Hi everyone -

I thought maybe this might be a good thread to start for those moments when it all feels like too much and you feel like giving up.

I'll start......
1. I love my WS so much, and can see that he is in turmoil. Walking away from him when he is this troubled would never make me feel better - even when it seems like the 'easiest' thing to do. The ultimate result is worth the temporary roller coaster ride.

What about he walks away from you?

Mine did walk away from us, but that doesn't stop me from wanting his return. I know he is in a deep fog of addiction, and can't really control his actions. I am willing to stick around and help him out of this fog, and eventually reconcile our marriage.

Sometimes I lose sight of this ultimate goal, so I thought starting this thread would be a good idea for those of us with this same problem. (you know, asking yourself why you wait, thinking you deserve better than this, etc.). This thread is meant to be somewhere to go when you feel like you've lost all hope. I made a list for myself, and it helps me out of my lower lows.

Have you thought of reasons you wait for your WS? Doesn't have to be profound, just something to give yourself a pick-me-up.

Yes, you are right.

I think these are the resaon I want him back:

1. We are married for 14+years, we had our vows in front of GOD(That time, I was not abeliever, he is still not, isn't that amazing?).

2. We have two children and a lovely home.

3. He is not a bad person, he is handsome and kind(except in this FOG stage).

4. I love him.

^^^Bump^^^

Hi,

You know the funny thing is.....I am in Plan B and there are actually days now where I don't want him back. I don't know if this is a normal feeling or not. I love him and I always will. But recovery with him would be so difficult and I wonder if I would ever trust him again. He lied to me for months and said he was working overtime. He has SF with both of us at the same time. I don't really know if I want my WH back or if it is a fantasy of how it used to be I want back. The truth is...it will never be the way it used to be no matter how much we want it to be. It will be different no matter what, and I think that is the point. Obviously something wasn't right in order for the A to happen in the first place. Then you have to wonder if maybe you just married the wrong person. I am reading "in the meantime" and sometimes I think I am in the meantime and not really in love, even though I thought I was for the last 10 years of my life. If it was really love for him, I don't think he could have looked at another and left his son like he did. I don't know, just jibbering here. Confusing days make me like that I guess. This situation of cheating makes me confused most days.

NY, I know what you mean. It means that we are hurt so much.

NY I am the same stage. As you know I am in Plan B now only admittely only after a few weeks but as time goes on I start to look back and see the flaws in my M (things I did not like about my WH and I wonder if he was right for me) You are right things will not be the same as we are looking at ourselves, becoming stronger women and changing things about ourselves, Our WH will in turn be different, they have been away and have new experiences as we have but it is our love which will help with the M, if and when they return.

I do believe that spirtually god has things happen for a reason and what keeps me going is that it is my WH that is in confusion and pain and needs to sort himself out and if god sees it is right for him to return, then he will, if not then I have become a better person and able to cope without WH, either way I will not lose.

You are right. I am depressed a little today. My friend saw his truck at OW house Mon. morning and she wasn't even there. She works 3rd shift so that means he is staying there when she isn't even home. He didn't see his son for 7 days but he is at her house. It just irritates me. I told her I don't want to know anymore information makes me want to puke, hurl and gag. Plan B is plan b. I don't want to know and I am going to take care of me.

NY, Please cheer up. We need to help ourself.

Why do I wait for my WH?

1. I've loved him for so long (since 1992).

2. I promised on our wedding day that I would be there for here through good times and bad (these are the bad times).

3. He has told me he doesn't love me anymore, but I really need to believe that it is because of his affair and just "fog" talk.

4. I am a child of divorce and wandering parents. I always swore that when we got married it was going to be forever.

5. My husband was the only person in the world that NEVER hurt me at all. The affair changed that one spectacular quality of his, but I am willing to forgive him for one time and one time only.

6. I am a victim of childhood (early teens) sexual abuse by my mother's husband. My husband always protected me and made me feel loved.

