Once separated, do I automatically go to Plan B?? It seems that A won't work if we don't see each other and only have brief conversations.

She can't go one day without calling me crying and saying that she misses me and that she would dump him in a second. What?!?!?!? It's mind-boggling that as soon as I take some control, she completely comes unravelled. Does this indicate that I should not continue with Plan B or stick to Plan B and tell her that we shouldn't talk until she leaves him? It feels good to hear that but I know that tomorrow she will go back to not wanting to be married.

Once separated, do I automatically go to Plan B??
No.

She can't go one day without calling me crying and saying that she misses me and that she would dump him in a second.
She would dump if?

Does this indicate that I should not continue with Plan B or stick to Plan B and tell her that we shouldn't talk until she leaves him?
What Plan B?
Did you send her a Plan B letter? Did you post it here for review before you gave it to her?
Have you read, "Surviving An Affair"?

Thank you for your reply.

She read the letter today. I did not post it. It was not blaming and not angry. I believe that it was understanding and loving. So, there hasn't even been 5 hours and she calls me crying.

Now I am really confused as to what to do. I have to go over to her house after work to pick up my son. She is still seeing this guy, I know this. Would you recommend that I stick to my guns, potentially alientating and angering her even further by coldness and seemingly uncaring, or do I talk with her?

It seems that once she receives the letter, there really is no turning back.... She would see my weakness and not leave him.

It has been like this for 4 weeks, one day she misses me, the next she wants a divorce and our marriage is not repairable. I thought I was being fair to both of us when I wrote the letter, giving her time and letting me have an answer to move forward with...

How about posting the letter here?
Can't really tell you what you shold do until we know what you told her.

Would you recommend that I stick to my guns, potentially alientating and angering her even further by coldness and seemingly uncaring, or do I talk with her?
The letter should have been very warm & caring and let her know exactly why & what you are doing.

I have to realize that you did, in fact, make a decision. I have to realize that it was YOUR decision to separate from me. That we are, in fact, separated. We live in different houses, don't spend time together, and have brief often painful conversations. You have told me that you are no longer my wife, that you no longer want to be married and that you love me like a friend while you are falling in love with him and he makes you feel good and that you might be happy with him. You have told me this multiple times. Then in your moments of doubt, you suck me back in. I know that my actions and inaction played a very major role in pushing you towards that decision, yet it is a decision that you made even if you think it as only temporary. Perhaps you had no other choice. I can only wonder how long ago you made that decision.


It is time for me to listen to you and let you go.


I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can't be done. As I look back on our relationship while we were young, I'm reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or threaten you or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me and without incessant calls and emails. Now you say you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I'm aware that I can't force you to stay and I can't force you to leave him just as I couldn't force you to marry me seven years ago.


I realize that you may use this as fuel to the fire, but I told you Tuesday that I have given up, not hope, but the pursuit. I am hopeful that you will not be angry at me, that you will not say that it is "typical Tom" but you will understand. Please understand how much I love you and how I really believe that I am doing this for you. By pursuing you, I was alienating you. I think that time truly apart will help us both to think more clearly.


This is a difficult decision. It is the most difficult decision that I have ever been faced with, but I don't think I have any other choice. I fully understand that you may very well take this time to continue being with him thereby not giving yourself the time and space you really need. I realize that this may cause you to pick up the phone and call him immediately. I understand that you may seek comfort in his arms and in his bed. I can't control what you do with your time away from me as I cannot control what you do now. I am not doing it lightly as I know very well that this may be the last time I ever get to talk to you as a true friend and husband.


I am at my rope's end and I don't want to make things any worse then they already are. Our continual contact is worsening and your anger and hostility towards me grows each day. I hope that the clarity of the situation will come to light and that you will change your mind. I hope that you can step outside of the situation and see it for what it is. I hope that you find hope. I hope that you see happiness with me. It is my hope that this shows you my love and respect for you and that I am truly putting your needs ahead of mine. I am convinced that you need time to think and as equally convinced that my contact with you takes away from that. I have given countless hours thinking about this and I am confident that this is the most fair thing to do and it is the only choice we have left.


Perhaps it is time for me to accept what has likely become the inevitable, the unacceptable. We have continued down a path of destruction and we have not been coming out of it. Each passing day gets worse and the separation grows more real. We are becoming single and separate. Instead of growing together, Jim and I are tearing us apart. You have been moving forward with your life while mine has been put on hold.


I am being forced to live with your short-term decision, please live with mine. Obviously, I hope that you will change your mind. But if you never decide to leave him, then I will have to accept that. Should you decide that you want to build a life with me, I will be here waiting to embrace you, waiting for you to come home.


Regardless of what you think about our marriage, I had some wonderful times with you and I am grateful and proud to have called you my wife. I will never forget the memories we shared and I will always cherish those events in our lives that are only experienced once; as we lived through our twenty's with our first house, first child, first career, among many other first times. I will always hold on to the memories we shared. I will never let go of our love. I wish we would have the chance to make it all better in our thirty's. Thank you for spending that time with me, I couldn't and wouldn't have asked for anyone else. I really believe that our love is special and that our bond is like nothing we can ever experience again. I know that I will never love another woman the same as I love you now. It is very special. Even with it's warts, it is true love.


I love you and I will hope each day that I will hear your voice and see your face. Every night that I crawl into bed alone, I will be reminded of my loss. Each of those nights, with time, will get easier.


I love you Jennifer. I miss you, I miss our family, and I miss coming home to you every night and I miss lying down next to you as we drift off to sleep.


Take care of yourself first

Have you read, "Surviving An Affair"?

Probably what you are feeling and probably felt good to write it down but...

It's not a Plan B letter at all.

Much, MUCH too long and difficult to follow.
Nothing about ending contact with her until her affair is over.
Much too blaming. Too much "pity me, it's over".

Have you read some/any of the concepts on the site? (read the links in my signature block)