I read somewhere that work-place affairs are the worst. Why, are they more likely to succeed?<P>AD

already divorced,<P>contact, Contact, and more CONTACT...<BR>daily... non-stop contact!<P>That's why the first of the <B>extraordinary precautions</B> to taken to guarantee separation... is <B>Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)</B>!<P>It stinks...<P>Jim

I agree with Jim. Plus also the are working more on a team basis and have built up commraderie(sp) and the contact, contact, contact.<P>After om dumped my stbx, at work no less, they were still seeing one another and I found out they went to breakfast together so the bond between them was only broken for 2 weeks. It just can't work with them seeing each other no matter how infrequently.<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>

Just to add to what the other have already said..<P>Not only the contact, but the fact that the OP is presenting a different picture of "unreality". No bills, no being tired after a long day of work (they always see you at your best), no kids screaming, no sweats in the morning, no non-makeup face waking up in the morning, etc. etc.<P>It's basically presenting an image of unreality to the OP, and vice versa. I guess that's where the fantasy term comes in.

Great. So are these affairs more likely to succeed?<P>Ad

What do you mean by succeed? Do they last longer or do they get married?<P>Successful affairs are a very low percentage. I think like 3-5%.<P>They may last longer because of the contact, but as for being successful, they will fail when reality sets in like any other affair I believe.<P>

Ad,<BR>Good Question.<P>I would never try to 'justify' my affair that I had with a co-worker but by looking back, I can see how and why it started (and understand how hard it is to end).<P>1. Time spent together (especially working full time.<BR>2. Common interrests (granted that you are in jobs that you enjoy).<BR>3. CONTACT on a daily basis.<BR>4. Wanting to develop friendships with co-workers, therefore 'personal' conversation.<BR>5. Always meeting new people.<P>I sound like I am making excuses for work place affairs but I am not. Friendships are obviously going to develop when working closely with others. I never knew how common they were until I had one.<P>Sorry I can't offer any advice here - this subject is still very 'real' for me to discuss so I can't say anything else.<P>As for why they last: no comment right now.<P>Brynn<BR>

I agree with everyones response.. I think they are worse because of the continued contact.. My h tried to break it off several times with ow, but they worked together, and everytime he broke it off, he could only last a little bit before he would see her and relapse.. <BR>I also think workplace can be worse because, depending on their job, there can be a high level of emotinal attachment because they spend so much time together.. My h spent 40 hrs. a week with ow, plus anytime they say each other outside of work.. We didnt even get a fraction of that time together.<P>As far as them being more successful,,,, I dont think that is the case.. I actually would think that it is more arrows against them.. Once it is exposed to co-workers and management it is a lot of stress on them,, I think it gets messier when its in a workplace setting... some people getting fired, demoted, moved to different areas,, or disturbing the work environment.. Many co-workers get real bothered when they see what goes on...]<P>I think they are harder to end,,, because of those reasons, but they still do end... Just takes a lot of time and a ton of patience.

Nope, I certainly don't believe it will work out, only because of what I went through.<P>Beginning to hate the OP for his continual presence, reminding me of what I had done. Starting to dislike him because he wasn't there for me through good and bad. The fantasy does come crashing down, believe me. Then you have to go through the gamut of guilt and everything else. <P>But believe me....workplace relationships are not stable, they are teetering precariously, and they fall just like a deck of cards, but harder.

My guess - much harder to end because of the frequent contact. I was also told by Steve Harley that the secret nature of it is part of the allure - something exciting only the two of them share. But when they do end, much more destruction. It's humiliating to be in this position at the office, with everyone knowing. Also, when it reaches the point where one of the lovers can't stand the other, it would become sheer torture.<P>AD, this looks like another thing our partners have in common.

It may seem like it's harder to end, but I am here to tell you that <B>it can end</B> if even one <B>wants it to end</B>.<P>I look at it like this: instead of calling it contact, I call it my mistake paraded in front of my face for 8 hrs. a day. I couldn't be <B>more horrified, embarrassed and humiliated</B> by having to look at him and deal with him. My affair lasted 3 months, and has been over for 7 months... it certainly <B>did not succeed</B> in any way, shape or form.<P>I'm not gonna say it's been easy - not by any stretch of the imagination - but it is <B>100% over</B>, and we both still work there. <P>Not the best scenerio, but realistic in my case... and if you know me at all, you know that I am being sincere about this. It can be done, but it's <B>very difficult</B>.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

AD,<BR> I work at a large aerospace company in a building with about 400 people."Office affairs"are a dime a dozen,and I've never seen one last.Also,even in more respectable relationships,if they fail,you still have to work or see that person everyday.There's truth in the old saying:"Don't get your honey where you get your money!".It always seems like there's somebody where your spouse works,who thinks they can treat them better than you.But they aren't the one putting up with their bad habits,overspending,nasty in-laws,snoring,insults,or leaving their clothes all over the house.When the dog got sick at 3am and was throwing up all over the carpet,that was me cleaning up the mess,not Romeo.You know what I mean? --Murph

Oh Yeah,<P>I worked 12 hour shifts in my previous job with a female partner 5 years ago. A very attractive female partner I might add. We were in an ambulance most of the day. Confined space. What do you do? You talk. Small talk at first. Friendship developes. Deeper talk. Marriage/ relationship talk. <P>You get very close in this business. You can't help it. You depend on your partner to back you up. We got close... almost too close. Never crossed the line. Me and a few friends went to her house one night, her H was working. Yes, there was drinking going on. Real smart idea. The other guys were FUD in the living room and we were in the kitchen talking. We looked at each other and shared a very passionate kiss. It was great. It was wrong. It scared the [censored] out of me. <P>No one else has heard this story. I am somewhat embarrased by it. Not sure why I shared it.<P>Tim

I think the reason why, or they could is because they spend so much time with people at their work. You go through ups and downs, you work closely to solve problems. You celebrate when your team has done good. You get advise from coworkers, you fight you make up because you have to work together. <P>I worked in an office for 6 years. I understand how close people get because I have seen it. Even married people. It made me sick. I even had to be transfered to another office because of my supervisor who was married and knew I was married was making advances at me. I couldn't believe it. It really makes me sick what would have happened if I was a willing party. <P>This bothers me so much now after what has happened. All I do is worry when my H goes to work and has his female assistant do everything for him. This year I told him if he wasn't going to help with buying gifts he was to to all the christmas cards. Two days later my mom calls and said that I spelled their names wrong. I told my mom I haven't sent xmas cards yet. She stated it was a females writing. I confronted my H and he stated that his assistant did them for him.<P><BR>Ugggggggggg is all the more I have to say about this.....<BR>christine

Another factor: common enemy (The Management).<P>When my H got close to Dragon Lady, AND when I came perilously close to getting overly involved with a co-worker in 1989, we were both in situations where we had a large group of co-workers we hung around with, all of whom had a common bond: we all hated our boss, or some form of uppper management.<P>I used to jokingly call it "the camaraderie born of abject misery." But it's no joke. It creates a bond that, depending on what's going on at home, can be stronger than the marital bond.<P>I would be interested in how many workplace affairs took place in these situations, vs. situations where employees are happy.<P>