Just wondering if anyone has contacted OW or OWH? I emailed her last weekend with copies of the emails my H was sending me professing his love and commitment and how he wasn't seeing anyone else and couldn't wait to move here. Well of course Monday when she got to work she must of read it and called him because he definatly knew I contacted her. He was pissed. So I was just wondering if they were still continuing to see each other or if it was over and she was just pissed and called him.

It's hard to say. "FOG TALK".

I contacted the OW on Dday. Not since, but she began to harass me endlessly after that, trying to get me out of the picture. That only made him see things differently. He felt differently about her. He said he saw a mean vicious side to her that she shouldn't have shown so soon.

I don't provoke her in any way.

Don't contact her anymore. You'll know in time whether or not the A is over. It seems to be dying a slow death. Support WH, stay in Plan A.

You won't know if A is over or not. But that's not the intent of Plan A. Keep being the most attractive spouse you can be. (sending those emails pissed him off... LB...don't do that...just do YOUR thing)

Hang in there. you're doing a good job.

I contacted the OW on Dday. Not since, but she began to harass me endlessly after that, trying to get me out of the picture. That only made him see things differently. He felt differently about her. He said he saw a mean vicious side to her that she shouldn't have shown so soon.
And that is exactly how it should be done.
Do not have any communications with the op.
Do not cut them down or try to get the ws to see how "evil/bad" they are.
Let the op do the work of showing how annoying they can be.
After all, the ws and bs have a history together. The ws can cut down the bs but if the op tries to put their two cents into it, they will be the bad guys.

I guess you guys a definatly right and all it does it consume me. But I can't really Plan A with him there and me here. I sent him an email to tell him that I missed him. Each night now I text message him goodnight. He isn't answering my phone calls and I would say for every 10 emails now that I send he sends one. He is also manic depressive an not on his meds right now which he may be dealing with depression.

I talked to the OW on the phone a couple of times (plus left messages for her a couple of times). She pretended not to be interested in or believe what I told her. But my husband was always majorly angry that I had talked to her. WH claims he and OW have 'broken up for good' dozens of times since July... but each time refuses to send the no contact letter. He claims it's not necessary (because 'this time they're really broken up') and says it would be embarrassing to have to send the letter. But then they get back together again in spite of his assurances that the break-up was mutual and permanent.

From what I've read about affairs (and can guess in my situation) the wayward spouse gets so irate when we contact the other person partly because it makes the other person aware that the wayward spouse is attempting to eat cake by stringing both the other person and the faithful spouse along. Another reason for their anger is that affairs are fun when they are secret but embarrassing once they've been revealed.

I also think the OW like to present themselves to the WH as innocent and ladylike. The WH lies to them (about how awful things are at home, the marriage is dead, they're 'trapped', they only talk to you about the kids, etc.) AND the OW pretends to believe the lies (because the alternative is they both admit they are adulterers). Contacting the OW makes both the OW and WH angry (IMO) because it interferes with their pretense of innocence TO EACH OTHER and forces them to see each other and what they are minus the de-sleaze-delusions.

Or in the case of an OW who really was dumb enough to believe the WH, the info you give them can cause the affair to crash and burn. So of course the WH would be angry if you ruined his fun.

I doubt the latter is often the case though. Let's face it, there's a reason that the OW rarely contact the BS, isn't there? If they REALLY wanted to know whether or not the married man they're sleeping with is really available and telling them the truth, there are simple ways to find that out - not to mention just waiting until the divorce is final.

I think it's a good idea to contact the OW BUT then back off and let the affair self-destruct. You don't want them to bond together more strongly by thinking of you as their common enemy. And depending on how delusional or dishonest they are they can always pretend your contact just means you are harrassing them or can't 'get on with your life' (even if you presented evidence that the WH wants to stay involved with you and eat cake too).

I think the info that did the most damage to the affair is telling the OW she was merely the latest in a long string of office romances and that the real reason WH had so little visitation with our daughters was because HE had refused visitation arrangements that did not include getting to see me instead of just the kids! AND that the reason he agreed to delay the divorce was my refusing to agree to see him anymore once the divorce is final! Of course she pretended not to believe me... but (of course) was not the least bit interested in my offer to send her proof (snail-mail, e-mail & taped phone messages from my husband)...LOL

But I can't really Plan A with him there and me here.
You do what you can.

I sent him an email to tell him that I missed him. Each night now I text message him goodnight. He isn't answering my phone calls and I would say for every 10 emails now that I send he sends one.
ANd make sure you don't over do it. If he is not responding but one out of ten times, then you are probably doing too much.

How are his replies? Is he angry or upset about you text messages/emails?

actually no he isn't upset at all, he has messaged me each night to tell me good night and that he is busy (he works nights bartending ughh I know) but he sends me a message back. I think also he is entering his depression stage of manic depression and when he gets like that he tends to withdrawal alot so I am keeping that in mind this time and trying not to take it personal like I did last night. Just letting him know that I am there for him.

I kicked my WH out of the house on Dday (I know..mistake)...however...I am doing well in Plan A now (after a few times of falling on my face).

For the first time last night on the phone, he admitted to missing me.

I don't call unless I have a reason. If I don't get him, I leave a voicemail. This way he doesn't think I'm puruing him.

Yet, even if I leave a voicemail, he always calls to see what I needed.... (I've left that on the voicemail...it's an excuse he needs to call me back).

Sometimes I Plan A over the top. But he enjoys it, as long as he doesn't think I'm up to something.

I even told him the shirt he left at my house the last time no longer smells of his cologne, now just smells dirty and needs to be washed, so he'll have to leave me another clean one. He thinks I'm crazy, but he laughs. I try not to cry, plead or beg, but let him know I miss him in MANY ways. This fills some EN for him that I didn't know existed until recently. He needs more vanity stroking than a woman !

I know my H needs that too and for a long time I was E gone because of the financial stress we were under and I wasn't meeting his E needs. But I will try as hard as I can from here just to let him know I am here for him.

Oh and about the shirt, I did the same thing.

I contacted OWH first then OW. She denied everything so it ends up being a he said/she said episode. You never know who is lying or who is telling the truth and basically it doesn't help the situation any. Oh, it did help by exposing the EA to OWH so he was aware and could do his part to break it up but in the end it just hurt everyone. I told them I would never contact them again and I need to keep my word to that.

problem is by the time I finally found out who it really was I was out of state and can't find him to let him know. But I think if I did contact him my H would never speak to me again. I think their contact (H and OW) isn't as frequent as it was. Maybe because I have threatned many times to expose the A. She has a small baby and I don't know if she wants to risk it and right now my H has nothihg to offer her at all. He has no stable job, lives with his parents, has issues with exwife still. Basically it is very inconvienant to say the least for the OW to leave her H right now. So that is a bonus. This last episode I am not sure why he lied and for whom but I know he did lie to me whatever the reason he didn't get on that plan but I do know that it was for the court obligations he told me.