I do not know if I should be doing plan A, or Plan B.
My Wife of 16 years left me, after I had discovered that she was having, at a minimum an emotional affair with another man. They had been communicating by a secret E-mail account that she set up as well as Hour, and hours of phone conversations. She claims that she has not met him in person, or had any sexual contact with him, and that it is over that she is not communicating with him any more. She has also been going out to Bars to meet other men. She claims that she does not do anything with these men, and although at least two of these men have asked her out she has said she did not go out with them.
She says now that she was just letting her hair down, and that she is not going to go out to bars anymore to meet other men. She said she did it because it made her feel attractive, and it was exciting.
She is living with her mother with by Daughter, and I pick up my son after work and he spends the night at our house, then my wife picks him up in the morning.
She says that she wants me to leave her alone so that she can figure out if she wants to divorce me or not. She claims that I am 90% to blame for the problems in our marriage, and that I will never change. Although until I discovered this affair, she has given me no indication that she was unhappy. We went to marriage counseling 3 years ago, and our marriage has improved and she stopped going. I had mistakenly assumed things were OK Since then she has not said she wanted to go back to counseling, or that she was unhappy.
Right now I need to know if I should be doing Plan A, or plan B. She says she wants to be left alone, but she either contacts me, or when I need to contact her about the kids, she talks to me about how she is feeling, our relationship, how unhappy she is, and about what is going on in her life. We have talked some times for an hour or longer. These conversations are not angry conversations, and I want her to feel free to discuss what is going on in her life with me, instead of men she meets in bars.
I need some advice as to if I should continue to listen to her, love as in Plan A, or if I should respect what she is saying about wanting to be left alone and have more of a plan B approach?
Any advice will be helpful
