We have been getting along and having very good times together. She has been really, really nice, touching each other and talking to each other.

She has been planning a trip to NYC to be by herself and I asked her multiple times if he was going. The said no, that I should trust her, that she has not spoken with him. Well, you guessed it, they left on a plane this morning together, I had to do some snooping. She was on the phone from the aiport telling me she loved me and she wants to buy me something, that she was nervous about going alone...

What the heck am I supposed to do now?!??! Plan A is way too difficult!!! I don't think I can do this anymore!!!

Well you have to calm down first. I would stay in Plan A. But if she calls you, I would let her know very lovingly that you know that she is with OM, and that hurts you.

She will deny, but just repeat that this is very hurtful to you, and you need some time to decide what to do. Don't argue, beg, or cry. Let her know that you know, and will need some time alone to process this.

that might be too late. I already emailed some rage-mails that included some cuss words......

It's just that we really were getting along great. Like we haven't gotten along in a really, really long time. She has even been reading Torn Asunder. I am just so shocked by this, I thought that we were making real progress.

Rage letters are okay too. Why wouldn't you be enraged? She has betrayed you again. So you can also let her know that right now you don't want to see her, to protect your love for her.

ok... That makes sense, I think. My book is on the way so I am doing this by the seat of my pants, ignorantly. What would I mean by "protecting my love for her?"

Plan A is trying to show your spouse your best self. Letting them know it is safe to come back to the marriage. You can read all about it on the link in my sig line. It is suggested that Plan A be done for 6 months.

Now your wife has betrayed you again. It would have been nice to stay in Plan A. However you sent her some unpleasant emails. And that is pretty normal. Lots of us here have done that.

Plan B is about protecting your love for your spouse. If you do Plan A for a long time, and your wife keeps on betraying you, soon you will lose your love for her. She may want to come back to the marriage, but you will not want her. That is what happened to me.

So now you have to evaluate how much longer you can do Plan A. If you feel like you are losing love for her, then time for Plan B. If you feel like you can continue in Plan A, then do that.