I have been working here on the detachment thing. Is it possible that you could detach to much and allow the anger and hurt about the A take hold when you are feeling better and just detach to much to wear you don't even care anymore and want to run away from the situation all together?

Yes, I believe it is possible. I would recommend that you seek counseling to deal with the anger and hurt that you are facing. If your R ends and you ever get involved with someone else you don't want to take these same problems and issues into a new relationship. If your WH comes back and wants to work on it then you will already be that much better off so that you both may move on and put this behind you. Think about what your faults were in the M. It isn't all WS fault. And that is something that we have to admit. Even though we didn't commit the act of adultery we contributed to the problems that led to the adultery.

NOA,
Please trying reading this post. It will give u a better perspective on the right way to detach yet keep your love intact.

how to be a doormat in Plan A

Take care and lighten up, we BSs are forgetting to see some humor into life. Oh forget the WSs, they're the ones with problems let them find their way out, for the time being please take care of your needs and focus more on you. I am doing that right now and have stopped obsessing about WS. If obsessive thoughts start to creep up that's when I start emotionally detaching and focusing more on ways to achieve inner peace.
Before I was controlling, always checking on his whereabouts what time he's coming home etc...I've stopped that now, he calls me to tell me where he is and comes home early all because he wants to please me and not make me worried not because I asked him to or forced him to. See the difference? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> We have to act cool yet sweet.

Anyways, keep up the fight but don't forget yourself, smile more and just be happy for no reason at all. Better yet find things to be grateful about. Have a nice wknd!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
BF

I am feeling very frustrated right now. It is really hard to even carry out Plan A when he never calls, nothing. I feel why should I keep bothering him by email or anything because obviously it doesnt matter to him whether he talks to me or not. I feel why should I waste more of my time and my hurt feelings on him when he obviously doesn't seem to care what I am doing. I could be in a car wreck in the hospital and he wouldnt even know.

Ok, I called him last night after I wrote that message. He answered! We talked for about 20 minutes and he is feeling pretty down. He said he was happy for me and the house and said well atleast you are getting your life together. I told him more about the house and told him that I hoped that he would still consider coming here, no pressure and even said that for the summer while my son was here maybe he could come and see how things go. No LB's and he said he would talk about that later because he said he wasn't feeling up to it and I said sure ok. Kepts it cool and let him know I missed him and just wanted to make sure he was ok. All in all the conversation went well.

NA,
That is good. Just remember that you can't control him and what he does. He will have to come to the desicion on his own. Just try to focus on yourself. You can't make him love you again. Just do what you are doing and instead of getting depressed just try to do your own thing and not worry about what he is doing. Pretty soon, he will start to wonder, what is NA doing? I'll call her and find out. The tables will turn eventually just try to be patient.

yeah I just wonder that if I keep moving on with my own life and doing my own thing that maybe I can detach to much and not want him to come back.

NOA,

Maybe that's good, in one of the articles I read they say that people want what they can't have so when you stopped wanting him maybe he'll come around. If it's too late, then it'll be his loss and your gain is that you are on your own without a crutch.

I think that we all need to be ready here in MB to be on our own in case things don't work out. I know it will hurt and feel lonely like hell but you've salvaged a part of u.

hv a gd wknd all!
BF