Let me start with giving you some background info. M for 8 yrs together 12 with a DS5, DD1 and 5 months pregnant with our 3rd. Found a text msg on H's phone on 2/3/04. He admitted to a EA/PA that had been going on for 15 months. OW lives out of state and works for a company that is a client of my H's employer. H came home day after D-day and said he was not leaving. H was honest and admitted to still talking to OW during the next week (thought they could still be friends). I said NC and if he couldn't give me that he needed to move out. H moved out 2/26 and resumed relationship with OW. I read SAA that next week and have been using plan A since. We see each other often because of the kids. H is really hurting over the seperation with them but not me (fog?).
My question- I have asked him to tell me when he will be seeing OW should I not? He is on a business trip right now that he said she may be on. Not really necessary she be there but she may go to see him. Her birthday is this week. It is absolutely killing me. I spent half the night thinking maybe it is not a business trip but a mini vacation for them a birthday present. I was able to stay calm when he called to say goodnight to the kids asked a few ?'s to show I care how his day was then let him go, but it took all I had not to ask. How do you do this day after day?

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is not easy to do Plan A. So come here often for support.

I did not do it at all and went right to Plan B, which was a mistake. My WH is still with OW after a year.

It does help if you can get on with your own life. I joined a womens support group, exercised, went out with friends, redecorated the house, and tried to take care of ME.

It's hard but do you think he'll tell you the truth even if you do ask? Mine wouldn't and even if he did I don't know that I would believe him. Does it really matter? You'll take him back anyway once it's over won't you? Just let him do it and get it out of his system. The book says most A die within 6 months anyway because they are based on fantasy and not real life.

Believer thanks for the reply. I am trying to do more for myself. My pregnancy limits some of the things I like to do (volleyball, biking) but I am going on an overnight shopping trip this weekend with some girlfriends. My house has never been cleaner and I'm caring more for my appearance. I had let alot of stuff slide the last 6 months knowing something was wrong but afraid to face it. My WH has even commented on the change. I said the reason was two-fold one because this affair was a real blow to my self esteem and I need to take care of myself and secondly show him I can change some of the things that he claims were issues.

Moving On thanks for the reply. I do believe he will tell me the truth on when he will see her. However, I can see him lying about it being for business or staying extra nights because it is a trip she needs to make too. My WH travels almost every week for work and I have been a basket case when I know he will see her. My fear is if I don't ask I'll worry every trip he takes OW is there. Reading what I wrote sounds so dumb "I believe he is lying here but not here. My plan is to plan A till the baby comes that gives it 5 months. After the baby comes I'm sure I will be a hormonal mess and plan B will protect me from LBing.

Thanks again for the responses. It feels good just to type out some of my feelings. I'm worried I am going to wear out my friends and they don't really have a been there point of view.

I'm also pregnant. It's difficult with the pregnancy. I'm mostly sick with normal pregnancy symptoms <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I still need a copy of the book. I tried my bookstores in town, but could not find any and someone has it from the library until April <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well asking him questions about OW?.... I think that part of Plan A is to not talk about the OW. I'm trying on this one. I just want to know, but it would only hurt me more and if it's not recommended in Plan A than I have to hold myself. I feel like his counselor though he comes to me and talks about how bad he feels and how he regrets leaving but there is no action on his part ...soooooo....Ugh! I hear you ...this is hard.

Girls,
I was 5 1/2 months pregnant when I found out about my WH A's. Luckily, at the time he was very remorseful and wanted to work on our M. But a year later (baby is 9mo old) he has fallen in love with a coworker and doesn't feel the M can be saved. Just hang in there and take care of you and your baby. My best wishes to you both!

I'm so frustrated just wanted to come here to vent. Just to remind my WH is not at home but I am in plan A. Sat WH comes to pick up the kids and is very pleasant and even affectionate to me. Sun. pleasant, Mon. didn't even call to say goodnight to the kids and tonight called but my attempts to ask about his day and such were not welcomed so I backed off. Plan A uggh. It is tuff enough riding my own roller coaster of emotions but to be jerked around by his to just feels like to much.

Maybe him and OW were fighting this weekend but have since made-up. One can only hope. I know they argued last Mon because when he called to say goodnight I could hear the depression in his voice and asked him if he was alright. He complained about work and I listened and stroked his ego. Later he said that wasn't all and alluded to the fact that him and OW fought.

We haven't had a R talk in over 2 weeks, I was waiting for him to initiate one. He has asked why I would want to be with him and I have written him a letter. In it I apologized for not having met his EN in the past, told him what I love about him and said I want him home but not until he is willing to go NC. Do I give it to him or will it do not good while he is still in fogland.

BS 34 Jenn
WH 33
M 8yr T 12
S5, D1, and 5 months pg

Continue with Plan A, and no relationship talk. Have you read the 180's?

Gonna reply to myself here LOL
I saw WH tonight. He came to spend some time with the kids. I left for a while ran some errands and sat in a parking lot and wrote in my journal. I have felt so angry today. He has wasted the last year allowing us to live a lie and now I sit wasting more time waiting for him to make a decision.

The journaling helped because I was able to come home and not commit any LB's. We talked a little before he left and he told me our communication was the easiest thing he does work and such is stressful. Once again I can only hope "such" is his R with OW. I told him I was willing to give him time, love and patience (stole that from someone here). He said he was hearing that from OW too. Hope she's not following MB I'm not sure I can outlast her.
Jenn

How come you are up so late? Are you taking good care of yourself?

Hang in there Limbo,
we'll be here for you.

It's so odd how you can put what your feeling down here, and SO many of us know EXACTLY what you're saying and feeling.

As women....we obsess...we can't help ourselves, it's inbreed into us.

It sounds like you can really make some changes by REALLY putting Plan A into affect.

I KNOW it's very difficult, you're going through all this stuff, NONE of your EN are being met, you're lonely, betrayed, angry, and you even blame yourself for so much that is not your fault.

Keep coming, keep posting...even if you reply to yourself over and over...it will help you. We'll help you. That's why we're all here.

I have nothing of great significance to say here. I just felt compelled to say to you and the other women who are pregnant that you are so couragious. I can't even imagine going through this hell pregnant and with small children. My boys are teenagers and I know I have neglected them. Luckily they're at the age that they don't care if they're around me or not.

Please just take care of yourselves. I'm thinking of you all, and in my mind smacking the daylights out of each of your Hs. Let me do it so you won't have to deplete their oh so precious little love banks! While I'm at it I will picture placing the OWs in a vat of slime where they belong. Any woman who would not only go after a married man, but one who's W is pregnant, is a slime. Gee, I'm not feeling vindictive today, am I? CV