then I'll kick her out!

I told her maybe she was putting HER thinking onto me. Maybe she is thinking the worst of me and in reality it is something she sees HERSELF doing if it was me that had the A?

So of course, she doesn't trust me with those kinds of thoughts spinning around in her head.

I told her if I was going to get revenge on her I would have already done it. I said kicking her out isn't revenge, sleeping with her best friend or some chicka in our bed and then turning our kids against her would be revenge. Turning all of our families against her would be revenge.

I am not a vengeful person however.

She must think I am some kind of actor to be able to pull that one off!

There were some other things but it all basically revolved around trust. The trust thing kills me because I thought I should be the one that doesn't trust her.

The other thing is I caught her by cracking her e-mail account and printing out all the e-mails. So, I think she is more upset about being caught and how she was caught which is the root of the trust thing.

She won't go to counseling, I asked NEVER? and she says she didn't say never. So who knows what that means. I told her I am going to set up an appt. and she is welcome to join me.

She is also embarressed to be around me because of the A. Call it shame whatever you want because she still doesn't understand how I can feel the way I do after what happened.

I told her I have to assume my real wife is the one I have been with all these years up until the A. I have to assume that my real wife would never do such a thing again and that deep down inside she is still the same woman. She never gave me reason to doubt her before and I have to go back to thinking that way or this will never work.

She never lied to me before and I don't want to judge her over a one month period of our time together. That isn't the REAL person I married.

She said she still thinks about leaving because she doesn't feel like she belongs here. I think the real issue is she doesn't think she deserves to be happy and is holding everything at arms length to not get hurt.

I am doing everything in my power to prepare myself for her leaving. I try to picture it in my head as me being calm and letting her go but I don't know if I will be able to.

Animosity is starting to build up and my anger is being held in check but it is like trying to hold down a hot air balloon with a thread.

There are times I just want her to go to end my suffering like yesterday but then she comes home and we made Easter candy together and I think "This is why I love her, this is my real wife sitting here making candy for the kids"

She did the "ILYBINILWY" thing on Sunday, doesn't know how she will or how I can.
There is no contact as far as I know, and I don't really suspect any.

Oh well, it really sucks and my ego/self-esteem are taking brutal kidney shots. Sunday night I absorbed so many shots I was looking for my corner to throw in the towel...lol. I did my best to listen and empathize but it was soooo hard.

I hope if she does go I can be rational and calm and forgiving. I can see myself saying F-it and hating her instead of the A if she goes. Hating her for doing this to me and the kids. Hating her for being so F-ing childish and running away from the family.

If she goes I don't know if I will be able to do this any longer or WANT her back.

And that scares me more than anything, not WANTING her back.

God the damage that has been done to our lives.

BrokenHubby

Hi my friend, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey, hey hey wuz up? Sorry for not having responded to any of your posts . Been busy here at work and at home too trying to deal with the F's moving out plans...they're just plans but hey when he does it I'm prepared as to what extent we'll see.

I'm sorry to hear of your W's mistrusting you. But don't worry all of them say the same thing. I only have a few mins. to stop by here but I found this site from one of the posts and though it's an Ad for his book the author gave so many pointers to the BSs as to what they need to say when you hear those talks from the WSs. Here it is.

Stop your divorce

check it out so you can practice and learn how to respond to them when they want war.

You're doing a good job not LBing but I don't see you doing any emotional detachment. C'mon she's been abducted by the aliens my friend so what do you expect? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously, she couldn't understand how she can still deserve your love so she's thinking deviously which is ok it will pass don't worry.

You've only been in Plan A for a month right so pat yourself in the back for a job well done. She however might take a little longer to come out of the fog and the withdrawal phase so don't rush her. Remember no control, no LBs, no timeline or deadlines. Just love her unconditionally. As for the moving out read my post my F even signed thel lease bec he thought we're gone but he's still with me as I'm doing the best plan A ever and he knew it was a mistake signing it. See it's a see-saw for them too so hang in there my friend.

Hey relax now, enjoy life, enjoy her when she's good and ignore her when she's bad ok - ED (emotional detachment, learn, practice and learn!)

keep it up and cheers!!! spring is here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Prayers and hugs!
BF

Hey BH, So she is starting to test you I see. This whole talk was a test one of many coming your way I suspect.

