I had a fantastic day and since I have whined so much lately, I thought I would share it with you. <P>I got up early and went to church. I was sitting in church thinking about what someone posted yesterday- why do we let this ONE person rule our lives in a negative way???? So, I told myself I was gonna follow my own advice to Sheryl..to stop "expecting" and to stop "anticipating".<P>After church I went to tan and came home and did all this:<P>* Installed new low voltage lights in front of my house. Buried the cables, did the wiring - did it all!! (First time for me!!)<P>* Dug up the old light system and shut the electricity off and used wire cutters to clip where the wire went into a pipe into the basement. (Hey, this doesn't sound like much, but I am scared of electricity...so another first here).<P>* Got the blower going (THAT was a task!)and blew off my driveway, front walk and porch and deck. This took over 4 hours - it was that bad! I had to go to the hardware store to get 2-cycle engine oil and mix with gasoline and I did it! (Another first)<P>* Washed my Jeep Wrangler and vacuumed the inside and shampooed the carpet, too!<P>* Washed the front porch down.<P>* Did some laundry<P>* Cleaned the den - even did the dreaded task - DUSTED! Vacuumed 3 rooms.<P>* Cleaned my kitchen - took over 2 hrs. it was that bad. Cleaned out refrig and microwave, too. Cooked a chicken noodle and cheese casserole AND a pot of chicken vegetable soup.<P>* Swept and mopped, too. <P>I did all that today. I feel like my normal energetic whirlwind self. I hope this lasts. I am dog tired and happy as a clam.<P>I don't know...I feel better, normal, didn't obsess today, motivated and happy. I think <B>cl</B> you had something to do with this...getting on me yesterday. I thought alot about what you wrote and what I need to work on. I want happiness and it <B>is</B> inside of me..I just have to get in touch with it, again.<P>Today I was happy...I hope this signals a turning point and not another yo-yo trip....<P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Desiree,<P><B>WOW</B> will you come over to my house...lol<P>I'm trying to dig deep within myself, get off my pitty pot, and take my life back. My emotions have held me hostege for over 90 days now. You are right happiness does come from within.<P>My day started like yours did we went to church. Yes thats right Robin went with me. Oh and our pastor can put it out there. I don't know how she can live in her own skin. The message was abot the seven deadly sins. I kinda felt sorry for her. It's her bed and she has to lay in it.<P>After church I went to look at getting a new truck. A dealership had an offer that was too good to be true, and it was. I got so mad at the sdales manager I told him I didn't appretiate being screwed on a sunday, the thanked him for waiting two hour of my time. <P>Picked up Abbey from Robins came home and started my chores. I have to take the tree down tonight. Oh joy...<P>I am going to write out a schedule for each day otherwise I won't do squat.<P>Yesterday wound up being a good day. I got out of myself and helped someone else. It felt really good.<P>I guess Robin will still be in lala land for awhile longer so I might as well accept it and move on with my life while God works on hers.<P>Bill<P>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Roll Me Away,<P>The more independent things we do like that, the more it will build our self-esteem (which has been shot to hell!). After H left, I installed a new hot water heater, I was so proud of myself. We can do this!<P>AD

Wow RMA! You are Superwoman! Doing things on your own...definitely builds self-esteem. Keep it up....you are doing great!<P><BR>p.s. I need some help over at my house....maybe you can come over and lend me a hand....LOL!

Bill,<P>If I can move tomorrow - I will think about it!HAHAHAHAHA!!!! NOT! I was going to start back at the health club this weekend, but decided to get moving doing stuff at home that I have been WAITING for H to do. I guess I know he isn't going to take care of things around here while he is all wrapped up in the OW. So, I did them. This was a great way to work off some excess energy, too. <P>Took the tree down yesterday and that was why I had to clean up the den today. Glad Robin went to church with you, Bill. You know, there is no telling how much all of this is affecting her - she might really FEEL it all, but is fighting it inside. Keep praying! Way to go pastor!!!<P>AD,<P>A Hot water heater?????? WOW!!! I am impressed!!! Yes, this felt good to me. Maybe not a big deal for those handywomen, but a big deal to me, because I had never done these things! I have 7 brothers and never learned how to do these kindof things. <P>Part of this making me happy is to not feel "stuck" or incapacitated since H is gone (I'm sick of that feeling!). I want to be able to keep my place up and not have to try to hire people to do these things. Yes, AD, this is good for the self-esteem. Thanks for the well wishes!<P>Desiree <BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Roll Me Away,<BR>This thread really got me to thinking. My mother, both my grandmothers, and several of my great aunts are widows. My mother is the most independent woman I know. She picked right up after my Dad passed away and she is very self sufficient. She can do anything a man can do (a lot more than my ex). She can change the oil in her car and everything. She has never married again because she is very happy and fulfilled on her own. That is my goal, to live a full and happy life with or without a man.<P>AD

