My husband and I are trying to work out our marriage. At least I think we are. The reason I say "I think we are" is that I am but I am not sure where he is on this. He tells me he loves me and he hugs me a lot, but it all feels so phony. I know he has no contact with the OW for a month now, but that was not really his doing. He sent he an e-mail saying he was going to stay in the home and try to work out his marriage. She wrote back and told him she thought that he should and has not contacted him since. He has made a few comments to me that have me wondering where his head is at. I know he is in withdrawal so I have to realize that he can't give me much if anything at the moment. The comments he has made are 1) I still think about her a lot and I am not sure my feelings are any different than they were before, but I don't feel the same way about you anymore (he is refering to anger since we discussed this) and I think we can be stronger on the other end of this 2)I know this can never happen with another woman, I won't do this again because I won't put myself in that position again. My problem, is it better for me to let this man follow his heart or have him stay here if his heart won't be here? and then is he trying to tell me that if she contacts him and says she misses him will it all start again (he told me before no contact started that if she called he would go). I am so confused and I don't want to push him away by asking him questions he can't or won't answer. I just feel our relationship is so empty at the moment, he said he doesn't feel that way, he loves me and wants to work on us and our future. I am so confused in case you couldn't tell by reading this!!! Even sounds messed up to me!

Start read everything here, especially the "quick clicks" on the home page about how an affair should end, overcoming resentment, restoring your marriage and reconciliation.

Hang on, they say recovery is harder than going through the mess of an affair. Also try reading on the recovery board. You will get some great insight there.