Has anyone really tried to fill there partners LOVE BANK , doe's this really have action

It depends. Some WS's will let you fill their lovebank, and some are so attached to the OP that they won't let you. But it is a good thing to try.

The way I look at it is it can't hurt. In my opinion it can only make the WS feel more guilty.

I have been trying, I can't tell if it's working. But if I go by my H's words (of not wanting to work on M) than I would say no. But WS are also still human and I wonder what feelings are really going on inside their what seems "heartless" souls.

I compare it to when my WH does nice things for me, and yes, it does something to my love bank. I will bounce back from hating him, to having good feelings again.

stuned,

If SO allows you, yes it will have impact. SO might shut you down out of guilt, enjoys it (cake eaters) or even help out to come out of the fog.

If you do Plan A, most of the plan A actions are directly filling ENs of the SO.

-rh-

Stuned

Yes this really does have actions.
Are you dealing with Infidelity in your marriage?
Are you in Plan A? I'm asking because you may have a different approah that you'll need to take depending on your situation.

For me, I was dealing with Infidelity. Sometimes I applied the concepts right and sometimes I applied them wrong. So I will suggest to you first off to read and re-read the informtiaon about the Love bank and meeting needs and Plan A with great concentration. It may help you better decide your plan of action.

You titled your post LOVE BANK. So I'M not quite sure if your are dealing with Infidelity. If you are the difference in just trying to meet needs and dealing with Infidelity is that you are dealing with someone that has you and someone else in their lives. That being the case it is difficult to meet the needs of someone that has another person in their lives also.

So working with Plan A and also trying to meet needs is better served if you are dealing with Infidelity. In this case you are negotiating for your partner to end the A. In turn you realizing that A are usually symptiomatic of underlying problems in the R or M, accept your role by steping up to the plate, and addressing the fact that perhaps some needs weren't met. Maybe you aren't sure what they are but you'd like your partner to help you know what they need and to meet these needs now.

This can be tricaky because depending on where your partner is they may not be willing to give up the A. Thus, they may want to become a cakeater and have you and the OP. Or they may just be with you but not really with you and only want what they are recieiving from the OP in which case they will not allow you to meet their needs. You have to find out what is happening in the A and what your partner really wants.

Either way it is best to treat them with respect and try to keep yourself from getting too angry and out of control to deal with the sitauton.

The actions that occur is that you change whatever behaviors might have been causing you not to meet your partner's needs and add behaviors that will now meet you partner's needs. Hope this makes sense. The pages ae refer to below.

Also if your sitiuation isn't about Infidelity then you may have to take a more compensating, gentle approach to talking to your partner about
meeting needs and making love deposits. Finding out what is coming between you and what your partner really wants from you as well as how you may be able to make you R better and give more to your partner.

How to Survive infidelity

What are Plan A and Plan B?

The Most important Emotional Needs

The Love Bank

freetobe
so tell me ,Is it more men or women who fail to meet the others LOVE BANK !!!

Stuned I wouldn't have a clue.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by stuned:
<strong> freetobe
so tell me ,Is it more men or women who fail to meet the others LOVE BANK !!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you want ? Who are you (profile please) ? OP ? ...

Does it matter if it is more men or more women ? all you should care are 2 peoples ... you and your SO.

-rh-

REDHATI have come to this site in hope of Help , poss, others in a fix etc.. I want't to understand 2 sides , BUT I rearly read that from here
You all talk of books etc..
But no professional help ,,,, Are there any pro on this site or are we giving advice on are personal level , And if this is true , we all don't live in the same home , There are differant pinions to every story , as well as interpintations of the scripture we quote ,
Before you all , jump down my throat , Are we professionals ,are we hear because we did not like what are counserlers tell or propose to us . SO ARE WE LOOKING FOR SOME ONE ELSE TO HELP US

stuned,

When you ask for help, at least you put out your profile ... WHICH SIDE ARE YOU ON ? ARE YOU ON THE THIRD SIDE (OP) ?.

Where are you from ?

We are not professional, we are here to give support to each others. We give suggestions and if you need advice ... you should seeks MC/IC.

