H has been gone 20 some days. only took a few shirts and his meds.-didn't pack a van and MOVE OUT. we have very little contact in person/email/phone. minimal. h was VERY angry at first- now not so. has different answers to same questions- thats the part that is so hard.

he'll stop by and say I love you.

then say "doubtful I'm ever coming back"

will NOT discuss divorce on any level- just says I will not talk about that.

has left household money intact so I can pay bills.

I ask straight out- do you want ow/her child? he says NO!

I ask straight out- why don't you tell us to P*** off and get out? "don't want to discuss it" is the answer to that too.

other things I know. he does see/talk to ow. may even live there. doesn't contact his kids. says it is up to them if they want him. they are DARK to the max.

I am just confused and....confused. his spiritual life is gone? mine is in full swing but I am not healthy this way. don't know whether to push or let him work it out. how long do I hang this way? had one MC appt- I went solo.

help!!

PEACE OUT

It is easier to do nothing than it is to do something.
If he discusses it or does something, it will bring all the emotions/feelings up.

If you are in Plan B, why are you around him?
Why are you letting him ask or you asking questions?

<small>[ June 16, 2004, 02:11 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

hi Chris- my brain is mush- between wh- sick sons- myself and a childs funeral....I need more explanation. please-thank you.

PEACE OUT

Okay.
You are in Plan B, yes?

If you are in Plan B, why are you talking with him?

h walked out. does that make it plan B? sure doesn't want to talk to me- some things need an answer.......

PEACE OUT

every week- my attorney wants an answer about the $$- is the auto check still in the bank to tun the household?

friends son died- left a msg on h machine. had to answer grieving friend why he wasn't there at funeral. better that h KNEW and didn't go and he can suffer his own guilt over that.

when bill collectors or unhappy customers call- I do hand out his work phone #. hate doing it but I can't help them.

now my car is nearly un-licensed- h has to sign and notarize the papers- let it go too late. am I going to pay an atty. 175$ an hour to do that and how will they get him to comply anyway?

just STUFF. now I am facing a serious medical crisis and he doesn't know- he'll be getting the bills but they will appear back in my mailbox.....

inaction- hate it. we'd like him to come HOME. everyday just is a DRAG.

PEACE OUT

No, you are not in Plan B just because they leave.
You need to send a Plan B letter.If you do not know what it is, you are not doing it.

Have you read "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley?

<small>[ June 16, 2004, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

yup

Sprezz, let me ask you this, this is a direct question. Do the boys want H home? Or do you just want the family back together like nothing happened?

I always read "WE want him home" but wonder if it is not really we.

Go to plan B. With or without a letter. Let him lie in the bed he has made.

Go to plan B. With or without a letter.
Never, never, NEVER go to Plan B without a letter.
It's not Plan B without a letter. It is plan ignore and will only mess things up further.

sprezz,

Your H may have left, but you have left HIM in control.

Plan B is also designed so that YOU (yes YOU) are in control of the situation.

In control of when OR if you have contact with him.
As of now you are NOT in plan B.

Please reread the SAA section on plan B or even on this website. (Take heart there is a lot of confusion on Both of the plans). Just look at all the questions about them.

Chris Ca is correct that you DO need the letter.

And NO contact means just that.

A true plan B is not for everyone.
However, if you are going to attempt one, why not follow it completely and give your M its best chance?

Wishing you success in your struggle. Take care

<small>[ June 16, 2004, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>