I think a few VERY important issues accidentlly came out of her mouth. Let me bounce them off you all and see.

I doubt anything was accidental that came out of her mouth.

She thinks maybe I am just doing this (changing, tempting her back in marriage) to get revenge! That I'll "lure" her back in and then I'll kick her A$$ out! Or as soon as I get promoted(however long that will take) and we are more financially settled, then I'll kick her out!

She IS scared to death of this. You have transformed into the perfect H. She no longer sees you as needy and undesirable. And she also knows how easy it would be for you to find someone else now. Because she just did it herself. I told you she won`t believe anything you say. All she will hear are actions, remember?

I told her maybe she was putting HER thinking onto me. Maybe she is thinking the worst of me and in reality it is something she sees HERSELF doing if it was me that had the A?

This is a LB its a DJ. Don`t try and reason with her when she says stupid crap. just agree with her. say something like " I`m sorry you feel that way, want to go bowling?"...lol...

I told her if I was going to get revenge on her I would have already done it. I said kicking her out isn't revenge, sleeping with her best friend or some chicka in our bed and then turning our kids against her would be revenge. Turning all of our families against her would be revenge.

Another LB you HAVE to stop this. You just planted three not real good seeds in her head. What ya think is spinning around in there now? She wanted to know how you would get revenge and you just told her. I do like her idea of revenge better though...lol...Ok, I admit it that thought has crossed my mind more than once..lol..

She must think I am some kind of actor to be able to pull that one off! There were some other things but it all basically revolved around trust. The trust thing kills me because I thought I should be the one that doesn't trust her. The other thing is I caught her by cracking her e-mail account and printing out all the e-mails. So, I think she is more upset about being caught and how she was caught which is the root of the trust thing.

She is still dazed and confused. She kows you will never, ever trust her again so she wants to be even. She will start saying some real crazy stuff. You are WAY early in this to be having any real R talks.

She won't go to counseling, I asked NEVER? and she says she didn't say never. So who knows what that means. I told her I am going to set up an appt. and she is welcome to join me.

It means she sees it as you trying to control her. Don`t push.


She is also embarressed to be around me because of the A. Call it shame whatever you want because she still doesn't understand how I can feel the way I do after what happened.

Yep she is. Stop and think how guilty she feels every time you are nice to her. How she now knows that just a few words could have fixed everything wrong. How she longs to have that same [censored] back she cheated on so she can feel good about it. See how plan A works now?

I am doing everything in my power to prepare myself for her leaving. I try to picture it in my head as me being calm and letting her go but I don't know if I will be able to.

If she decides to leave then she does. Nothing you can really do about it at that point. I doubt she will though.

Animosity is starting to build up and my anger is being held in check but it is like trying to hold down a hot air balloon with a thread.

Let go of it. Just go out by yourself and go ballistic. It really helps.

She did the "ILYBINILWY" thing on Sunday, doesn't know how she will or how I can.

I found renewed contact at about this time in recovery. So if you are sure there is not contact you may be surprised. I think Harley said that the "ILYBINILWY" means the WS is looking for the highest bidder.

I hope if she does go I can be rational and calm and forgiving. I can see myself saying F-it and hating her instead of the A if she goes. Hating her for doing this to me and the kids. Hating her for being so F-ing childish and running away from the family.

I tried to hate my W but i just couldn`t do it and I really wanted to I really did. Strange ain`t it?

And that scares me more than anything, not WANTING her back.

It scares me too because I know after an A its only one step away. And you know whats funny? All the WS that post on this site know that too. So I suspect all WS know that also.

Take care

Dear Broken Hubby - I thought the same thing of my husband. He was wonderful after discovering the affair and I thought any day the light bulb is going to go on over his head and he is going to realize that I am not worth it and leave. That was 6 mos ago, I still get anxiety attacks thinking about it but as time goes on I know he is totally committed and wouldn't be putting in all this effort to suddenly say it's over. Be patient with your wife, it sounds like you are doing all the right things, he made me realize what a great husband I had, I couldn't see that for some reason before my A - definetly can see now. I too have alot of guilt, things are getting better but it was very difficult to deal with. best of luck - Sandy

Sandy and RG,

Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement.

