After looking at the book again, I am not sure Plan B is the way I should go right now. Now, Yes, he has moved out. He is still working with his coworker he said he was in love with. He says she will not talk to him because I exposed the EA to her H. Before he knew I exposed, he called and asked if he could come home. I said yes. He changed his mind on the drive home, came in very angry, saying he is not coming back home because I "deliberately hurt others". That was last Saturday. Since then he has calmed down but still got apartment, bought couch, bed, pots, pans, dishes, etc for it. He went to the dr & got on some anti-d's (his dad died a few months ago). Anyway, after going thru the book again I am wondering if he is having withdrawals from OW & maybe I don't realize the extent of their relationship. He said no PA. She "inspires" him. Maybe that is why he is still so confused and unsure how he feels about me? He says he is not doing anything with anyone. He said he was willing to go or get MC again. He talked about the couch looking good in our house & he made sure it was big enough for both of us to lay on together & the bed being the same size as ours & how we needed a new one anyway. Maybe I should just REALLY Plan A-it even if he is living away from home. I think I'll have plenty of opportunity because of the kids. Plus the good thing now is that I REALLY FEEL like Plan A'ing. I know I love him, don't want divorce or sep, it's not in the best interest of the kids, etc, etc, etc. But if he refuses to NC w OW (neither will change jobs or transfer)and doesn't live at home....what do you think???

You need to do a good Plan A for at least 3 months. Have you done that?

I didn't find out about plan A in time to do it. When I did, I was disasterous at it, then he was gone. I'm trying to do it now, despite him being gone and I'm trying to get him to move back home. He's only been gone a week or two.

Plan A then for you. You can do it whenever you see him. It is difficult, but come here for support.

Even if he is still working with the OW?

Yes, you should be in Plan A for a while longer.

I am Plan A'ing it all the way and loving it. I feel good being nice to him, trying to meet his needs although I am trying to get him to fill out the questionaire again to redefine what they are since it's been a year and things have changed. I got him to go see The Passion with me. Awesome movie, I cried the entire time (almost). We were both in shell shock afterwards. He hung around most the evening. He's meeting me at church in the morning. I'm going to try to get him to go to our Young Married's Sunday school class that we've gone to for the past year. I'm feeling really good about this!

Good for you. Keep up the good work. It does feel good to be nice the them.

Oh the hi's and low's. We went to church together. SS class talked about "running away from your problems". He heard it, took notes. Why won't he make up his mind to come home???? OW is unavailable. How could I be so bad that he wants nothing to do with me and would rather live in a one bedroom apartment and VISIT his babies??? He came home w/ me, watched kids and a movie. I LB. Couldn't handle him watching my tv one minute then knowing later when it is over he will get up and go to his tvless apartment by himself. I made him take the kids so I could get some stuff done before I have them by myself for the next few days. I just couldn't help the LB! I've begged, pleaded, cried, offered to go to verbal abuse counseling, MC, offered him his own checking account that I have nothing to do with. Offered some other things I shouldn't mention but is a fantasy of his. Offered SF. What else can I do? What else does he want from me? I am getting nothing back from him and I hate it!!!!He doesn't know!!!!! It's like he doesn't have a brain or something.....