I just wanted to give some hope to fellow Plan A'ers. And if there's anyone around who remembers me -- I had a lot of help from this site.
FWS ended the A 6 months ago today. Actually, it was 6 months and 1 week, but OW called a week later and they had their closure.
Since then, not one word from OW. Thank god! I think about 3 months ago, FWS did get a call from her cell, but it was a man's voice and the caller hung up immediately. Maybe a new beau checking her call log? Whatever. I told FWS that I appreciated him telling me that happened.
And that was it in terms of contact. We have had our ups and downs. We planned a vacation to Hawaii, but about 10 days before, we got in a huge argument. I pretty much had given up hope for our M. I was checking out and we had the worst vacation ever.
Well, it didn't help that that is where the A began. FWS went last year on a business trip and would call OW every night for 2 hours or so. She also picked him up from the airport when he got home and I had no clue. So the condo was full of memories of them *for me*.
Our baby got sick on the trip and our vacation went from bad to worse with FWS asking for a divorce in there somewhere. The night before we were to come home, I was convinced we were over. Well, let's just say something strange happened that night.
FWS pretty much had a breakdown if you will. It's a long story, but a couple of days after we got home, I finally saw true and deep remorse from him about what he did to us and to himself. I guess it finally hit me how much he was hurting and I started to wonder if his hell was worse than mine.
We've begun the slow climb back up to recover our M. Sometimes I wonder how I can stay with FWS after what he did, but then I think he doesn't seem like the same person he was 6 months ago. I never would have thought that people can change, but I'm seeing it with my own eyes.
I do worry. I actually worry that I'm not changing enough, but I try to be kind to myself. No one can change overnight and I just make sure that I'm moving forward, putting one foot in front of the other.
I have to admit I haven't told FWS that I've forgiven him. I wonder if I'm trying to punish him, but I know I will have to do it soon. For my sake, for his sake, for our M's sake. I'm thinking maybe on the anniversary of NC.
I still struggle with the changes I need to make, the things that led to the atmosphere that allowed the A to happen.
But I'm falling in love with my H again and I never thought that could happen. Thanks to MB and all the wonderful people here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />