My H admitted to EA, says he "fell in love with her" but swears it's over.

On Jan 6th is when it all spilled out, the whole "I was never in love with you" lecture.

How long does it take for fog to lift? H is still filling my head with the following:

He's been emotionally divorced from me for years (which is news to me)

He was never in love with me

Wants to live together but lead seperate lives

I can't control him nor who he talks to

He says he hasn't even liked me since before we had mutually agreed to have kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

But yet, we refinanced the house yesterday and he says we will still go on family trips, do things together with the kids, just not as a married couple.

How long does it take for this fog to lift? And does a 2x4 help speed the process along?

If you get an answer, let me know, I ask myself that every day.

Once in a while, I see it life EVER so slightly, but then before my very eyes, it falls down deep again.

If there's a MB 2X4...please find it and share it.

m01069,
At least feel good and have peace with your situation in that fact that he doesn't want to leave the family. This is your chance to really Plan A it. Some of us don't have that chance. Our WS won't come home to even give us a chance. I would rather WS be home with us even if it is just for looks and impressions that way I would have the chance that I don't have right now. Him being there and wanting to stay means he really doesn't want it to end. Just really Plan A it while you can. You can do your part to change the situation and have him fall in love with you again. Don't let him discourage you. Just go with it and do your best to win back his heart. He is saying what he is saying to you cause he's in the fog. At least he's still at home! Please hear my words!

I know I am luckier than a lot of you, I'm sorry.

It's just so frustrating!! He told MC that he sees me being so nice and doing things for him (which he brought up things I've been doing for 11 years like cooking and baking) and he says to MC "I wonder, is she doing this for herself, for me, for the kids?"

Does it really matter??

My friends keep saying to kick him out, that he's just using me as "one of his girls", keeping me on the sidelines.

I am calling the numbers on his cell bill one by one. Is this a LB? I think it surely will be when he finds out.

I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel. My husband is saying the same old speil, never loved me, was pressured into marrying me, went with the flow while we had children and is saying that he is leaving me because I am a whiny wife. I agree though with the others to do plan A while you can. It may take a while for the fog to lift but at least you will know that you tried your best.

Hi m01069

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My H admitted to EA, says he "fell in love with her" but swears it's over. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">from what he's saying to you, it doesn't sound like it is over...can you confirm?

are you guys talking about A stuff? how are your conversations going in general?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How long does it take for this fog to lift? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">how much have you read on this site?

the reason I ask is that you should already know the answer to that question...

with that in mind, I'd suggest the following: read lots. Read other people's stories...get a sense of what worked and what didn't...apply that new knowledge to your H and your M...see what you think might work for you...

essentially, you are getting a lot of crap from him which means he's either waaaaaay deep in the fog (which means the A is still ongoing) or he's still stubbornly remaining in the fog which probably means that you have a lot of work to do before he'll come out...

basics:

1. how do you know about A
2. have you exposed A
3. what problems existed in your M prior to discovery of A
4. what are his ENs and are you able to meet them now
5. what LBs are you doing
6. how do you plan to stop LBing
7. how do you plan to improve communication between you generally-speaking

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And does a 2x4 help speed the process along? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">nope...he needs to come to his own realizations...you can help him best by providing an excellent Plan A environment though...

"telling" him stuff is likely to cause deep resentment or actual departure...whacking him on the head with your pain, grief or rage is likely to do the same...

confusing him with soft words, laughter, love...now that is pretty darn likely to make him stop and take another look at you and the M!

okay? good news <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ...but you'll have to do most of the work, learn to serenely let "crap" fly on past your shoulder, watch his actions and ignore his words, and keep busy elsewhere in your life until he pulls himself out of the fog and decides he wants to "try" or isn't quite ready to leave yet, or whatever other pale excuse most WS come up with initially...they seldom drop to their knees, beg forgiveness and change overnight...

this is a long, slow process...hang in there! hope this helps...awed