OK I guess everyone has the basics of what I am going throug. Well this guy at work has been showing me tons of attention. We are friends, you know the work thing.

Thing is I miss my H so bad and want things to work but it is so nice to have someone to fill my E needs. Here is the kicker the guy is living with this girl and I told him hey you need to talk to your GF and do whatever it takes to make it work and he said he has (humm sounds like my H talking to his OW).

I make tons of sugggestions to make it work with his GF right from this bored and talk but it is nice to feel wanted by someone.

Has anyone felt or been faced with this. We are all hurting and lonely and want attention too and I admit it is nice but I know what is right and wrong.

NA,

Yes, I have...about 14 years ago. My WH was not a WH at the time, but was just out every night with his friends/coworkers drinking and having fun and basically avoiding the house with me and his two small children. My DD was only about 4 months old at the time. I was feeling more than a little down and tired and unloved.

Met a guy from work, not my department, but still my company, at a company seminar. We hit it off well--seated next to each other at dinner. He was D and was living with someone else at the time. One thing lead to another, and lunches, and lots of time talking about everything we shouldn't have talked about, and I ended up having a very brief P/A with him right after he left our company (and I guess you could say about a 6 month E/A before that (though I didn't know anything about E/A at the time--only knew he was giving me something badly missing in my marriage.)

BIG MISTAKE!!! I knew it was wrong and felt sick as soon as the P/A happened. Broke my H's heart when he found out about the P/A, and led to a revenge A on his part that lasted 18 months. And I missed the guy like crazy for a long time--and ended up maintaining contact and not putting my heart into things for a long time because I kept thinking "what if". And I did the same thing--kept telling him that he and his girlfriend needed to make things work, and he ended up marrying her (I think partly because I wouldn't leave my H), and they then ended up divorced and he's married to someone else now.

Don't let yourself go there! It feels good at the moment, but it's totally wrong, and isn't worth the heartache. And trust me--I NEVER dreamed I'd ever have an A. I was totally caught off guard. Just like our WS's say, "I didn't mean for it to happen--it just did."

LL

<small>[ March 30, 2004, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

NobodysAngel,

Run fast in the opposite direction. What you describe is exactly how most affairs begin.

Nobodys Angel,

Yes and everyday.

I've done everthing in my power to remain as far away as possible from the 2 ladies that won't leave me alone.

NA, you KNOW exactly how this works having been through it before and having experienced both sides of this. Don't be a victim or the perpetrator in an attack on your marriage again.

I know it isn't easy with all the crap happening in our homes, the lonliness, unfulfilled needs, careless spouse', turmoil, but hang tough, this will only make YOU feel bad. It will solve NONE of your problems, in fact, it will only make it worse.

I know it is hard to not listen to the "Taker" inside, I am struggling with it everyday.

I am a 40yo male with a couple 20 and 22 yo girls constantly(I mean at least daily) asking me to go out at work. I find their phone numbers in my jacket, address' in my jacket pocket. It has gotten to the point where I leave my jacket in the car.

Yesterday one of them put their number under my windshield wiper! They both know I am married and don't care so you know they aren't the kind of woman I want morally anyway. Since sex is my number one EN you can imagine the thoughts rolling around in my head with 2 size 3's hitting on me. Who cares if we have nothing in common, they are hitting on a married man, taker says "I want sex".

This man that you are getting close to also knows you are married. Is that really the kind of person you want to hook-up with? Do you really want to have to deal with the fallout of another A in your marriage?

Get away from this man NOW! DO NOT speak to him, look at him, or engage in any way with this person. You will be the one who pays in the end and you know the cost is to high, and you know it can and probably will sound the death knell for your marriage.

Stay Strong, Do the right thing. You are far better than this and just remember how you felt when your WS dropped the bomb, you don't want to visit this pain on someone else.

Most importantly, you have grown and are a far better person than that.

BrokenHubby

Unfortunatly we work in very close quarters but I do know he is trying to transfer. I keep talking to him about his girlfriend and that I know how she would feel and would never do that to her. We talk and he knows I want things to work out with my H. However with us in being 2 different states it is very hard for me to Plan A with him since now he doesnt' return my emails, phone calls nothing. Also he is manic depressive which throughs a whole other nut in the marriage.

Thanks for your guys advice, I do know in my head what is right and wrong and like you say I have been on the other side of the fence and know how it feels.

Hi BrokenHubby,

Here's some fun suggestion on how to get rid of the unwanted advances from those two groupies:

Put the notes they leave in your pockets up on the company bulletin board.

Read the notes aloud at the next company meeting and tell them in front of everyone that you are not interested and to please leave you alone.

(You could do that with the first suggestion too - post your 'no thank you' response along with their proposal notes on the bulletin board.

If either one of them have a boyfriend or husband, forward the notes along to them and ask them to please satisfy/control their woman better.

Take the notes to your boss and complain about sexual harrassment.

Secretly slip the notes into the pocket (or onto the windshield) of the homeliest guy at work.

Hold your fingers up in the sign of the cross and rapidly back away whenever they cross your path at work.

If they see you talk to a group of guys at the water cooler, tell a joke and look at them so they think you're telling the other guys that they're chasing you.

Better yet - actually do that! Start bragging to the other guys at work that these two women really have the hots for you and won't leave you alone. Make sure these women 'accidentally' hear you bragging sometimes.

Ask the other other woman at work for advice on how to stop unwanted advances from a woman - make sure to slip and reveal the names of the chasers.

Put mousetraps in your pockets. (For that matter a live mouse would do the trick... or spider, or snail...LOL)

Put one of those motion sensitive alarms in your pocket LOL (a really loud screaming one)

The next time they proposition you in person say LOUDLY so the whole office can hear: "NO - I've told you over and over - I do not want to have sex with you!"

I have five sisters, we're very sweet with the man we love, but we are notorious for effectively stopping unwanted suitors cold. They key is to embarrass them so thouroughly and publicly they leave you alone. We don't do this when it's an innocent situation (the guy doesn't know we have a boyfriend or husband, he's not being obnoxious, and it's the first time he asked), just for those pesky persisters.

one more (funny) thought:

Remember when you were just aboy and girls had cooties? I bet you knew lost of tricks to keep the girls away then. Think Dennis the Menace vs Margaret LOL

I've been there recently myself.

Tell him that you guys cannot say anything to each other that your husband or his girlfriend couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't hear. It is out of respect and a way to keep your friendship above board and not sexual.

If you cannot say that to him, turn around and run away as fast as you can!

Meremortal,

That was friggin hilarious!!!!

I do think I will put the notes in the pocket of the homliest guy at work for starters.

Then work my way up to putting them on the BB.

Neither have BF's so that one is out.

Quite frankly, at this point in my marriage I would like to use RookKevs humerous advice.

"This affair has been such a growing process for me...Can I return the favor?"

BrokenHubby