7. He has a wonderful family and they all love each other so much. I think that maybe he will see how our marriage can be restored and we can get on with our life.

8. He is the only man I've ever wanted to have children with or dreamed about growing old with.

9. He gives me (used to give me) wonderful SF.

10. He has a great job, great salary, great benefits and a wonderful education.

11. He would make a wonderful father.

12. He loved me even when I was heavier than I am now. :-)

13. He gave me his last name, a beautiful band of gold and hope for the future when we married.


He may be selfish, foolish and disrespectful to me and our marriage right now, but I have to keep believing that he will come around and ask me to come home.

I didn't read the other responses...that way I can go on my own!

1. I love him too much to give him up

2. We have 12 years of our lives together and 3 beutiful boys

3. For better or For worse...this is definitely the worse

4. We have so much fun together

5. We have kids, a house, cars, pets, friends, laughter, memories...all that WE built together!

6. I have followed him around the world and would still do it.

7. He is a good man

8. He is loving, successful, good hearted.

9. He is a good husband

10. he is a wonderful daddy

11. He makes me feel good

12. I love him NOW and ALWAYS!

Simple:

I promised. For better or worse, I promised. The words may not mean much to the WW, but they meant something to me.

--Ethan

<small>[ March 14, 2004, 07:50 PM: Message edited by: thefurnitureman ]</small>

When I moved from AZ to VA I was devastated. I loved him so much even though he had broken everything that we had. I still wanted him to get his life togethe and find me in VA. He decided to do that. But he didn't get on that plane last week for a visit he said he had business he had to take care of. We haven't seen each other in 5 months. After this I find myself asking why would I want someone back when they obviously don't want to be with me???

So that I can look our 2 children in the eye and tell them that I did everything in my power to save the marriage, that I was willing to forgive him and what he did against the marriage and that I didn't want a divorce. They won't be mad at me when they are older and can understand, they will be mad at him for abandoning us and leaving his family for other women.

My reasons:

1) 23 years together--over half our lives. Almost every memory in my life involves him somehow.

2) Married--for better or worse (and like all have said--this is definitely worse!)

3) Father of our two children.

4) Love traveling with him. We've seen so many cool places--want to see more.

5) Disneyworld, my favorite "happy place" in all the US, will never be the same if he's not there with me.

6) We built this house together.

7) I've never seriously dated anyone but him. Met him at 15. Love him. Always dreamed of growing old together.

8) He is so good at taking anything and fixing it. He can take a total piece of junk and ressurect it into a piece of gold, I think.

9) His great sense of humor and quick wit. And he's intelligent.

10) He knows exactly how to make me feel good (SF).

11) Although he doesn't look the same at 39 as he did at 15, I actually think in the face he's become much more handsome. I am attracted to him. Can't imagine being that attracted to anyone else.

12) Just simply don't want to let him go--ever. Can't imagine my future without him. Praying that somehow he comes out of his fog and I don't lose him.

Those are my reasons.

LL

Well I guess I should add that I just love him. We had some really great times together. We were once so amazing together. He is my son's stepdad and he misses and loves him so much. I miss his family and his 2 children. I miss the smiles and the laughs we had together. i miss our family movie nights. I miss the times we sat and cuddle on the couch and watch scary movies together. I miss our morning coffees outside in the sun. I just can't picture myself being with someone else.

BS could also be in the fog too !.

-rh-

#1. I always thought I knew what love was until I met my WH.

#2. I'd rather be alone, then with anyone else.

#3. He's my bestfriend.

#4. He accepts me for who I am.

#5. It was like magic. (Being in love with him was way easier before A)

Bump

I have been asking myself this question alot lately. I really feel that none of my EM needs are getting meet at all by anyone. I am so lonely. I want someone to share my life with. I want my H back but it just is so hard to sit around and wait on him to email, call or talk to me. I wonder why I wait and put myself through this. I know that I am not ready for anyone else in my life, I want him back without the lies.