We are now living apart after I learned about his A in Sept. Tried to keep things together (using Plan A) but he got all depressed and finally I realized that he was still seeing her. I was right and just told him to leave. I didn't talk to him for two weeks but because of kids and mortgage stuff , I had to meet with him. Have been to the counsellors with him twice. He tells me all the things I want to hear. I don't trust him. I am really mad at him. How do I get past this desire to make him suffer. I wanted my Plab B to be one with no contact so he really understands what life would be like without us. I can't seem to do that because of the kids. What do I do?

I see something that bothered me. Plan B is NC with you, not the kids. Do not use the kids as pawns or prizes. No matter what happens between the two of you he is still their dad.

I have shared your pain this past year after my husband of 11 years had an affair. I thought I would not get to the point where the anger did not consume me every day, but I have. There is alot of emotions to go though and I know I am not done yet. We are "working on things" but I cannot 100% commit to that yet. I would not expect you to trust him now, or maybe ever. However, since you have kids and you most likely were happy at one time I would encourage you to give it a shot. After much thought, my conclusion was I didn't have any other plans that sounded to appealing so what the heck. Before you make any big decisions be selfish when you think about the big picture of moving on. I am not saying that you should stay or go but all things should be considered. It is unfortunate that our children have to be victim to our problems. By the way, once I quit allowing myself to feel like "the victim" and be strong it was alot easier to handle the other emotions. Hope this is helpful.

I hear you about the kids. No, I always kept them in communication with one another, daily and in various ways. But thanks for the reminder.
Today he asked me if we could have coffee or go for a walk this weekend. It has been less than a month since Plan B has started. What do I do? I am pretty sure he is no longer seeing the OW he dumped her the day after I told him to leave (that is after he slept with her one more time). He is telling me that he desperately wants to get things even better than they were and he is ready to show me all the things he has changed...in three weeks. Are we at the point where I am suppose to let him start showing me how he has changed? Do I wait? For what?