I have given WH the PBL originally written out seven weeks ago and varified by mortarman. Today was the funeral of my FIL and WH came to pick me up to go and I gave him the letter then. I decided to did it this way because I would not have done it otherwise. I felt that once the funeral was over I would be able to go dark then. WH read it before we left and said in a nice way that it was nothing he didnt know. He kept the letter. All through the service WH held my hand and obviously needed my support. At one point he said are you alright Mrs Hull and I said yes Mr Hull, this was one of our pet names, using our married names. WH could not take OW to the funeral, MIL would have gone mad, so she was left out. WH then came to see me to drop off some things that MIL wanted me to have. We got round to my feelings again and I said to him do you know how your mum is feeling, that is how I am feeling but you are still here to which he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said I know how you are feeling. I then said this was not the time to hear about this cr*p and he said it was not cr*p and then said it was nice to know someone loved him. I said of course I do but you dont know how much. He thanked me for being there for him today. In some ways I am glad we had this conversation because it seems like closure and I can go into Plan B knowing I have done everything I can and said evrything I can to enable WH to be able to come home. Obviously he doesnt know about recovery but if it comes to that maybe just maybe i will still be there for him.
<small>[ April 20, 2004, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: feelingit ]</small>
