I went to individual counseling last night. Really glad I went. I learned alot. Note: All principles may not apply to MB or other people & situations here. Although, I think some of it may help others too which is why I am posting it here. Add to the list if you want.

1. I learned that I CANNOT control my WH.
2. I learned that there is NOTHING that I can SAY or DO which will make him realize, change his mind or lift the "FOG".
3. I learned that I should give over my concerns and worries to GOD.
4. I learned that I am only making myself MISERABLE trying to keep track of WH - what he's doing, who he's with, where he's at.
5. I learned that I should stop all the phone calls, messages, and emails that I send. They are LB's to him. Some are nice, most are not. Plus it makes me look needy.
6. I learned that what I do is priveledged information and he doesn't need to know what I am doing with my time so quit telling him. Make him wonder what I'm doing for a change.
7. I learned that I need to just be cordial and leave when I feel like I want to yell, scream or rip his head off.
8. I learned that he needs time away from me to even get the chance to miss me, the kids, the house, etc.
9. I learned that I need to keep myself busy and happy and basically just move on with or without him. Go to church, pray, talk to friends, scrapbook, clean house, anything to keep busy and my mind off him and what he's doing.

good advice

Good advise, but easier said than done.

In my situation, my kids and I are a package, always have been. Wherever I go, they go.

If I were to leave everytime he came home H would accuse me of keeping the kids away from him. Do you understand where I am coming from?

Oh, I certainly understand where you are coming from. It is HARDER THAN HECK sending my 9 month baby girl and my 35 month old son to go stay at Daddy's apartment for the night. But legally if we were to divorce, I cannot keep him from seeing the kids. He is a wonderful father. And there's nothing I can do or say to disprove that. So I might as well get used to it. I am starting to enjoy the "me" time that I've never had. I am starting to do stuff that I want to do. I made sure I had a long list of things to do this weekend while the kids were with him. Stuff to keep me busy. Plus I know that my kids are safe and happy when they are with daddy. Almost as happy as when they are with mommy!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MO,

Thanks for this great lessons. I have in fact applied most of them courtesy of my mentor and angel Awed18 before you posted but it reaffirms my beliefs that if you followed them to the letter that you will succeed in this. I am a testimony to this because I have let go of control, timelines, deadlines, LBs what have you that are all negative and replaced them with positive things that not just focuses on my happiness but has created a ripple effect of my WH that he's admitted that we are really on the true road to recovery as we are genuinely happy now being with each other.
So MBers please follow these lessons and you might reap the rewards if not now maybe later.

Hugs,
BF

MO, Please help me with some ideas what to do with your free time? I have to much time, I hate it now. But when I am free, kids are not here. When they are back from school, I have to work.

Clean your house spick & span, read marriage saving books, get organized, go out with girlfriends, come to MB website, go to counseling, go to church - Sunday morning, evening, Wednesdays - it can't hurt, exercise, go on walks, play with dogs/animals, go browse around a bookstore, clean your garage out, have a garage sale, pay bills, pray, look up your city's free events schedule and go to some, go to the movies, rent movies, work, call a friend you haven't talked to in a long-time. Anything besides focusing on your WS. I started tanning. I made a list and keep it around and add to it when I think of something I need to do, I write it down and check it off when I've done it.

I will do those things. I spend most of my time here. I need to get some excercise.