I am preparing for the possibility of moving to plan B at some time if plan A doesn't end the affair. The A is crumbling before my eyes right now, so it may not be necessary, but I must take preparatory steps in any case.

Now my WW has no source of income other than myself. The OM also has no income independent of his GF.

The OM has denied my WW to his GF and is reconciling hard with her, so it it pretty unlikely that he will move out of his family home to be with my WW.

My WW herself has lied to the OM GF at the request of OM so she is hardly demonstrating a huge desire to be with OM either, despite her fog talk.

Now if she persists in contact and I have to move to plan B, what do I do? Would I need to fund somewhere for her to live, and potentially provide a A love nest for herself and OM to sneakily meet?

I couldn't see the girl I love on the street, but I couldn't fund a love nest either.

Now I could move out easily, as my job affords me travel and I would get someplace comfortable to live at very short notice

BUT.............!!!

How would THAT be effective as a'plan B' when I would still be funding my W to live in our lovely house with the kids ? All she would miss would be my (currently annoying to her) physical presence.

I am sure there is a precedent for this.

Any advice from experienced folks much appreciated. Thanks !

I'd say this is a tricky one, Bob. I assume you're keepign the kids with you, yes?

Did you read SAA? If you feel like it's something you could do, you *could* deny her financial support unless the courts order it. But I think it's good you don't want her on the street.

How would you feel about providing only rent or only rent& utilities and letting her worry about groceries, cable, internet, cell phones, etc? That seems to be a good compromise to me.

Honestly, with plan B, you almost WANT them (not from your heart of course) to be spending more time together so that they can see all the warts. It's almost to be expected. Once she is forced to face reality without you and reality with him, once he is forced to do the same...the fantasy begins to disintegrate (as it has already begun to) thus helping along the ending of the affair. And if they do not see or talk to each other, your wife gets to see how it is living on her own. She may then view your marriage as a good alternative with all that awesome plan A'ing you've been doing.

From the heart this is not ideal. We all want our spouses to come back because they realized how much they love us, what a huge mistake they made, etc etc. But frankly, a lot of us would take the short end of the stick because we believe that eventually we will make that all a reality...we will be moving from our plan a/b into recovery!

Bob, I think you should try as hard as you can to remain in your home and get your wife to leave if you Plan B. I also think you should help as much as you can with the NECESSITIES!!! (cable, internet, cell phone, etc..are NOT necessary). Groceries are a necessity, but I think surely she could get a job to pay for at least that!

I know you have other issues happening right now but I hear you saying you don't want to fund the love nest.

If you wind up plan Bing she probably knows its a possibility.......she will have to come up with a plan for funding it herself (she might withdraw some funds from your joint account on her own to leave you or get a job to pay for things) She may not have worked for a salary all those years, but she is aware that she is legally your partner in financial matters (unless you held the money with an iron fist!)

Reality will come in clearer with reality to deal with. A hubby giving her an allowance will not help her make it on her own (if that is the way she is heading)

<small>[ August 22, 2004, 11:25 PM: Message edited by: picklesaresour ]</small>

Thanks for the insight all.

This is a very strange situation - OM will almost CERTAINLY not move in with my WW - he was already denying my WW and reconciling with his GF and son before his latest tragedy.

The only part of the A still active is phone calle between OM and WW BUT if these persist our lives will always be as miserable as they are now and, frankly my kids and I are better off without her around in that mood.

So to 'plan B' my WW would move into some poor accommodation alone to be visited for sneaky, deniable sex by OM if and when he can accommodate. Hardly the love affair fantasy is it ?

My WW isn't seeing him just calling him. Is it worth moving to plan B over no physical contact ?

I just see no hope for recovery if they maintain their EA thats all.

Plan B would be a mess thats for sure.

I haven't asked her for weeks actually if she wants to move out. Maybe I should.

Or perhaps I should keep quiet and hide my frustration while Plan A ( which seems to be working to break up the A so far) does its stuff.

Any more comments on this people? Forewarned is forearmed.....

The idea of Plan B is to let them live without your support (emotional, financial, etc).

Provide only what you are legally obligated to provide.
If she needs "help" moving out, then gladly offer to help. (***** to us about it afterwards).
If she won't move out, then you need to be prepared to do it.

Chris that Is what I came to understand through reading SAA. However if I move out, how does my WW suffer? She gets our lovely house, my kids, her car, bills paid and access to OM when she chooses.

This is teh bit I have trouble with.