RG you are right, I have to stop making comments like the one about revenge. I know she is deep in her own mess but when she mentioned trust and revenge in that way I was like "WHAT!! ME?? Are you f-ing kidding me?"

I stopped seeking her out this week and lo' and behold, she is looking for me in the morning to say goodbye and kiss before work. Interesting....

We did have a good time last night, went to daughters concert with the family and came home, went to bed and joked around for a couple hours. We actually laughed, belly laughs, it felt like old times for a minute.

The best part is she was in a great mood this morning, very chatty and upbeat. Real interest and conversation for the first time in 6-8 weeks.

The wife and I watched a show last night called "The Swan"..I know, it is exploitation of these women but I am only interested in the surgery part. Anyway the ladies discuss why they want to do this and they go on about the things in their life, no self-esteem, ugly(they weren't), it was just SAD, made me want to cry to hear some of the things they said about themselves.

So, after the two of them get done my wife says "I know how they feel". Now, my wife is beautiful, I mean headturning beautiful but she sees an UGLY person when she looks in the mirror, always has and it hurts. I just told her that I wished she could see the woman I do when I look at her, a beautiful woman.

I knew she felt that way but for her to say it was a big step.

RG, you were right on the money with your advice and I will take it to heart.

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Dear Broken Hubby - I thought the same thing of my husband. He was wonderful after discovering the affair and I thought any day the light bulb is going to go on over his head and he is going to realize that I am not worth it and leave. That was 6 mos ago, I still get anxiety attacks thinking about it but as time goes on I know he is totally committed and wouldn't be putting in all this effort to suddenly say it's over. Be patient with your wife, it sounds like you are doing all the right things, he made me realize what a great husband I had, I couldn't see that for some reason before my A - definetly can see now. I too have alot of guilt, things are getting better but it was very difficult to deal with. best of luck - Sandy
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Sandy, you can't imagine how much it means to me that you took the time to post and give me some hope.

I am glad to know it isn't just my wife that feels this way. Do you trust that your H isn't going to do this to you now?

Sandy, I hope you don't mind but I have a couple questions for you. If you don't want to answer that is fine but, I want to let you know I respect you for doing the right thing and sticking with your husband, giving him a chance and your family a chance.

Everyone is different and we are only 7 weeks into this but when did you know you were staying? Did you ever tell your H you were leaving?

You think if there is NC and she hasn't left that chances are she isn't if I continue doing what I have been doing?

What did your husband do to turn the tide in your mind? Was it gradual or did a lightbulb go off in your head?

Thanks for answering Sandy, Just remember we all believe in you here as well. It will get better.

BrokenHubby

RG,

I just want you to know that I reread your post and it is amazing!

I can only hope to have your insight and reflection on these events myself someday.

Thanks again my friend....

BH

This should be FUN!!

Wife isn't going to Easter Dinner at my mothers house.

She has already told me she is going to play sick with the kids so she doesn't have to go.

Friggin' Wonderful!

I get to haul the kids to Moms house and pretend as if everything is peachy.

And as an added bonus, I get to perpetuate a lie to my children, How else can I handle it?

We have never missed Easter at her house (only 45 minutes away) so this should be a real joyride.

To top off the whole party, My brother announced yesterday that he and my SIL are divorcing. More cheery holiday news!

After my brother calls me ( I still haven't told my wife yet) I just break down and get in the shower and cry for an half hour. This is sure to be an Easter to remember....yipee.

What a great scene tomorrow morning will be...Hey kids look, the bunnies been by and by the way mom is sick she won't be with us today and also your cousins won't be at Grandmas today either because your Aunt and Uncle are divorcing.

Yee Haa

Love them Hallmark moments

It just seems so pointless somedays, y'know?

BH

{{{BH}}}

Is there any way you can turn this around to show love to your wife?

With all the stress going on between you both, maybe it is just too much for her to cope with a family gathering right now.

(It sounds like a bit much for you ,too. Do you have to go?)