Background: In plan A and things appear to be getting better. WS still in contact with OW and wants to "be friends". OW wants to meet with me and discuss affair, going fwd. Any advice?

I don't think there is anything to discuss, I think it is a bad idea, there are other members here who have met and from what I can remember they didn't go well. Why does OP think you need to meet? How do you feel about meeting?

don't do it. It's always he said/she said and it will not get you anywhere. It won't help your marriage to meet with OW.

Ths sounds complicated
What is everyone thoughts about meeting
the wife of the OP that the WS is having an affair with?

OW of FWH wanted to meet with me after he broke it off with her and promised NC.

FWH was not home when I got this call, and OW asked that I PROMISE not to tell him she had called me (she had been warned about this repeatedly)

I had a choice to make...either meet OW...and possibly be devasted by what she would have told me, and getting through this nightmare is hard enough on us WS without THAT turmoil added in...

OR I could call my FWH and inform him of this.

I chose the latter. It turned out to be the saving grace of my M. I in turn called her from my FWH cell phone, and let her have it once and for all.... I stood up for myself...and let her know I was there for the long haul...nothing she could tell me.... past or present would make me leave my FWH...so it wasn't worth her time or mine.

This decision is yours...I would NOT suggest it. It just opens you up for a world more of hurting.
Protect yourself above all.

Nope.

There can be no friendship with OW in any way here IMO.Most of us here already know that there can be NC of any kind if your marriage is truly to be saved.Things might be going well for you but it is because,IMO again,that your WH is on the fence.He is basking in the attention of both you and OW.

They are both trying to play you.Don't fall for it.

O

Hi MontanaSky,

I think it's pretty suspicious that the OW wants to meet with you! My WH is a serial adulterer (7 affairs just counting the ones I found out about) and the ONLY time the OW wanted to talk to me was the OW who was my best friend (her husband was my WH's friend and a coworker of both me and my WH).

Usually the OW wants to pretend to believe WH, pretend innocence, doesn't want to hear what you could tell her, what WH is telling his wife.

If she wants to meet with you and tell you something my guess it's because she's pretty sure what she has to tell you will hurt your marriage and help the affair.

In my case, I would definitely meet with the OW. But I would take a supportive friend (and some extra hypertension and antidepressant medicine LOL). Because I know and could tell her so much that she doesn't know about my WH, that would surely pale in comparison to what she would have to tell me. (I bet OW doesn't even know I'm not the first wife and she's just OW # 7+, for example. And I could show OW proof that WH has been asking me out on dates and telling me and our daughters he never plans on marrying OW)

BUT in your case (and most cases) I would think the OW's motives are suspect. You already know your WH is having an affair. Lying is an integral part of infidelity. So she wants to reveal to you how he's been lying to you... so what? He's probably lying to both of you still, telling her he doesn't really want to work on marriage but is going through the motions or feels a duty, telling you he's really going to try? You already know he's still having contact with OW, wants to 'be friends' with her... You already know he's just trying to eat cake and you might have to go to plan B if he refuses to end contact with her. But you're still working on plan A right now - she doesn't have to understand why you would be loving to your husband right now even though she's still in the picture. I say ignore her (at least for now).

I don't remember reading anything, anywhere about whether it would be a good idea to meet OP? And again, it's REALLY unusual for OP to want to meet BS. I'm curious what Steve Harley would advise?

I don't think meeting the OW is ever a good idea. In my situation it accomplished completely nothing. She will only hear what she wants and will believe all the lies WS tells her. In most cases she only wants to make it plain to you that he is with her and you'd better back off. My OW had the nerve to say she was worried about me and she knew I hated her but she did nothing wrong. I guess sleeping with someone elses's man was OK as long as she did it. Plus if you don't know what she looks like you'll never have those images of him & her together. WS wants you to be friends, well of course he does then that way he doesn't have to feel guilty for what he did. All he has to say is, "See how everything worked out."
Maybe for him it did. He just wants to keep A going at your expense. He's too far in the fog to see her for what she is yet. My WS lied and told OW he was trying to leave me for 5 yrs.. Like it took her to do that. What a crock of s***, and she believes it. Shows you how stupid she really is. OW will never tell you the truth anyway and will always believe WS's lies. So spare yourself some unneeded pain and don't for one minute consider the idea!