NoTrust,<P>Sorry, we must have been posting at the same time! Yes, this is good for the self-esteem. I ma thinking all kinds of things in my head that I am going to do. Even if I can't do them, I will get them taken care of and that makes me feel good, too. <P>Oh......I'll come over to your place right after I finish as Bill's......! HAHAHAHAHA! LOL!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

AD,<P>Funny you mentioned this. I told my counselor in a lot of ways, this experience has prepared us for the death of a spouse in later years. Your Mom sounds like a very special woman. I think your aspirations and your attitude are great. But, I dunno about the oil change thing.....?<P>Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Ya know desiree, I too was sitting here thinking.<P>You are quite the woman, I mean you can kick butt,litteraly, you ride a motorcycle, not affraid of firearms, an electritian, and a cleaner extrodinaire, I bet you are also a gourmet chef aren't you.<P>I think your H is a bigger idiot than my W.<P>What more could a man want in a women.<P>Tell me what else can you do?<P>I am really impressed. I wish I was half that motivated.<P>Now that I think about it I need my gutters cleaned...lol<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey Des,<P>It took you all day to do just that stuff? What are you doing, laying on the oars? <P>

<B>Bill,</B><P>The GUTTERS - really??? LOL! HAHAHAHAHA!!! SUUUUREEE!<P>Ok, yes, I am a mighty fine cook - how can I be Cajun and NOT be a great cook! But, only if you like spicy. My talent is that I can do a little bit of EVERYTHING and nothing really well. I like to do all sorts of other things - hike and scuba dive and dance and oh, I don't know. I'll try just about anything. I want to sky dive, but I am scared to death of the thought of it!!! I have a celtic harp and was doing a self-tutorial class. I had gotten to the point where I could play a several simple tunes and you could understand. Then this.......haven't touched it since. Literally, I have many - probably too many- interests!<P><B>Tim,</B><P>Worrying a little about you, buddy. You have been waayyyy too quiet. But, that's OK - you need to time on your own to sort things out, Tim.<P>Yeah....I've been goldbricking.......!<P>Really, I feel like I've gotten my energy back. I normally have a TREMENDOUS amount of energy. I hope this means I am snapping back to "normal" because I really do want to reclaim my life! <P>How are you today???????<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hey Des,<P>I think I'm starting to lose all sense of reality. Like that's a shock to you guys. <P>Val called Friday to wish me a happy new year and I tried to start a fight. I don't even remember what it was all about. It was that important. Something like leaving the toilet seat down last year. It seems that I am trying to sabotage the marriage.<P>I fought the good fight and we are thisclose to reconsiliation. Brian is not a priority in her life anymore. Sadly, Val is not a priority in my life right now. <P>I don't know what's wrong with me. Well, other than the obvious. This is what Iv'e worked to achieve the last 9 months and now I couldn't care less.<P>I believe that I am becoming a recluse. I was seeing an XGF just for company. No, nothing else. Now, I just want to be left alone.<P>If you can believe it I am not as loud and obnoxious as I once was. Yeah, I haven't been posting as much lately. Still keeping up on you guys though. Not sure what's up with me. I haven't hit my head in the last few days.<P>Tim<BR>

