I talked to my H last night. We had a good talk. I told him that I forgave him for what he did. He said thank you. Then I went on to tell him that I wasn't forgiving him for him but for me. I knew that I had to let go of all of this so I could move on in my life.
I then told him that I understood now my part in pushing him away and my part in this. After so much reading and looking inside myself I have come to understand why the majority of people have A's. I told him that I did not understand the lies and that I have come to find has hurt me more than the A. The continued lies after I knew about it. He said he knows he lies and he does not understand why he does it but thinks because he has always had to lie to be able to do something that has how he has always lived his life. And trust me after knowing his family for so long, they all lie to each other. The lie to gain something for themselves. I have seen his Mother do it so often. I believe he grew up thinking that lieing was a part of life. I told him I don't condon that.

He actually for once just listened to me. He didn't deny, get angry, defensive. HE LISTENED. I told him my thoughts on why he lied and he listenend.

I realize now that I was holding onto a lot of things and I feel better that I have let them go. His problems are not mine. He created them and he needs to be the one to fix them. He made the comment last night that he can't get a break. So I told him he needs to take control of his life instead of letting others do it and make the decision for him. He lacks motivation becuase he has shot himself in the foot so many times. I know he is dealing with manic depression too which also clouds his head, his thoughts and his ability to make moral conscious decisions. But I also know that he has to be the one to stay on the medication and get counseling so he can help himself.

Hi Na,

Your posts sound positive. You were able to reach your H's sense of reason. This is progress. Also you are able to see what you can control and what you can't.

I had a similar convo w/my Xws a while back. I believe he will remember your convo.

Good job.

take care,
L.