I just wanted to give some hope to fellow Plan A'ers. And if there's anyone around who remembers me -- I had a lot of help from this site.

FWS ended the A 6 months ago today. Actually, it was 6 months and 1 week, but OW called a week later and they had their closure.

Since then, not one word from OW. Thank god! I think about 3 months ago, FWS did get a call from her cell, but it was a man's voice and the caller hung up immediately. Maybe a new beau checking her call log? Whatever. I told FWS that I appreciated him telling me that happened.

And that was it in terms of contact. We have had our ups and downs. We planned a vacation to Hawaii, but about 10 days before, we got in a huge argument. I pretty much had given up hope for our M. I was checking out and we had the worst vacation ever.

Well, it didn't help that that is where the A began. FWS went last year on a business trip and would call OW every night for 2 hours or so. She also picked him up from the airport when he got home and I had no clue. So the condo was full of memories of them *for me*.

Our baby got sick on the trip and our vacation went from bad to worse with FWS asking for a divorce in there somewhere. The night before we were to come home, I was convinced we were over. Well, let's just say something strange happened that night.

FWS pretty much had a breakdown if you will. It's a long story, but a couple of days after we got home, I finally saw true and deep remorse from him about what he did to us and to himself. I guess it finally hit me how much he was hurting and I started to wonder if his hell was worse than mine.

We've begun the slow climb back up to recover our M. Sometimes I wonder how I can stay with FWS after what he did, but then I think he doesn't seem like the same person he was 6 months ago. I never would have thought that people can change, but I'm seeing it with my own eyes.

I do worry. I actually worry that I'm not changing enough, but I try to be kind to myself. No one can change overnight and I just make sure that I'm moving forward, putting one foot in front of the other.

I have to admit I haven't told FWS that I've forgiven him. I wonder if I'm trying to punish him, but I know I will have to do it soon. For my sake, for his sake, for our M's sake. I'm thinking maybe on the anniversary of NC.

I still struggle with the changes I need to make, the things that led to the atmosphere that allowed the A to happen.

But I'm falling in love with my H again and I never thought that could happen. Thanks to MB and all the wonderful people here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the update. It is so nice to hear a success story. I think if you realize that your husband was "addicted", and a completely different person then, you will feel more like forgiving him. Let us know what happens.

Actually, he is a different person than even when we got married. I hope we both are. The thing is that we weren't meeting ENs and got very good at LB'ing. It's not easy to change those things quickly, because this is the way we react to each other. But I can see him react very differently now.

I feel I've forgiven him in terms of trying to move forward, keeping an open heart/mind, and willing to give us another chance.

But I do go back to the thought that I've been hurt terribly and maybe I'm not done wallowing in my pain? Maybe I'm thinking forgiveness should be this big monumental thing, but perhaps it's something we quietly do for ourselves.

As you can see, I'm still sorting through this recovery thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />