Been in Plan A for about a month. WH not living with me. Communication had been pretty good intially with contact everyday but he has pulled away in recent week. Last talk was basically saying he knows where he "should" be (meaning with me) but he "wants" to be somewhere else (meaning with OW).
Had not spoke with him since Thursday and that was a very short conversation. So here we are Saturday and he shows up at house in afternoon.
Tired from working at folks house, gets something to eat and says he is overheated. I offer comforts (fan?water?) as he sits in living room and saying he is tired. Closes his eyes so I leave him and go to back porch to continue some work I was doing.
He stays in living room for an hour or so comes out and says he is going to see his folks (dad is in hospital and I had already spent 3 hours there earlier) so I just say okay.
I tell him how his dad was, he makes little comment and asks if I'll be home tomorrow.
I answer I don't know, as it depends on what his parents need, they might be coming home tomorrow.
So he says okay, I'm going. I say okay.
But its awkward. I get the impression he wants more but I don't know what to give. I wasn't ugly but I wasn't generous either.
So he gives me one of those, "have a nice day" comments that has an edge on it.
It took everything I could do not to respond to his quip. I responded with thanks and you too.
But geez, guys this is so hard.
I just want to hold him and love on him.
Am I LB'g by holding back my true feelings?

Doesn't seem my aggressive, I need you, I love you stuff had any bearing on him so I've been trying to not sound so desperate.
But honestly I feel so unnatural sounding aloof.

I need some bearings, any suggestions on how you handle yourself in Plan A.

whitefeather:

It sounds to me like you did just fine.

This IS hard......there is no doubt about that.

LB'ing would be Disrespectful Judgments, Angry Outbursts, Selfish Demands, etc.

Doesn't sound like you did any of those.
Keep doing what you are doing. This takes time. And endurance.

It definitely AIN'T for the weak-hearted!

God Bless,

I appreciate the reply. I find it hard to be making L deposits when he is not around.

Conversation with him has become difficult, not because he won't talk but that he just looks so pitifully depressed and just seems to stand around. I find myself asking him if he is alright most of the time as he looks so bad.

I don't know if he is coming out of the fog and is dealing with pain of "maybe" leaving OW or that he is just pitifully in this depressed state of limbo.

Hopefully tomorrow he'll open up more. He says he is coming out here again.

You are right though this is HARD.

Plan A...is tough so be strong. You can do it. Listen to him and keep giving...give and give...when you have had enough...walk away...take a breath of fresh air then go back and start again...do not love bust. Remember that B8tchy OW...well...you do not want OW to win right???

Stay strong and do your best in plan A.

Thanks, I needed a reminder about the B8thy OW. I have to remind myself that their time together cannot possibly be roses and candles all the time and that reality must be seeping in some.

We have MC appt tomorrow afternoon and I'm so on edge cause I don't know if he plans to go or not. I'm so afraid to ask or to even mention it.
I probably will attempt to mention it today as a reminder but certainly don't think its necessary. Surely he knows it, but I can also imagine him saying, "oh, I'm sorry, I forgot all about it".
I'm scared basically. This is third attempt to getting to MC. I'm hoping and praying he goes for whatever reason, even if it is he is just going cause I asked and isn't really committed.
But also sure am scared about MC. Is he a good one or not.
He came highly recommended from two different sources.
Then I'm just plain scared for me. I know first meeting won't get into anything deep but I'm afraid what I might find out about me or what WH will say.
There is no other way to say it, I'm just scared.

I have committed myself to going to C whether WH opts out or not. I need help and so I'll go for me, if not for us.

Whitefeather,

Your fears are not unfounded. Through the MC, you will definitely get to know more ugly truths. Take heart and must gear yourself up for it.

Seeing an MC is definitely gd. Provide insight perspectives for both of you. Think positive and take courage!

God Bless

Thanks. I need all the encouragement and heads up I can get.
I am ecstatic that WH has agreed to go to the appt with MC this afternoon. I get the impression he is just doing it for me, but maybe, just maybe he has some curiosity of his own.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean about gearing up. That gives me the impression I should prepare for something. And I honestly don't know what to prepare for other then to be open minded and as honest as I can be and let the chips fall as they may. I might be eating my words, but presently I do feel like he has some built up hatred for me and I need to know where this feeling I'm getting is coming from. Yeah, I expect to be blasted eventually.