-rh-

redhat
Iam the h that others on this site have , crusified , again there are 3 sides to any story , and possible when women had a really bad marriage , or home life they carrry throgh there life ,,,, and possible pro help didn't or could not give them rest , or even tell them what they may have wan'ted to here , They try to become site connsolers , A site that is TRUELY trying to give us alll direction , My Gender is Male

YOUR REPLAY IS WELCOME

stuned,

I thought I speak broken English but I cann't understand you well, sorry I have to be honest and point this one out.

So you are a WH and OM ? this site is Marriage Builders. If you don't want to fix your M you are in the wrong URL. Save us some times and resources ... go away, come back later when you are ready.

You won't get support for your excuses.

Again, you are not even up front w/ your profile this might be my last reply to you.

I won't answer your questions about women in the forum neither I could. It is not about who they are but it is about your problem and what are you going to do about it. Up front with your story is first step. I usually don't judge but your lines of questioning gave me bad image about you. Answer this then:

How long have you been M ?
Any kids ?
ages of all (you, w, kids, OW)
how many A's do you have and when in reference to your M ?
Is A still going on ?
Is OW married ?, has kids ?
What do you want for yourself ? (A,OW,BW,confirmation about your actions ?)
Where are you from ?

-rh-

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Hi Stuned.

I am glad you replied because I didn't have a clue where you were coming from in asking your question. To be honest, I'm still not sure where you are coming from.

You mentioned a good question. Are we professionals on this site? We are all posters that give our opinion. That I am aware we aren't professionals. I am not.

This site is set up to try to help people that are in need and looking for answers and support.
Most of our information comes from the books we've read. The site itself. And counseling or personal experience. Some are more experienced that others.

This would definitely be the case for Redhat. I don't have to toot his horn, but I can tell you when I first came to this site I was in turmoil and he helped me get from point A to B and then others have stepped in to come to my aid. And many of the posters do this for each other.

If I came off as a dime store psychologist or a highly opinionated poster to you, I apologize. But my hope is that I can share something with you that can help you based on my own personal experience. I do not profess to be a site counselor.

With that said, if you would prefer that I not post to you. Please indicate that and I will not anymore.

I can tell you though from reading through your post that you seem upset. Unless I am wrong it looks as if you are looking in the wrong direction. Anyway that is just my opinion. Nothing more and nothng less.

If you would like professional counseling the Dr. Harley (site director and relationship professional) may be available and the link is below. Have a good one.


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html

sorry iam comming out as being hard , also broken english , May i right to the both of you , I really need advace , Please except appolgy

Iam a hurt guy, 38 after 14 years marrriage we are now in 2 diffferant houses , also 3 kids 4,10, 13

Hi stuned

Yes you may write to me whenever you like. Oh your broken English isn't so bad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

I am sorry to hear that you and your loved one are in two seperate homes. I know it has to be difficult. But remember that this too shall pass, so hold on.

If I can help in anyway I am open to. Please post any questions or concerns. This is the outlet for it. Rant even if you have to, because again this is the place for it.

But remember most posters want to help but we aren't professional. Also this is a public site so you may have people that post that may not help you or may not say what you would like to hear.

Try to take it all in stride and learn from that which applies to you. I'm definitely not telling you what to do but just giving a few suggestions about using the site. I wish you the best.

stuned,

We could help you here to listen to your vent and problem and offer our suggestion base on our experience. You could take it or leave it and if you need advice, please call MB and get conseling.

If you see my profile on the bottom of my reply you will see that we have a lot in common. My M was ended but I keep my sanity and excited with possibilities of my own life. You might not feel that way at all right now but you need to air it out your anger, frustration & start looking and building your life in a positive way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Iam a hurt guy, 38 after 14 years marrriage we are now in 2 diffferant houses , also 3 kids 4,10, 13 </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you still M ? or Dv ?. How the A starts ?What is the child custody situation ?. Is OM living with her ?. How are your kids handling it ?. Are you taking medications ?. Do you live in US ?

-rh-