I am new to forum, but not new to MB. D-day was about three months ago. H left for an overseas trip in the morning and that same evening I found an email he wrote to OW. When he called to let me know he arrived, I confronted him with the email and of course, he denied the whole thing. The rest of the day, he called and called, but I could not answer because it hurt so much. Luckily that same night, I found the MB web site. I printed many articles and read and read and then read some more. The MB concepts helped me over the initial shock and shaped my understanding. WS was not sure if he wanted to come home or just move out; because I followed the MB principles, it helped him to feel safe enough to return home.
H and I have been together for 21 years. To add to things, he is going through a MLC. He spent 35+ years in business and feels he has nothing to show for his time. About six years ago, he decided on his own that he would retire and start his own business. He was able to do this because I am lucky enough to make a good salary to support both of us. In the last few years, he took on partners to expand the business and now feels he has failed again because he has lost control of the biz. The last few years also found us helping our families. My mom had a stroke and needed care for two years until she passed. His mom has Alzheimer and moved to assisted living. Then in January, his brother who is a year older passed away suddenly.
EA started in October when WS and OW met at a show. Before long, he was calling and seeing her regularly. In January, WS and OW spent most of their time arguing because she lied to him all the time. She divided her time between WS and her OM who she says is gay. OW worked shows with her OM and would travel and stay with OM as his W. LOL that WS would preach to OW about honesty.
I thought WS and I started our recovery. At first, he allowed me to fill his EN’s. Then we had a major setback. WS went to speak with OW at her apt. She was there with her OM and the OM threatened to beat up WS. About a week later, WS found out that OW falsely charged him with battery. She supposedly later withdrew charge, but we still have not been able to find out for certain. Since that time, WS, who was already obsessed, became obsessed with getting revenge against OM.
About two months ago, I started MC with S. Harley. He has helped me stay on course with Plan A with very few LB’s. I have been able to withstand more setbacks. For example, WS’s admitted cruelty to me to keep me at a distance. Specific events: WS worked an out-of-town show (I asked to go together, but he said no) that was next to a show that OW was working. They made contact, but it was limited because her OM was there and he is a gun dealer. Worked another show two weeks ago and WS allowed me to attend. Her OM attended and WS pointed him out to me and we watched as he walked by. It was scary because I was not sure if WS was going to publicly confront him, but he did not. Two Sundays ago, OW called and WS returned call. He asked if she was with her OM, she said yes and he hung up. Last Sunday, he told me she calls every Sunday to see how he is doing. Since recontact has started, he goes nuts and threatens to runaway and move out. The pain returns for both of us.
I am still hanging on because of family, friends, MB, SH and forum. From the forum, I have found out that I am not crazy. The ludicrous things WS says is the addiction talking and I don’t take them personally. Knowledge, however, is a double edge sword. It allows me to know what to expect and protect myself. The other side of knowledge is I read how long the process takes and I wonder if I am up to the long road ahead either with Plan A and even more with Plan B as contact has started again and I don’t thing WS will be able to stop. Maybe I have less hope because today is Sunday and I hate Sundays now.
I guess I had a lot on my mind and this post turned out to be really long. I hope my story has helped someone as so many others stories have helped me. The forum has given me inspiration, tears and comfort. I pray for all of us that are trying to make it on that long road ahead. Thanks for "listening."
