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need some help with plan A
#474093 06/23/04 08:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 12
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sosad2
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sosad2
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 12
hi i'm new here and am trying to get some help figuring out what my plan A should be. my h is not in the A anymore (as far as he knows) the OW is a coworker he sees 3 days a week at work. there is no contact via cell phone etc. but as far as when there at work i'm not able to know if they talk.

we have been back together for 6 months now with some ups and downs. I'm trying to figure out what i should be doing. If i shold be in plan A , does that mean to be the peferc wife etc and put up with behaviors i dont find accepatable? (sorry i read all info and i am still al ittle confused!)

and when do i know or when should i go to plan b if at all. Thanks!
Re: need some help with plan A
#474094 06/24/04 10:11 PM
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,747
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betrayedinjersey Offline
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betrayedinjersey
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sosad,
Let's clear out some of the cobwebs first. Do NOT try to be the perfect wife. You'll exhaust yourself trying to be something you can't be. And that's not really what you want is it ?

You want a GREAT marriage. I'm uneasy about him still seeing the OW even if at work. What are the circumstances surrounding him finding work someplace else ?

Plan A, doesn't really apply here right now. Read more about POJA. You're in recovery, but there are some loose ends that need to be tied up. Communicate constantly with him, about everything you're feeling. We tend to get confused between LB and just speaking what's on our minds.

Have you filled out the EN questionnaire ? Keep reading, keep yourself learning, and take one day at a time.
Re: need some help with plan A
#474095 06/30/04 12:38 AM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525
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lbc Offline
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lbc
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Posts: 525
Plan A/B are to end the A. Your WS says the A has ended, but part of the plan is for him to "prove" it to you. He needs to be reassuring you that the "friendship" has ended. Will he consider getting another job? Can OW be transferred? Sometimes that is not possible immediately, but WS should be bending over backwards to make sure you feel safe.

If not, then the A has not ended or WS is in withdrawal. Both are difficult spots for you.

How do you feel? Do you think the A has ended? Is WS interested in re-engaging in the M? How does he see the future for both of you?

I would ask him to go to MC and both of you to sign up for IC. Get books on marital recovery and see how receptive he is to your efforts. That will give you a better idea on what is going on.

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