Well, went to Plan B today at noon.

Said no contact with OW (24 years old) or I would have to leave the situation as it is to painful for me. Said it was not an ultimatum, it is his decision, but then I have to do what is best for me in response to his decision.

WH (44 years old) said he could not promise no contact. They had been no contact for a month, then she called on Christmas Eve to wish him Merry Christmas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Now she is back on his mind 100% I can tell. When she called I was right there and he went outside to speak with her. I told him how much this upset me and he said it was nothing. They talked for 45 minutes last night per his cell phone (while he was at work).

How could they have done so good with no contact for almost a month and now this... back to square one. Her husband must have ticked her off she she wanted to talk to WH to feel better. Geez! She is the one who called it off previously to work on her marriage. I am sure WH was hoping she would say they could get back together as that was the plan up until she called it off when her H found out about it.

I don't know how I am going to do this. I don't know who I am without WH. I can not image a new Years Eve without him (have not spent one apart for 19 of them). He is my everything. I don't want a long weekend. I will just have to find somewhere to be.... not in my home with my best friend who I love more than anything.

I know I need to be strong.... but this hurts so very much.

How do others on Plan B stay strong? WH says he still loves me, but can not help how he feels about OW. He keeps vascialting. I am so very sad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Did you post your Plan B letter here?

Said no contact with OW (24 years old) or I would have to leave the situation as it is to painful for me.
This was in your letter?

Chris,

My letter is posted below. I went and had the Plan B talk at noon which included the information below. He said he could not agree to no contact. I said that is your decision, but I need to remove myself from this situation then as it is too painful for me. OW broke up with him to work on her marriage once her husband found out one month ago. They did no contact until she called him Christmas Eve. Now I saw they spoke on his cell for 45 minutes last night - he had erased call log but not timer. I knew he had talked to her or would not have erased logs. Spoke to a marriage coach last night and today and decided I had to start Plan B as have been trying Plan A for WAY TOO LONG. Thought is was helping, but as soon as OW called again, all that progress went out the window and WH says miserable every day... thinking of suicide... misses her.... but loves me too. What a bunch of BS!

Here is the letter I left after the talk. He probably threw the letter away .....

B,

I love you.

I committed to you for life. I want to stay committed to you and to our relationship.

I am willing to do what it takes to be the partner you've always wanted, and to address the things I did wrong in our relationship. I am willing to do the work it takes.

There is evidence that contact, of any kind, with a person you had an affair with ruin any chance of rebuilding the relationship that was betrayed and recovery. Because of this, there has to be no contact with the other person.

I need you to promise and commit to me that you will have no contact of any kind with OW. That needs to be communicated to her through a letter so that she knows she should not contact you either.

Until you can commit to no contact with OW, please respect my wish for no contact with you. It is your decision, but it is something that I can no longer put myself through. I feel betrayed when you speak with her. I feel hurt and upset when you hide to talk with her and then belittle my feelings of extreme pain caused by your doing this.

The continued contact with OW is so very painful for me that it will destroy the love I have for you.

In order to protect those feelings of love I have for you, I must end all contact with you if you are unable to commit to our relationship and truthfully promise no contact.

As soon as the continued contact and emotional affair is over, I would love to talk with you about our future.

In an emergency you can reach me through my friend _____ who is helping me out as a marriage coach. Her cell phone number is ____________.

As far as handling finances, I think we should continue to split bills until we decide what direction we will follow. I will deposit money in to our joint account and pay the bills through that account.

Please know how very much I do love you, but this is something I need to do not to continue being hurt.


So, now I am ill thinking of spending my first New Years Eve without him in 19 years. How can I love him so much and he not????

LibbyAnn...I've been where you were, and in some cases, am still there as I'm just preparing to file for divorce. Plan B is difficult, but it is meant to save you from the pain and help preserve the modicum of love you have for your spouse. Please remember this....your husband at this point in time is SELFISH...it is his way or no way, his needs and no one elses, his wants, his, his, him, him, etc., etc.

Now, my second response is...(and I learned this from my great friends Robin, Carol, Le), no one is responsible for your happiness by YOU! Plan B will make that clear in time. At first, it will not seem that way, as the pain is intense. Trust me, I'm the poster child for failed Plan B's!!! and when I finally was able to recognize that I was responsible for my actions and the outcome of the relationship, I gained strength, managed stability, and was able to see my husbands actions for what they were, self-centered, selfish, and disrespectful.