I know that I should be posting this on the divorce forum but you guys know my story. I have been doing some serious thinking lately. And seeing the challanges ahead of me with moving in a new house, saving my hard earned money to do this and the challanges I face alone, I see he is doing nothing to help. We talked a few weeks ago and I posted here but I find myself only really having the urge to talk to him when I am lonely.

I need to make a decision to move on with my life either or. Tired of being in limbo. I need to make a decision and when I talk and discuss things and my feelings I find more reasons to leave this marriage behind and move on to my future. Atleast I will not have the lies, and distrust. The questions of always wondering if he is with someone else, talking to someone else etc.

Plus the other issues of him not being responsible for anything in his life and over the months we have been seperated I can honestly say I haven't really seen a change for the better in him. He says he wants an adult relationship but I can say with 99% sureity I know he has not come clean with everything especially him not coming in March and the reason he told me why. I will always question myself. Atleast if I move on I will know that one way or another I will be happier and better off just knowing that I am not settling just to be with someone for the exchange of not being lonely but like most of us know that you can be in a marriage and feel like you are the only person on this planet.

I think deep down I know what I need to do it is just finding the strength and courage to do it!

NA,
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I FEEL the same way.

I understand the feeling of uncertainty IF you were to stay together. This insecurity of wondering if he'll do this again to you only to send you spiraling back to where you started.

I understand the want to move on and build up your life.

At this point even when I am in a much better position then you with my H (and I'm sorry for that) when I think of a life without him, a life that I build by myself and am responsible for I feel a peace inside of me. That peace is from knowing that if I do make that decision that he can't hurt me again like this. I can live each day without the insecurities I face today.

I am still standing my ground for my kids and for a part of me and my H's and I history together. I wish I could set a time limit within myself but I'm not at that point yet.

I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

Well I talked to him last night and told him that I guess we should just let each other go and move on. I asked if had been saving to come see me and he hasn't but he has bought movie box sets and video games but doesnt have the money to see me
1)tells me where the importance of me lies with him.

2) He had the option of telling me the honest truth many times why he didnt come or he could fax me the paper work proving he had court even though the courts say he didnt and nothing on the case history of that appointment and the courts say he never faxed them anything to try to change it if he did.

Tells me that he was lying and if he wasnt his pride is to big to prove to me that he isnt lying after he told me he would do anything to rebuild my trust.

As I see it I have to at one point stop putting myself through this and move on. Just those to points right there proves to me that he isn't willing to do what is takes. I told him I wanted to save the love I had left for him. I wanted not to end of destroying what was left so we can still have some kind of open relationship but I did choose to move on without him and stop hoping if he will change, or come here.

You would think at this point I would have some peace but right now I feel like I lost everything all over again but I have to believe that this pain will too go away with every step I make toward my new life to happiness.

Have you tried a good Plan B?

No I haven't tried a plan B but I guess that is where I am going. At this point I have to think about what I want and what I can and can't live with and from what I have seen since we have seperated is the he is so very self absorbed that he doesnt have room in his life for anyone else that has needs or issues. If he isn't willing to save money to come see me especially since I forked over for a plane ticket last time and he is not willing to be totally open and fax me proof of why he didnt come and he says he shouldn't have to then it is his pride why he won't do it and if pride is standing in the way of repairing a family and marriage well I have to ask myself what am I getting out of that!