I'm wondering if I'm truly seeing WH in true light.
I've noticed myself looking at WH differently.
What used to be his aggravating habits prior to A, were just that . . . aggravating but nothing major.
Then A came to light and I absolutely missed all those darn aggravating habits, I wanted him back with all the good and the bad.

NOW . . . I see the aggravating habits as not so pleasant and I see other character traits that are new in him I don't like.

What had me holding on through this whole affair is that I knew the man I had been with for 17 years, I knew was deep inside him. And I'm having a hard time seeing him now. Oh, he comes out and regularly but I don't like the other personality that I see.
He is rude, inconsiderate, not curtious, and still continues to lie, not just to me ... but with family and friends. And the lies are not even necessary, they are over trivial stuff. And he is selfish, selfish, selfish.

And yet, the man I "think" I know sometimes comes out is extremely considerate and caring person.

Could it be my WH is in fact changed into someone I don't like? and maybe I'm the one in the fog?

I love him. But I'm thinking if I was dating this man . . . I would dump him in a heart beat, as I don't like him very much.
Does this make sense?

Hi Whitefeather, long time no see. I'm sorry for your continuing pain. It's funny the annoying little things we put up with in Marriage. My WH is supposedly here and ours but he has NEVER attempted to talk to me about things and has never once cared enough to ask how I am doing. He is selfish. He snores like a pig and sometimes I don't like him at all. But it is comfortable being with him. I went to a party the other week and was chatted up. It felt great and I spent the rest of the week fantasizing about sleeping with this other guy. Saw him again (just by chance) the other day and couldn't believe how he'd made me feel. He is truly nothing special. It shows how vulnerable we can be. It's so great to feel someone wants to be with you. Why can't my husband just give me a bit of attention. I am not bad looking and can be quite good fun but I feel like he is so switched off. Do I really want to be with him for the rest of my life - aaaaagh. TT

I struggle with the same thing .

I was alone for so many years, while he was acting like a single person. Now we have lived apart for all these months, and I don't want to go back to the way it was.

I feel sick to think of all the wasted years, and the lies, the selfish behavior.

The balance scale is tipped very much to the "don't like him" side.

I see a glimmer of potential in him, and thats what I am focusing on. not who he is , but the man he can be when God gets hold of him.

Well, here I go on this roller coaster.
Today WH was polite, considerate and kind.

I got my first compliments in I honestly don't remember.
He commented on the sweater I was wearing and how good it looked. He commented later in how good I looked with my weight loss.
And he even called later on telephone, just after we had left his moms to just chit-chat.
He has not done that in some time either.

I likened his behavior to the early stages of dating, where you cautiously show the opposite sex some interest with polite conversation.
Very strange.
Did someone give my WH this post? I swear it was like he could read my mind. (he has no computer skills by the way - so I know he hasn't read this)

Tummy - I have actually done some fantasizing myself with a coworker in mind. We are good friends and he is married. I wouldn't dare go that direction. But I have appreciated his attention, he is good for the ego and I find him a safe individual to fantasize about.

Shul - I know what you mean about wasted time. I don't think my WH realizes that it won't just take his saying I want to come back that will satisfy me. I want change.
Now I don't want to change him. I just want the old hubby back. If I want abuse or ugliness I can take a chance with someone else.
My WH has not been that darn appealing of late.
I sure hope todays behavior is a trend for more to come.
And it does feel nice to have attention from others, however innocent they are.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">maybe I'm the one in the fog?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe you had been in fog for all those years prior to A...