<B>Tim,</B><P>You need a little TLC, honey. All of us do. Really, it's been so long since somebody close to us gave a rat's @ss about us. Not talking about folks here or friends...but, really we need something a little more than this. I am sorry you are so down. <P>The article that was posted to you (from Liz, I think) does sorta speak to it...you feel Val can be yours again, and maybe you feel "safe" to let the anger and disappointment come up. <P>To do PlanA, we have to supress so much of what we are feeling. At some point you do have to deal with those feelings. Maybe that is what is happening now. Don't worry...just take some time to yourself and "see" what happens and how you feel. This is truly something no one who hasn't experienced this can possibly understand. <P>We will still be friends no matter what happens. The important thing is not to lose "Tim" in the process. Rest a few days and then share some more of your great humor here. You and Sheryl will be voted the 2 Most Humorous (Most Humorous Male and Most Humorous Female) on the MBF!!!!!! Quite an honor if you ask me........<P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Should we all list things that need done? Do I have enough room??<BR>H left me with a tub that leaks, the stopper in the tub is broke, the kitchen faucet leaks, a heating element in the hot water heater is bad, the walls need painted and so do the ceilings, carpets need scrubbed, Flu needs cleaned, etc......... And all this left by a man who took a building trades and plumbing course at a Vo-Tech center. Am I an idiot or what??? I guess I need to learn how to do more things. I'm basically just lazy, and I will admit to it too!!

Hey Tim, I got a brand new 2x4 hasnt been used yet.<P>Val left the seat up? A year ago? You haven't put it down yet?<P>My God man, are you loosing your mind?...lol<P>Ok go put the seat down, then a good solid <B>whack</B>, then call Val and tell her you won't complain about her leaving the seat up any more...<P>See if that cures ya.<P>That toilet seat trama is bad stuff man.<BR>You need to be careful.<P>Keep us posted.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey Desiree!<P>I'm proud of ya (wo)man! Thats one of the first things my counselor told me was that I have to keep busy. I have slacked off the last few weekends so I need to rededicate myself.<P>I have 3 rooms that need painted. My bedroom, its pink!, my daughters room, it still a little girls room and she wants a teenagers room, and our basement, it hasn't been painted for who knows how long and it is a wreck. It needs new carpet too, but will not be able to afford that for now as my money has to go else where.<P>Keep up the good work and all those other interests!!<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>

<B>Mitzi,</B><P>Can't help with the plumbing. But, if you can afford it, just get these things fixed. Amazing how the little stuff just drives you crazy - all these little repairs!<P><B>Bill,</B><P>LOL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Toilet seat trauma???? Oh, <B>Tim</B>, surely you arenm't going to let THAT pass. You must have some war story to share here??????? (Bill, good job to re-engage Tim!) <P><B>Bob,</B> <P>I was posting on your thread whil you were posting here - something about great minds that think alike!!!<P>Yeah, I was thinking of painting soon, too. Well, I am a little chored-out right this minute. It may take me a week or two to recover from today's work, though. It still felt good! <P>Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

HI Des,<P>I just don't get it. I am sitting here rocking out to Metallica as happy as can be. My oldest son is staying with me for a few weeks. We were playing ambulance today. A good day too, didn't kill anyone.<P>OH BILL,<P>Don't even tease me with virgin lumber. This could take years of therapy with the seat issue. At least my bed room isn't pink! Sorry Bob <P>Just playing. You should see the wall paper in my office at the house. Cute little flowers and vines all over the place. It used to be Val's wicker room. She and the stick furniture are gone.<P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Hey Tim,<P>At least I did take down the little girl pictures and the big ribbon off the walls.<P>I still not sure what to do with the ballon window treatments and the flowery bedspread!!! <P>LOL<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>

Now look, you guys...I GOTTA go to bed and you are just trying to keep me up!<P><B>Tim,</B><P>Somehow I can see you with the flowery and viney wall paper....a sharp contrast to your line of work for sure. Where was the toilet seat trauma story we asked for???????<P><B>Bill,</B><P>GREAT job...it worked!!!!!!!!!!! <P><B>Bob,</B><P>I have a suggestion about what to do with that stuff....First, you get the OM and make him bend over and........<P>OOOPPPPSS! Past my bed time....you will just have to figure it out all by yourself! <P>Good night all,<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>