I wore my wedding ring up until Jan 1st 2004 (WH moved out Jan 2003 - can confirm affair goes back as far as Oct 2003 but suspect it started before he moved out).

But after taking my ring off in Jan 2003, sometimes I put it back on for a while.

The past few days, I've been REALLY undecided:
changing my mind literally dozens of times per day about how I feel about it.

I would like feedback from others about what they are doing regarding this.

Is there anything in the reading material here at Marriage Builders dealing with this decision?

Have any of you that counsel with the Harley's asked about it?

Are there any old posts you can direct me to that discussed this?

Thanx

<small>[ April 20, 2004, 07:45 PM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

M, sorry I can't answer your question. I don't have a ring to start with.

I don't wear mine anymore. After 1st dday I would wear it off and on but then I started wearing it again and I wore it until he quit wearing his when he moved out. I figure if he's running around like he's unmarried then so will I. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Obviously it never meant anything to him. I'm sure he had PA with others while wearing it. I posted this same question a couple of months ago. I don't know where old posts go though.

I did a search and was able to find this:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=30;t=002302#000000

It's fairly recent but came and went without me seeing it I guess.

My daughters and I are going somewhere and I can't decide whether or not to wear my wedding ring. I'm leaning towards wearing it (today anyway). But I'm pretty sure that will mean I will change my mind throughout the day and be taking it off and putting it back on again LOL

I'm afraid of losing it and feel it is safer stored at home.

But when I'm not wearing it I have weird anxiety thoughts like I will get killed in a car accident and not be wearing it. Even though I keep it right on my bedside table I'm afraid if the house catches on fire I will forget to grab it before running out.

I feel silly but for some reason this has been on my mind a LOT lately and I really can't decide what to do.

<small>[ April 21, 2004, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

I wear a cross around my neck, and keep my wedding ring on that. Keeps the symbolic part of my M close to God, and close to my heart. I know, it's sappy, but it makes me feel better....

Ethan

Wore mine until the day after the divorce because I was still married until then.
Helps to teach the kids that even if a marriage is not good, you are still married.

Well in my case, I kept on wearing my ring for the first 4 months of hell and through the first one thousand or so lies of WW. Because I was really fighting for Us then. WW eventually wore me down with all the continued lies and deception. Lost faith and hope and just took it off one day. Have not put it back on since (except for one interview) in about a year. As of now have no plan to ever where it again. (But never say never).

Basically feel like the M I thought I had either never was or at best is long, long gone. Therefore, I have no desire to pay tribute to something that was apparently so bad & so awful for her that it lead to this. However, if the M does remain in long term recovery, perhaps I will buy a new symbol of our new commitment with a new band. Time will tell. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Its funny that these symbols never meant that much to my WW. She could have sex with this man, (and please excuse this graphic statement) and basically jerk him off with the symbol of our M right on her hand. That hurts. She even lied and said that she always took her rings off before they had sex. (Pleeeese, even if that were true, does that somehow make it allright?) So post D-day I took her wedding band, ring, and a pair of ear rings I gave to her for a anniversary (unknowningly during her A) and kept them from her for a month or so. Just so she would have to walk around at work and such without them. Then I got soft and gave them back. (They are her's after all).

As a result, She NOW wants to have and show off everything about our M. She says they all mean sooo much to her. Any symbol large or small. I sometimes think "What the hecks that all about anyway?" It meant nothing when it counted and now that its all screwd up, it means the world. Is this sincere or just some type of outward total over compensation ? I just can't figure these WS's out. Mine or yours.
Sometimes it seems like I really have some of the answers and other times its as if I don't have a clue. Must be rubbing off from my wife.

I struggle with this same question.

I took my ring off the day I found out that H was with OW again (first A 4 years ago). I was hurt and angry and at that moment wanted nothing to do with H. I locked the ring away in a lock box and have yet to get it out(11/03).

Since then I have really wondered if I made the right decision. I guess part of me says that when H is committed to our M again, I will wear it. Yet, I am still very committed to my M and I am well aware of the importance of wearing the ring. Some days I feel I should be wearing it to let H know I am still committed to us. Other days I feel like he broke that committment and I should wait until he is working on restoring our M.

I am rambling because I still haven't decided what is best.

Kris

I took mine off for a period of months right after DDay, wore it during most of our separation. 8/02-4/03.

My H pawned his while he lived w/ OW, nice huh?

I then stopped wearing the band for a couple of months at the beginning of this year. Three weeks ago I took off all rings. His is gone & mine will never have the same meaning to me, actually it hurts to look at it. I am getting used to having it off. May be a sign of things to come....

WH started his PA 2.5 years ago. I've had 3 D-Days, the most recent in March. A few weeks later I took off my wedding and engagement ring, placed them back in their box and gave them back to him with a letter that let him know that I'm giving them back with the hope that one day he will put them back on when he has ended his A and ready to be committed to me only. I know I'm still married, but saw the ring as a symbol of the promise he made to me on our wedding day.

But I actually have another plain gold band as well as an "anniversary" ring -- one was first anniversary present, second was just Christmas present just before A was discovered. So, I wear those on my right hand and have from time to time switched them to the left if I was in an environment where I felt the need to "show" I'm married.

I still wear my wedding ring but have taken off my engagement ring and diamond eternity band my WH had made for me for our 10th anniversary.I hid them at first because I was afraid,for some reason,that my WH might try to take them.If I do get D'd, I want to give my diamonds to my children some day.

I will continue to wear my wedding band since I am still married and I want everyone to know,including my children,that until I am divorced,it means something to me and I feel weird without it.I haven't broken any vows.WH has taken his off before when with the homewrecker but when I see him now he has it on.If anyone should remove their ring it should be the WS's.They should only get it returned when they have ended their A and seriously made an attempt to repair the marriage.

O

I took mine off after about a month of Lies. H had said would do anything to save M. Then talked to OW the next day! Then again I thought we were working on the marriage and LIES, LIES,LIES. I couldnt' take it any more so I took it off. He will not take his off. Things really went down hill after I took it off, so after a week I decided I was still married so I should not take off the rings. Vows before God were not yet broken. I have been wearing them again for about a week.

Well, I can't seem to make up my mind LOL

I wear it for a few days, then take it off for a few days...

But it is better than when I posted this question. Then I was thinking about it a LOT and changing my mind several times per day.

Now I really don't think about it much and just leave it on (or off) mostly out of default because I'm not obsessed with it anymore (for now).

I will wear it to ballroom dance from now on though - to ward off that guy that invited himself to sit at our table and asked if I was a single mom...

Also sometimes I wear another ring instead of my wedding ring.

I feel as if whatever I do, my friends will notice and may either question it or assume something. When they ask I just remind them that until the divorce is final I won't date and will be willing to reconcile (IF WH starts getting busy on an expanding list of things I will need to see happen in order to trust him again... List is getting longer as Plan B increases my confidence and self-esteem. Meanwhile he hasn't even begun to get busy...)