I discovered my husband's affair two months back. Its been a month since he has left us. He comes back for visiting 3 times a week. I have been hurting everytime I see him. There were many angry fights over his affair. We have seen a pastor twice and he confessed he is not ready to "give" up.

I was encouraged to issue the ultimatum but PJ (my husband) refused to bite. He said what I am doing will only cause further damage.

Many cheers
PJ wants me to be around whenever he comes over to see his son. His explaination is to provide stability to our 4 yr old son and at the same time is for us.

In Plan B, the danger is "out of sight; out of mind". Wasn't sure if "absence makes the heart grow fonder". PJ confessed he is lost and can't think clearly. An excuse perhaps to continue his illicit affair with the lady.

Did I mention that the lady friend is married and her husband has also left her (not sure when and how). I "spoke" to her 2 days back. We argued, chatted, confided, and argued again. It was bizzare! All I wanted to relay to her is she is building her perceived happiness on the expense of my son and me. The outcome of conversation was my husband conveying the msg to me that she will be leaving the country for good. However, deep inside I do want her to resolve her issues with the husband.

I have 2 questions I hope someone will help me out:

1)I wonder I should tell on her husband and is it going to make any difference. PJ said that I do have the right but that will only incur his wrath. (I see it as a threat)

2)The other lady is also just as desperate and using my husband to meet the needs that her husband didnt. Should I introduce this website to her because I certainly find this web helpful in understanding the fundamentals of marriage.

Do a plan A. Most important do not demand and do not educate him. There is a list of what you must and must not do during plan A...

During plan A you must be firm telling him that this affair is hurting you but without the anger and the crying. YOU must be calm and caring the whole time. You must do the opposite to everything you really feel like doing. Second, you must not believe anything your WH is telling you.

Plan A has a time framed. After that if he is still stalling and unable to decide then you must do plan B. If you do not do plan B then you will be enabling the affair.

You will know what to do when the time comes.

Plan B is not that bad at all. You are not ready for plan B that is why you have all those worries. The time for plan B is when you reach a point you no longer want this person and really hate his guts.

You must also use this opportunity to expose the affair to everyone. Yes tell the OW husband.

Do not worry about the OW. Do not contact her again.

You need to work on your plan A and do a good plan A.

Thanks. Your suggestions are indeed wise. If only I have read them earlier... Just off the hook with my husband. Was pouring my guts on him...certainly not so wise as my husband clearly pointed out to me.

Anyhow, will follow your advice and do exactly the opposite what I feel I want to do. Rather inspired and thank you very much.

He will be taking us to the zoo and we promised each other to be nice and have fun together.

Many cheers

rosj,

Facereality.com might be a better place for her...

I think you are a fantastic woman. Obviously so sweet.

You should have this place to yourself, though -- free from worrying about if she'll read your stuff.

Cecily

Cecily,

Thks for the encouragement. You are a sweetie too...

Sometimes I can't help but feel sorry for her (though I hate her most of the times frankly). I really hope she will do things right and not continuing to hurt others.

Her husband is also one nice guy who certainly do not deserve this. All she complained to me during my 2 hr phone call with her that her husband did not listen to her...and she tried to reconcile with him...etc...Well, she is just as "lost".

My answer to her that by confiding in another man (esp a married man) certainly complicates matter. Result: wrecking another person's marriage.

Myself been "chased" by another male at this moment. Wanted to know all the matters and details. Declared his fondness for me. I told him NO.

I really want my marriage to work out and yes also for my son's sake. He misses his dad so much and really hurts to see/hear that.

I really thank you all for the replies and tips.

Many Cheers!

rosj

Hi!

A quick update.

My WH picked us up from church today. We went to the zoo and for the first time we enjoyed ourselves. Towards the end of the day, after dinner, he asked me if he did alright today.(I did complain that he appeared aloof and sad during my birthday dinner last Friday.)

I told him we had a great time and he agreed to that. I even SMS him again.

Must do up a proper Plan A. I know I have LB'ing these days and it certainly didn't help. I will and must bite my tongue and control my anger. All these outbursts will only drive him further and further away.

Thanks guys for your continuing encouragements.

rosj