Greetings Everyone,

I have been reading more and more posts, and reviewing the articles on this website. I keep reading a lot about "fog" and "fog talk". Before I found this site, in the days before my WW made me move out (so that she could be with OM without my interference),I sensed in her that she still loved me, but it was buried under somehting, even though she swears up and down that she doesn't love me anymore.

Its that kind of talk that I have read about, in people's posts about "fog talk". I'm trying to figure out if my WW is talking the fog, or if she really is %100 out of love, and that there is no hope. She says things like "There is no hope for us", "I have searched my feelings, and I just don't feel it, no love for you. I care about you and your well being, but I just don't love you." "You should have thought about spending too much time on this or that, now its too late for us." "I just can't see us together, at all, in the forseeable future."

She never brings up the OM in conversation, even though she has admitted that he lives with her (right after she moved me out), admits that they "like each other", and told her father that she would probably wait for the OM, who is in jail on a probation violation. They also tried to blame me for the legal trouble that they are in, even though I am in another state at this time.

So does she love me, deep down somewhere? Should I follow these compelling feelings to try and save my marriage? I am so confused about the whole thing...this is her second A, not counting the relationship she was in while we were seperated once. It hurts so much, and I am compelled to make these attempts at a remote Plan A. But now and then I think why bother? Is it worth it? Can I ever trust her again? How, after all of the pain, can I still love her, and dream about her every night? I wish I could find the answers to this misery.

<small>[ October 12, 2004, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: Dimmu ]</small>

Dimmu, no-one can say for sure what your wife thinks, Just know that every single WS who has ever been caught up in an affair reconstructs facts to justify the evil of their behaviour to themselves. The emotions/dopamines of the affair make infidels brains operate with a different rationality than normal people. This isn't patronising, its demonstrably true in thousands of cases.

My own FWW told me she didn;t love me, would go anywhere to be with OM, I was a bad husband, she never loved me etc etc etc and far worse, but here she is , three months after d-day working on our 'hopeless' Marraiage in my house and my bed.

MB wise folks call that bizarre rationalizing 'fog' or 'taken by aliens'. You must not read much into anything she says while the A is active or soon after it stops ( and in all likelihood the A will stop sooner than you think) because of the lying and the fog.

Moving out wasn't a good idea IMO but I don't know you rfull circumstance.

In any case you should study and execute on MB's 'planA'. Read up on it on this site , search for Ark^^s wonderful plan A easy reader and begin to rescue your marriage.

All blessings.

Greetings Bob Pure, and thank you for your reply. I had a long reply, but MB somehow logged me out, and I lost it when I tried to submit it. So this response may not be as long (which may be a good thing anyway, I tend to type a lot in my posts here).

I didn't want to move out, 2 1/2hrs away from my WW. She basically said "You go, or I go", and I have no income, because I was Mr. Mom to our two children. I should have seen the red flags. She wasn't coming home for up to 3 hours after work. She had the OM move in, told me he was her brother's friend, and was temporarily homeless. He even slept in her brother's room.

My plan A'sing wasn't working before she made me move out (I wish I would have discovered MB a long time ago). She felt that I was sucking up to her. She felt that I hadn't changed at all, and that if she ended the A and we tried to work it out, then I would stop meeting her EN like before. And that brings me to another point.

She was always hanging out with coworkers, spending hours at a time on ebay, spending whole days and/or weekends at her mother's place or sister's place (they both have had A's, her sister is having one now, they support my WW's A),etc. She was comlaining I wasn't meeting EN, but she wasn't around to do so, and I don't think that she realises this. She made herself distant, because I became a dark person who didn't treat her very nice after the first A (I said many terrible things that I didn't mean, became lazy, talked bad on her A'ing relatives, etc.).

I know that I was causing her pain for revenge, and to cover up the pain I was feeling. I told her I realise that now, and she says "I know, but its still too late". Sometimes I think that I am reaching her, when I talk about how we needed to spend at least 15 hrs/wk together, just her and myself. How we needed to agree on everything (PoJA). How she needs to be with her family if her ENs are to be met. When I talk about those things she'll say stuff like "Yeah, maybe we should have, but its too late now", or she gets annoyed sounding, and says, "Can I get off of the phone now?"

All I can do is keep reading on here, everything I can about Plan A, and post messages, looking for answers from all of you experienced people on here. She is supposed to call me again today, so I have more reading to do. I get nervous everytime I anticipate some form of communication from her, kind of like school, when you like a girl, but get nervous before giving her a note, or asking her to dance at the school dance.

*edited for typos*

<small>[ October 19, 2004, 07:06 AM: Message edited by: Dimmu ]</small>