Step right over...27 Roller Coasters....No Waiting!!

Don't forget to ride the "Scrambler" it'll make you dizzy and sick to your stomach for about 6 months. Great for WS's that can't see clearly already.

After a ride like that, why not visit the snack bar and try our "Affair" Diet Plate? It is a delicious air sandwich without bread! Great for the low-Carb dieter in your life. Toss in an empty bag of chips and a half glass of water and your ready for the rest of your fun day at "IAP".

Don't forget the Merry-go-round. It goes up and down, up and down and around and around in circles getting nowhere fast. Don't forget to buy a season pass so you can ride this one for months and months straight.

There's so much to do here, why not book your extended stay at our world famous resort, the "Heartbreak Hotel" where our motto is "You need something? Well, what about OUR needs Mr. Selfish".

_____________________

Bitter? Who me?

I am getting this little voice in the back of my head that is telling me I am being strung out until she can figure out what to do with me and our kids.

I don't know why, I can't explain it and I have no proof this is true.

I just feel like ZERO effort is being made on her part. Even though I asked her to read "SAA" and "HNHN for Parents" they are still sitting on the dresser untouched. She told me she would read them, but it has been a week and I am getting royally pissed.

All I said was that I thought with all our time, kids, and history, the least she could do was humor me and read them. They are just words and if she didn't like them when she was done, nobody was forcing her to follow ANY of the advice.

I don't know what the HE!! is going on in her head because she isn't filling me in. We talk, we are together all the time but we don't talk about anything and we aren't any closer even though we are together.

My WW confided in her cousin a few weeks ago and now cousins mother is back in town and cousin told her everything! Man the wife is going to be pissed when Aunt calls. And call she will, and ream her rearend she will. She is a very devout catholic and told cousin she is going to have a long talk about fidelity, marriage, honesty and so on.

Man I wish I could hear that call!

Who knows though, who really knows what will happen.

Bitter? You betcha'

BrokenHubby

BH,

Wow, that's some amusement park there! yeah isn't thing whole thing a big joke? You know sometimes I feel like I wanted to get out of the rollercoaster and just take a walk in the park but like what you said we BSs bought season passes and it's no return no exchange. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I feel sad seeing your story today but I've been there BH, angry, bitter, impatient and just pushing until I almost pushed WS away to the point of moving out. In our case he pretended to read them although he did first week after d-day but fog then was very thick but just kept sending him stuff (which they say is a form of LB) until he gets it which of course took almost 3 months. Point I'm trying to make again and I hope you don't get offended is that you can't force them to do anything they are not ready to even if Aunt will lecture her, this will just drive her away, no one wants to hear how stupid they have become or worthless they are. In fact some WS come to the point of being suicidal because of all the guilt and pain they've caused the family.

What she needs right now is you being there listening and loving her unconditionally without time limits and control. Please show her these, I know you are getting impatient to get her back and see some response from her but she's going through a lot of emotions right now too and it's a difficult stage of withdrawal where they just feel dead. I remembered you did good the first few weeks but now you wanted your fair share but that's not to be the case in this "IAP."

To give you some hope, my not LBing and not controlling my WS has given him a lot of positive perspective and hope in our R and he's saying that we are going to make it because he's out of the fog and he can really see the future again with me. He said that by letting him be, setting him free making him do what he wants to do when he wants to do has lifted a lot of pressure off him and he has started seeing the real love of his life again.

Ok BH got to go as I have so much housework to do thought I might check up on friends here and will pray for your strength, pls stop focusing on her she will in due time come back but let her be on her own don't lecture her just provide a loving sweet environment and don't even talk about the A or recovery, just live life with your kids and if she wants to participate fine if not be happy.

Take care now,prayers for you!
BH

BH,
Have you read my post "What I learned in counseling". I think it will help you to realize and understand that there is NOTHING you can DO or SAY that's going to turn a light bulb on in her head and have her say "oh, you're exactly right". You cannot control her. Just give it to GOD. It is our of your control. When I finally realized this, my WH started coming around. He noticed the changes in me (me leaving him alone. not calling, not emailing) and it affected him in a positive way for me. I feel exactly how you feel. I get NOTHING back from him. He doesn't even live with me anymore but he stayed with me Saturday night and HE wanted to sleep in OUR bed with ME and HE made the move to snuggle with me and hold me. I was loving it. Course, all that changed the next day when I LB'd but that's the roller coaster right? Just hang in there and don't "MOVE ON" but "GO ON" as in "go on with your life". You can make it through this. Become the person that YOU want to be. Make yourself happy. And stop worrying about her and what she is thinking or doing. If you apply these principles, YOU will be less MISERABLE. It works! Try it!

Thanks, I guess I just needed a kick in the pants.

I came down to my office late this night to cry myself to sleep and thought I'd check in to hopefully cheer up a bit.

Thanks ladies it worked, I am going up to bed and start fresh tomorrow.

Maybe call Aunt tomorrow and let her know she could make herself available to wife but not ream her a new one(as much as I would like that right now).

Good Night, Better tomorrows

BrokenHubby

hi BH- relax. do you love your WW and want to stay married? CHOOSE. everyday you have to CHOOSE again. to forgive, yourself and your WW; and GIVE GIVE GIVE. even when you know its not fair and shouldn't be this way- it IS this way right now and if you want to save it ALOT of it is up to you. You cannot teach someone who thinks there is nothing to learn. she knows the books are there and it may take MONTHS for her to even read the forward or the title. A WS is LOST. you can see that- can you imagine how it would feel to be that lost? I hope someone with immense patience and care takes the time to pick me up if I am ever as lost as my FWH. Give what you want to receive-you reap what you sow. praying for you both.

PEACE OUT...and IN !!

Desiderata

"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;

They too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

Many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the council of the years,

Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a healthy discipline,

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here,

and whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God,

Whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy."

Of course, you are all right.

I was just on a bad patch of ground you might say.

Sprezzatura, what a great poem, very inspiring. I printed it out to read over and over.

Broken Hubby, I usually post on the GQll forum, so I'm not sure how far along you are in this very fun adventure. My life was altered forever starting 1/8/04. About 6 weeks ago I posted a post similar to yours called the recovery game. Basically it's 2 steps forward, 3 steps backwards, maybe 4 forward, etc., etc., etc. The one thing I've learned is who knows what surprise is waiting around the next turn.

The few thing I know for certain is the following. In this whole ugly A I at least know I have always told the truth. The MB people on this site have been my lifeline and I'm so grateful. The bottom line is I can't control what my H chooses to do. I am trying to learn acceptance. I feel like there was something else, but I'm too tired to remember what it was. OH, I just remembered. This whole process really, really sucks!!!

Hang in there! Hopefully one day the alien W that probably has the same blank eyes my H sometimes has, will be gone. If not, then the OP and her can go live on their fantasy hellish planet somewhere. However, my hope is she and my H can be exorcised first. CV